April Showers

It’s been a challenging month so far work-wise and I’ll be honest, I’m not really enjoying myself. Didn’t take extra leave for Eid as I was saving my leave then the gas explosion happened and I was roped into a task force.

Genocide continues, the world watches on and does nothing. Then there’s the tariff brouhaha and condescending remarks on Chinese peasants.

Arsenal frustrated and thrilled me at the same time. We only managed to draw where I thought we should win. But we also beat holders Real Madrid both home and away. It’s been a season with injuries to key players and we really should’ve done better last summer.

I’ve been coughing, it started with throat discomfort which turned into a dry cough. I lost my voice but couldn’t take time off work. Not that I’m indispensable but I didn’t want to let my team down especially when I’m a newbie too.

Well, April Showers will not last so here’s praying all the challenges we face will be over soon too. Ameen

The Year That Was: 2024

So another year had come and gone. A whole new year without any parent.

Atrocities continued in Gaza and Palestine and other areas in Yemen and Lebanon, and African countries which didn’t get publicised. It amazes me that some people, even non-Muslims, readily educated themselves and openly supported the plight of the Palestinians when some so-called Muslims just didn’t care. And it also shocked me that some people think that is-hell has the rights to force others out.

A moment of careless caused me to fall and break my wrist, necessitating a surgery and numerous physiotherapy sessions. I also had my own exercise at home and bought some exercise tools to help me. And because I didn’t really use my left hand until a few months after the surgery, I now have minor frozen shoulder and have started physiotherapy to address that issue. I really must be more alert and careful and less ditsy to avoid recurrence of this. It’s too easy to regret and say I should’ve been more alert and careful but it had already happened and regret is just a waste of time and energy. I do need to exercise more care to avoid similar occurrences and recurrence.

Arsenal finished second to Sh*tty in the 2023-2024 campaign. We drew and lost some games we shouldn’t have. The current season has been challenging with some players already out injured. Sigh.

I embarked on ‘revenge travel’ and visited a few countries (Timor Leste, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Liechtenstein) and new places (Bacolod, Semarang, Pontianak, Sapa, Kuala Krai, Zhengzhou and Xi’an) and revisited Ipoh, Taiping, Kuala Kangsar, Georgetown, Kota Kinabalu, Hanoi). Alhamdulillah. My 2024 trips were as follows:

January: Flew out at month-end to Denpasar, spent a night there and flew out to Dili in Timor Leste the following morning. I also travelled to Baucau before returning to Dili

February: Flew to Bacolod via Manila during Chinese New Year break to visit my Pinoy mate

March: Joined schoolmates on a bus trip to Ipoh, Taiping and Kuala Kangsar

April: Flew to Tashkent and on to Astana via Almaty. After two nights, I flew to Shymkent and from there travelled on to Turkestan (where I fell down and broke my wrist although I didn’t know it then) and then took the night train to Almaty

May: From Almaty, I crossed over to Bishkek. Spent two nights there before flying to Osh. After two nights in Osh, I flew to Istanbul and after a few hours of layover, I flew to Bologna. Took the coach the following morning to Vaduz in Liechtenstein, passing through Switzerland. After one night, I took the following afternoon’s coach to Milan for my flight back to KL. At month-end, I took the night bus to Georgetown for my annual trip

June: Came back from Georgetown. Had wrist surgery at month-end and was given medical leave for 3.5 weeks

July: Doctor gave me green light to travel to Kuching. From Kuching, I took a bus to Pontianak and overnighted there

August: Took the ETS train to Kampar to explore the town

September: Took the train to Arau and then travelled to Kuala Perlus during Malaysia Day weekend. The weekend after, I flew to Kota Kinabalu with my nephew and nieces. At month-end, I attended another niece’s wedding at the groom’s place and my sister and I overnighted in Kuala Krai

October: Flew to Hanoi at month-end and travelled on to Sapa from the airport

November: Returned to Hanoi and spent a night there before flying back

December: Overnight trip to Batu Pahat to settle dad’s estate. Flew to Zhengzhou on Christmas Day and took the train to and from Xi’an

I did better than 2023 but still fell one book short of my reading target of 150 books. Well, I do have to spend about 30 minutes to exercise in the evening and there were some evenings when I could hardly keep my eyes open. Some evenings I woke up to find I had dozed off when trying to read (after my exercise) and had to drag myself up to bed.

I never cared much about new year or celebrating it. All the same, I pray that the coming year will bring us good health, wealth, peace, increased iman, prosperity, success and all that we wish for. May we prioritise our mental and physical health, may we be more considerate, generous, less judgmental, more compassionate, thoughtful and kinder to everyone and all creatures.

Careless Whimper

I mentioned previously that I had a fall when I was in Turkistan and when I came back and following advice from the in-house doctor, I went to the Emergency Department of Gleneagles Hospital and did an X-ray. I was informed that I had actually broken my wrist and that the bone was healing but that I should return in a fortnight and see a hand doctor. So I reluctantly rang Gleneagles and asked the person who took my call if he could help schedule an appointment for me with any hand doctor who was available on the following Friday morning. Alhamdulillah, he managed to accommodate my request. When I met the doctor, he told me that while my bone had healed, it was malunion i.e., not set in properly. He asked me to come and do a CT scan which I did the following Thursday. The CT scan showed the fracture was worse than is shown on X-ray and even my usual therapist who at first said it might be cured by physiotherapy instead of surgery said the injury looked serious from the CT scan so I quickly messaged the hand clinic informing I’d do the surgery and even messaged the doctor the same.

 

The clinic came back with surgery date and I took it as a sign that Allah meant me to have the surgery. It was rescheduled to two days later (28 June) as the doctor was not well and I even included his health in my prayers. The day came and my nephew came to send me to the hospital. I had to start fasting from 09:00. After a bit of a wait and processing at Admissions, I was brought to my room. I was dismayed to find I had to share the room but was informed that the wards were full. At first I thought of doing the surgery when my sister was back from Haj but then decided not to delay as it would mean my recovery time would also be deferred.

 

After unpacking, I sat down to rest. One nurse came to give me anti-nausea and gastritis pills. I then performed prayers and ablutions again. The nurses came to give me a hospital gown and a pair of disposable knickers. I had to remove my watches and jewellery (I didn’t know this!) and was wheeled out just before 15:30 to the anaesthetic department. It was noisy there and yet somehow I dozed off on and off. Finally, they wheeled me into the operating theatre. They transferred me from the hospital bed onto the surgery bed or whatever it’s called. The staff then searched for a vein and the anaesthetist then put me to sleep. Just before I lost consciousness, I looked at the wall clock right in front of me and saw it was 16:00.

 

I fell into a dreamless sleep and next thing I knew, I heard someone calling out my name a few times before I opened my eyes. It was 20:00 then. I was wheeled out at 20:40 back to my room. I was feeling groggy and weak and later in the night had help to drink a few sips of water. The inconsiderate next-bed neighbour had her TV turned on throughout the night but thankfully I was out of it.

 

A nurse came just before 05:00 the following morning and helped me up. I held on to her as we walked to the bathroom where I changed clothes as there was blood on my gown. After cleaning myself, I went back to bed and performed prayers before dozing off again. I rested the whole day and managed to walk up to level 5 for X-ray. The anaesthetist came for a quick visit then my doctor came too. I was happy to find I had a good appetite throughout my stay haha.

 

The doctor came again on Sunday and he waited while I performed prayers. He looked at the stitches and told me to do some exercise. I had to wait for him to write up my discharge note. I then went to the payment area at Block A, met my niece there, back to my ward and then back again to the pharmacy at the Emergency Department for my medication. I was given fourteen days’ medical leave (which was then extended as the doctor wasn’t happy with my progress). Upon doctor’s insistence, I decided to go for physiotherapy at the hospital. Strangely enough, the pain actually intensified after the physiotherapy and I keep getting up just before 03:00. Once I even slept talk and cried myself awake from the pain.

 

I’m still thankful that it happened to my left wrist and not my right, that it happened to my wrist and not my legs or hips, that I could still function and perform light household chores with one good hand, and that I could manage on my own post-surgery.

So there you go, my story of a careless moment that now has me whimpering every now and then. Like a mate said, it’s all preordained and already written. We just have to look at the positive aspects, learn from it, and find the strength and courage to endure the test.

The Year That Was: 2023

Where do I begin? 2023 had so far been among the toughest, most challenging year ever. There were many times when I just felt like throwing up my hands in the air and giving up.

 

The first caregiver demanded a pay increase in March and I was so incensed that I immediately went to search for a replacement caregiver on FB. I contacted two and one agreed to come the following day (Saturday) to visit dad and evaluate if he was willing to commit himself. He came a bit late and visited dad. Dad wasn’t happy as he was sporting a ponytail and after he left, dad said he wanted to retain the first caregiver – despite the less-than-satisfactory work record. The other caregiver I contacted never showed up despite repeated calls and messages. I finally told the first caregiver that we were not going to renew his contract and he was not happy of course, so much so that with 13 days left to go in March, he announced suddenly it was his last day. I quickly contacted the caregiver who came to visit dad and alhamdulillah he was able to start the very next day. He showed up with a shaved head and I gave him a brief introduction before leaving for work. Alhamdulillah, it turned out to be a wise decision as he was able to meet my dad’s demands.

 

I had a series of illnesses: the usual gastritis, got stung by a hornet once, and had very bad fever/body ache twice. Apart from that, I was blessed with good health, alhamdulillah. I did lose sleep once in a while. I had continued to cut down on junk food but not altogether (oops).

 

Dad had a series of UTI episodes and was even warded for five nights in June and was discharged on the eve of Eid Adha. He lost even more weight and was more skin and bones. He still had good appetite but was unable to eat much as he’d feel nauseous after a while. I had to call the doctor-on-call a few times to attend to him. And finally, he had a fall and that was the last straw that broke him. He passed twelve days later. And now I’m all alone.

 

Arsenal continued to excite and frustrate me in equal measure. They flirted with the top spot before finally succumbing to injuries. And they ended 2023 not with a bang but with a whimper.

 

My fellow brothers and sisters in Uyghur, India, and especially in Palestine – specifically Gaza -  were subjected to harassment, persecution and bombardment. I don’t want to give up on justice and fairness prevailing but there are times when I think we have become hardened and indifferent to suffering. I have been boycotting certain brands and F&B chains for years now and will continue to do so.

 

I had to spend a lot of money on house repairs and was not happy with the result of one expensive repair especially when another contractor (which slipped my mind and only recalled in December) made comments on the handiwork of the first contractor and said he would charge me less than 21% of what I paid to the first contractor. Strewth!

 

Yes, 2023 was such a challenging and difficult year on so many levels. At work, my department merged with two others and I now have a different portfolio. I hope and pray that I will enjoy my new portfolio. Upheaval at work, learning and getting used to technology at work, new colleagues, and soon new work floor and workstation. Must confess that I felt overwhelmed at times.

 

I would sound ungrateful if I say that nothing good happened in 2023. Alhamdulillah, I have my sister and her family who really helped and supported me in my time of need and my close friends too. I was also able to travel and my trips and explorations are as follows:

January: didn’t travel

February: flew out to Tawau

March: day trip to JB

April: day trip to Teluk Intan

May: short weekend in Miri

June: train trip to Batu Gajah

July: birthday weekend in KK. Took the local train to Beaufort and also visited Sabah State and Islamic Civilisation Museums

August: took the train to the Royal Town of Kuala Kangsar

September: trip to Pangkor Laut Resort

October: didn’t travel

November: spent short weekend in Sandakan

December: road trip to Johore and an overnight trip to Penang

I fell short of my annual reading target of 150 books and only managed 145.5 books. I found it especially hard to concentrate after dad left and I was dozing off on many evenings instead of reading.

 

After dad left us, we embarked on decluttering and I had also managed small-scale decluttering on my own.

 

Happy New Year 2024. May this year bring us peace, prosperity, success, love, iman, good health, wealth and all we wish for. May we continue to strive to be better than we were before, to have more compassion and consideration for others, be more generous, more positive and kinder to everyone and every being. May we all have a blessed year. And this year, I plan to walk down the aisle. Oh yes, the airplane aisle. Ameen.

A Change Would Do You Good

It has been weeks since we found out that there would be changes happening and the day has finally arrived. Imminent, inevitable, unavoidable, it’s something which we were hoping would not happen and were even given assurance wouldn’t take place but somehow some people decided to pursue it for the sake of someone so now it has happened. When I first heard about it, I wasn’t happy. I was a bit apprehensive and worried which is normal. Then I told myself that I should have faith in Allah and trust that everything will work out. After all, Allah knows best.

Another change I’ve observed over time is of myself. I find that I’m not as quick to lose my temper as before, that I try to see the good in situations instead of jumping to conclusions, I try to think things through and not get emotional immediately, and I try to be thankful for the little things. Which are all signs of me either being more matured and wiser (really?) and are good anyway. Oh, I still lose my temper every now and then and there was a time recently when I felt this perpetual anger inside me, but I do not lose it as easily and as quickly as before. All good and well for my blood pressure and general health, I’m sure. I don’t know if it means I’ve mellowed down but I think if there’s anything positive about the pandemic, it’s that it taught me to value and prioritise my mental health. After all, there are other more serious things (such as life threatening, or life-or-death issues) to be upset about.

Scrabbling Around

Just a little update on my uneventful life: there was a series of games event earlier this month (well, it started at the end of November) and I found myself selected to represent TheCompany for Scrabble. We started our practice in June, abandoned it half-way and only started again in mid-October (oops! Blame work for that!).

The Scrabble games took place on 3 and 4 December 2022. We were provided accommodation at Park Inn by Radisson Putrajaya and checked in on 2 December 2022 - Alhamdulillah for that as I wouldn’t want to commute from home or office every morning to get to Bangi. As I rode with my friend on Friday, I found myself helping to set up the tables for the matches the following day... setting up boards, drawing out the tiles and assembling them on the boards, setting the chess clocks and tile racks. I was this close to regretting hitching a ride from my friend.

It was a mentally and physically exhausting weekend. Definitely mentally exhausting if one has to play six games with all the stress that came with it on the first day and three games on the second day. Physically exhausting too for some reason even though I know we didn’t run up and down the hall or around the stadium. We were so exhausted that we didn’t even make dinner plans on Saturday and retired to our respective rooms.

Long story short: TheCompany won gold for Scrabble, its only gold for the whole tournament. Alhamdulillah. I suffered a very bad gastritis on Monday, so much so I had to get medical leave for the afternoon. My first medical leave of the year. So yes, we won, but at what cost.

Workwise, I’ve also been busy, like the rest of the office, carrying out year-end activities.

On the personal front, there’ll be no trip abroad this December because I’m literally grounded. There have been many times I feel like an only child for all the attention, help and support that my brothers give my parents and myself over the years.

Humbling

What a year it has been so far, eh. It’s sometimes difficult to reconcile what started out as a promising new year to the current, almost desperate situation. It seemed that life has thrown us all a curveball when we least expected it and the thing is, just when we thought that the situation was beginning to improve, the cases spiked again. And again. And again. What was a period of no death spell is now a period of almost daily deaths. It’s not just Malaysia but a lot of other countries are also experiencing their second, even third, wave and have also reinstated lockdowns and travel restrictions.

 

I for one find this experience humbling. I find it humbling that this invisible menace has the ‘power’ and ability to affect and change so many lives throughout the world. We, the intelligent beings, have yet to come up with a vaccine to fight it successfully. We have not managed to arrest, curb and halt its spread - what we managed earlier was a temporary respite (number of cases has been increasing since end of September) - and the twice-extended conditional movement control order has so far not been successful. We are presently, in short, at its mercy. When I think about it, I wonder why people have to be arrogant and smug, condescending, dismissive and patronising to others when we are all equally vulnerable to the threat and risk of being COVID-19 positive or, worse, casualty. Don't they know that Nimrood die from a mosquito? Do they not remember how the army of Abraha was defeated by a flock of Ababeel birds? And this modern day virus has now claimed hundreds of thousands of lives. So why do some people act like they're invincible and untouchable?

 

If anything, this pandemic helps to remind me of the five before five (youth before old age, health before sickness, wealth before poverty, free time before preoccupation, and life before death).

Mysterious Ways

I read from a message that in this world, everything and everyone moves in their own timezone.

Some of my schoolmates like me are still single. At least two of my friends have married for a long time but have yet to be blessed with any children (so there’s no guarantee you’ll be blessed even if you marry another woman, this happened to my friend’s ex-husband). Another two friends have nine children each. One has six kids but had two babies die in childbirth.

There are people who graduated at the age of 23 but had to wait years to get a job. There are others who graduated at 30 but secured a job immediately upon graduation. And there are yet others who are offered jobs even before they even graduated.

There are whose who are already CEOs before they hit 30 but live a relatively short life. There are those who only become CEOs at the age of 50 or beyond and live a long life.

We all live in different time zones so we don’t have to feel left behind when we see others seem to have overtaken us. It’s just because our time hasn’t arrived yet. Obama retired at 55 but Trump only became a President at 70.

There are some people ‘ahead’ of us and some ‘behind’ us. We all move in different paths, at different speed, in different time zones.

Allah has different plans for us all. Why should we envy or be sad at another’s success?

You’re not late. You’re not early. You’re just on time and in your own time.

Believe in His plans. Allah is All Knowing and Wise.

Everybody Hurts

Much has been talked and continued to be discussed about Covid-19 so I’m not going to do that. What I want to say is that almost everybody hurts and is hurting from it.

 

The healthcare personnel who are exposed to all sorts of diseases and now having to include this menace into their everyday battle. They have to leave their families behind and don face masks, face shields and thick skin to deal with patients including those who think they’re above the hoi polloi.

The public of course who have to observe social distancing, new norms, restricted movement, lockdown and whatnot.

The traders, be they small Mom-and-Pop set-ups, small and even medium-size businesses.

Those in the service industry.

Those in the hospitality industry. A number of hotels have already been closed and gone out of business.

Parents who now have to do home teaching to their children.

Children who are missing their friends, teachers, schools, the parks and their extended families like grandparents, uncles and aunts.

The senior citizens are already living on their own and who view the short trip to the restaurants as a small pleasure they look forward to.

The mosque-, church-, temple-goers.

The abused wives who now have to stay in with their tormentors 24/7.

The abused children who have nowhere and no one to run and turn to.

The fishermen and farmers who couldn’t sell their catch and produce earlier because of transportation restriction (hopefully all have been resolved).

Those sick and bedridden or dying alone who are robbed of the presence and comfort of dear and loved ones in their final hours.

The family members who are robbed of performing their last duty to their loved ones.

The factory workers and other low- and unskilled workers who are made redundant when the factories and construction works are stopped.

The sportsmen who cannot train and compete.

And the list goes on and on and on.

 

Every single one of us hurts.

 

Some say we’re all in the same storm but not in the same boat. And yet some say we’re in the same boat but not in the same storm. Whichever it is, we’re all facing Covid-19 at the same time but our experiences will be different. And while some have taken up new skills or explored new sides to themselves (some may have discovered they are decent cooks or gifted painters), some may not have taken up anything. No matter. Surviving this is already a feat on its own. Every one of us have our own challenges and trials that no one else knows about so getting through this trying times is more than enough.

One Hundred Days Of Solitude

Today is the 100th day of the year 2020. Who would have guessed what a difference a month makes? A month ago we thought Covid-19 was under control because while we did have cases, we had no deaths yet then. To those blaming the previous government, hey, look it up. The then Deputy Prime Minister chaired a meeting to discuss coronavirus on 26 January 2020, which was a Sunday and the second day of Chinese New Year. Sure we didn’t ban foreign tourists then but we did ban tourists from Wuhan and the Hubei Province. And just so you that you know, Italy banned all flight sites from China from landing from 31 January 2020 but that didn't help Italy, did it.

Then the second wave of Covid-19 happened and the cases and deaths started increasing. This second wave is the main cause of all deaths here, and not the first wave which was those brought in by Chinese tourists. This second wave is brought back by a Malaysian student studying in South Korea. So yeah, if you have to blame someone, you should blame Malaysians who are carriers and brought the virus back from abroad. Not the Chinese tourists! But of course certain people choose to believe and see what they only want to believe and see, not the facts.

The Premier League might have proceeded as usual if Arteta had not tested positive and even then, it took a while for the FA to decide deferring all matches. I for one feel that the season should just be ended now. Belgium is the first European league (I think) to make a decision: rest of the season cancelled, and effectively the most recent standings declared final. So Club Brugge are champions and Gent go into the CL as runners-up. Relegation is still to be decided.

I had such great hopes for this year. I usually don’t care much about starting a brand new year but this year is the Year of the Rat and also a Leap Year. I was born in the Year of the Rat and a Leap Year so this is my year (mind you, not everyone born in the same year is in the same Chinese Year; some of my mates whose birthdays fall early in the year were actually born in the Year of the Pig). Before Chinese New Year, I asked one of the Chinese uncles I had gotten acquainted to during our bus rides if the Chinese think this would be a good year. He said that as an analogy, rats have to work hard and so it will be a hard year at first but that the year will improve. The economy will have a downturn before it will improve (indeed, France has entered a recession and the Head of the World Trade Organisation has warned that of the deepest recession of our lifetimes in the wake of Covid-19). As a Muslim, I don’t believe in the Chinese kind of predictions but it so happened that Allah has decided that this year would indeed start out as difficult and challenging (and that may be understating it). This year was supposed to be a great one for me, as I recover from yet another failed relationship and as I ponder my career direction.   

I still have great hopes for the year. I have to be optimistic (I can’t say I’m positive, not in the context of things at the moment!) and I pray hard that this calamity that has befallen us all will be eradicated soon, InsyaAllah and ameen. Let’s not be afraid if the virus but instead turn to the One who crush it. Immerse ourselves in the Quran and perform ibadah and seek Allah’s guidance and blessings. Allah has a plan, far greater than what we can imagine. So let’s stop worrying, stop stressing and start placing faith in Him.

As for me, I’ve decided to also be grateful. I thank Allah every day. I thank Him that I’m staying in a proper house with dad, never mind that the house is 51 years old this year. I’m thankful that our old house, while a single-storey terrace, is a corner house with a lot of space that enables me to still go outdoors and commune with nature (yes I have to endure the bloody bloodsuckers but they’re an inevitable evil presence, aren’t they) or stay indoors. I’m thankful that even though we are both bachelors with no small babies, toddlers or kids around that we have to worry about, that we have to keep occupied and care, and shop specific things for. Thankful that we live in a proper house and not in a condominium or a cramped apartment where you can hear the neighbours and feel there’s no escape. Thankful this housing area is still a green zone and not a red zone and that we can still move freely about (I see some foreign workers walking up and down every morning and evening coming back from or going to work. And I sometimes see some people taking an early morning walk too). Thankful that Allah has granted dad moderate health and that He has granted me this opportunity to spend more time with dad and to look after him. Thankful that I still have a job. Thankful that my sister sometimes have some ready-cooked dishes delivered to us and that she and family are doing fine too. Alhamdulillah.

I still pray that this Restriction of Movement Order will end soon because I’m not sure if I can endure another twenty, thirty days of being confined to the house. And I know others hope and pray for the same too. Even then, I doubt the situation will return to normal for some time. We’ll probably had to don face masks for a while but that’s a small price to pay. As for me, I’ll have to go without lipstick and rings for a while for how can a girl wear lipstick under a face mask and rings when she has to constantly sanitise her hands. Small sacrifices that I can live with, after all it’s not as if I have to go and fight in a Great War.

Pandemic Pandemonium

I’m sure everyone is already well aware of the current buzz word which is Covid-19 and has read (and is sick to death with) all the information (and disinformation) on it. The numbers were pretty manageable in Malaysia until last week when a massive tabligh gathering came to light. And I’m sure the numbers will only spike following the Masi Magam festival in Teluk Bahang, Penang, and the ‘Rumpun Silat’ trainers state-level assembly at Penview Convention Centre in Kuching, both held last Friday. Yes, Friday the 13th.

I have heard of people saying those who travel during these uncertain times are selfish and inconsiderate as they may unknowingly contract the virus and spread it on to unsuspecting people. Well, let me tell you, travel history is no longer a main consideration. Of course you should restrict travelling for a while (I won’t say stop travelling altogether because you don’t even need to travel abroad to be contracting or spreading the virus now) but there are other things that we have to do and role we have to play too. And we don’t have to wait for the government to do something before we initiate our own action.

We should practise social distancing as far as possible. I say as far as possible because there are those among us who rely on public transportation. I myself leave home early these days and try to get a less crowded bus to work. Social distancing doesn’t mean self-isolation. I just love how the Italians rally through the lockdown, they have a nationwide flashmob at 18:00 to boost morale.

We should always sanitise, disinfect, wash your hands and practise good hygiene. I know of someone who carries her handphone to the bathroom (and even have conversations while sitting on the toilet) and who used to exit the bathroom without washing her hands (over a number of occasions, not a one-off observation). I shared the same bathroom with her last week and was glad to note that she actually washed her hands then. As for me, I wash my hands with soap and then sanitise again regularly. I have stopped wearing my rings to work from today as I personally feel they get in the way plus I’m not sure if contact with sanitiser is good for gold rings.

Verify news and information. Check with the Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia’s Facebook for the current status and to verify news.

Do not panic buy things, do not hoard toilet papers (I don’t get this at all), do not be greedy and stock up on hand sanitiser and masks such that you are depriving others. Please cover your mouth when you cough and not just during these uncertain times either but every single damn time you cough. If it’s not Covid-19, it’s something else you’re spreading. If you’re coughing, then wear a face mask.

 Jesper and Kasper say everyone needs to take responsibility to stop the infection

Jesper and Kasper also wonder why some people are stressing about and buying toilet paper for

If you have respiratory tract symptoms (cough, running nose, sore throat, shortness of breath) do not go to the hospital if you have no history of close contact with someone tested positive with Covid-19 and have not travelled to any of the countries (China, South Korea, Italy, Iran, Japan, Germany, Spain, France and Denmark – please check with the relevant parties on this list of countries as they’re subject to change), please do not visit the hospital to for screening just to be sure. Our healthcare system is already overwhelmed. Do show appreciation and have consideration on our overworked healthcare workers. Our healthcare workers have been working tirelessly and are already stretched and they need our support and understanding.

  

We should also work together as a nation to halt this epidemic. Give the health services time to cope. Offer help to our old, fragile, weak neighbours with getting their groceries, etc. Limit our activities, yes, I know it’s school holidays now but it’s better to be at home than having to care for your close family members in the hospital, right. Let’s all play our part to prevent its spread and take necessary steps and precaution. Don’t panic, don’t panic buy, don’t spread fake news.

For Muslims, there are prayers that you can recite. More importantly, place your faith with Allah, trust that He can help us while at the same time observing all precautions.

Last but not least, sanitise, wash your hands and practise good hygiene. May Allah help us out through these challenging and difficult times, ameen.

Scoliosis Diagnosis

I have always known that I have a ‘condition’: that my back is not aligned or symmetrical but I didn't know what it was. In my darkest hours, I always thought I was some kind of deformed and wondered if any man would like me for what and how I am. But following my recent medical check-up, I now know for certain what it is. It’s called scoliosis. If you look around, you’ll probably notice (usually) older women walking around with a hunched back or something that looked like a lump. They would end up bent to one side and in some cases, would have one leg longer than the other. This is scoliosis but because the condition worsens only when one is old, we may have dismissed it as osteoporosis or ‘something normal that happens to old folks’. I won’t talk much about what scoliosis is as you can look it up on the Internet and I’m by no means an expert anyway. I just want to share the start of my journey towards treating my scoliosis.

As fate would have it, I just noticed a physio centre at Ampang Point. I must’ve walked past it a million times before but only really noticed it after dad started sending me to Ampang Point in the morning following my attack in early May. See, I used to just walk to Ampang Point before that and would take a route that didn’t pass the centre. I noticed the centre after my mate shared that her brother had a stroke - also in Ramadan - and I recommended the centre to her. It was only in Syawal when the centre added a banner on scoliosis above its door. So yes, I feel that Allah is guiding me to seek treatment at this centre.

I went to the centre and asked a few questions about scoliosis. The physiotherapist promptly scheduled a session for me and, when I asked, confirmed that PMCare covers the physiotherapy session costs so I then went to a panel clinic and asked for referral. The locum doctor who told me he’s an orthopaedic at PPUKM asked why I wanted to try doing physiotherapy and I told him that I thought it was high time I did something about it. I sure didn’t want to end up like one of those women I mentioned above. In fact, I think Mummy had the same thing but we didn’t know any better then and scoliosis was (and still is) pretty much an unknown thing in Malaysia. Well, I was determined and the doctor agreed to write out a referral letter.

So I went for my first physiotherapy session on 3 July 2019. I had decided I would attend her last slot on any day (she works on Saturdays too but her schedule is already full so I have no choice but to attend sessions on weekdays) so that would mean me taking an hour off work. I’m allowed to take up to 2.5 hours for time-off but I don’t want to take time much time off work. I’m already aware that July and August are busy months at work but hey there’s never a good or bad time to start anything. At my first session, I was told to change and the therapist then measured my back and lumbar and made some notes. I had a file opened to monitor my progress. She proceeded by showing me some exercise steps while lying down, standing and sitting. She showed me how to stand, how to position my hands while standing and sitting and what I should do (open my right armpit, place my left arm on my waist and slightly curve in, etc.). She also showed me what I should stop doing (bending backwards, looking back without turning my body, and standing on one foot which I used to do while brushing my teeth among others). The first session was supposed to be for an hour but lasted 1.5 hours (so much work to do because it’s gone quite bad) and the second session on 8 July lasted 1.25 hours. I feel good after the first two sessions and feel I’ve put in time and effort to help myself. I have also been doing the exercise daily at home and at work. I had my third session yesterday and felt like I was taking one step back for every two steps forward as I may have positioned some limbs incorrectly.

It’s not going to be an easy journey. The therapist told me that for a start, I would have to attend a session twice weekly and after I have shown improvement, she will reduce the frequency to once a week. I know I will face challenges and I will have my up-and-down days, days where I feel like I’ve lost my mojo and feel listless, but I am determined to do it. I’m determined to beat this scoliosis or at least arrest it before it deteriorates further (the therapist was honest enough to let me know that my condition will not be completely cured). There’s no choice: I have to either get down and do it or I will suffer the consequences later and I don't want to suffer the consequences later. The therapist told me yesterday that my sessions now are for the ‘beginners’ and that a more intense (intermediate) series of sessions would follow. Yikes. Oh well.

Still, I am thankful that there is alternative treatment available these days, that I happened to notice the centre, that I did my medical check-up when I did and had my path cleared for me to do the sessions. I am thankful that I have an understanding boss and colleagues who accept that I have and want to do this, and I am thankful that my employer is covering the expenses (it costs RM120/session so if need be, I guess I’d have to be prepared to fork out my own money otherwise and why not when it’s for my own health anyway).

So if you see my standing or sitting in strange positions and positioning my hands and adjusting my body in funny poses at my workplace, in the bathroom, in the lift etc., it’s because I’m in the midst of some exercise. I have a lot on my plate what with taking care of my elderly dad with his own medical problems, taking care of two households and juggling work at the same time so I have to be smart and snatch any free time whenever I get it. And if you wonder about my frequent time-off, it’s because I have to attend my physiotherapy session.

No pain, no gain: that’s my motto. And as Shakespeare said, ‘Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting.’

Sometimes

Sometimes I despair

I don’t know what to do

Don’t know what I can do

Sometimes I’m at a loss

I feel helpless and powerless

I feel overwhelmed at life’s challenges

I don’t want to stress myself and over-worry over things I can’t control

But I just can’t help worrying sometimes

Sometimes I just want to shout out aloud

I just want to cry my heart out

I wish I can run away to the furthest corner of the world

Sometimes I feel so misunderstood

I know I can appear aloof

But I do value my privacy just like everyone else

Sometimes I just want to give up, I want to give in

I just want to throw in the sponge

And it’s all I can do to keep my sanity

Sometimes I get tired of trying to be strong

Of trying too hard and doing so much

I wish people will understand what I’m going through

Sometimes I feel like crying when I look at my dad

And it makes me wonder if longevity is worth the suffering that comes with it

It’s not worth the hype, I guess

But how can anyone complain to Allah for being granted a long life

~~~~~~~~

Sometimes I feel so insecure

I am torn and undecided

Do I want in or out

Sometimes I just want to be left all alone

Other times I wonder if I can make it on my own

Sometimes I’m just sick of men

Of the promises made, dreams shared

Sometimes I wish I was a man myself.

I Want To Know What Love Is

I’ve gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I’m older

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like the world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve travelled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I’m gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I’ve got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve travelled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
(And I wanna feel) I wanna feel what love is
(I know) I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
(Love that you feel inside) I want you to show me
(And I’m feelin’ so much love) I wanna feel what love is
(No, you just can’t hide) I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
(Let’s talk about love) I want you to show me
(I wanna feel it) I wanna feel what love is (I wanna feel it, too)
(And I know, and I know) I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is (I wanna know)
I want you to show me (I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know)
I want to feel what love is

Butterfly

My dad has told me not to take any more trips several times now. The first time he said that he reasoned that he didn’t want the neighbours to be talking about me going off gallivanting somewhere seemingly without caring that he’s at home. When he first told me of this, I retorted back and asked if he meant that I should no longer utilise my annual leave but just work and work (unless he meant for me to utilise my leave by just staying home). I added it’s not as if I left him all alone but I made efforts to find him a male nurse and pay mega bucks for their service (I’ve had three male nurses come to look after him so far).

He repeated his request/advice just before I went for my trip to Africa in December and again after I went to Bangladesh. He said that I can consider resuming my travels when he is no longer around. I didn’t say a word either time but fumed silently. Yes, I know I should heed his advice but in my defence, it’s not as if I left him all alone. And I think it’s unfair and unreasonable to expect me to put my life and my travels on hold because of him or anyone else. Never mind that it’s unfair to expect just me alone to take care of him. I’m not and should not be the only person responsible for him. My other siblings especially my brothers should play their role too. Sure, of course I can travel after he is no longer around but does this mean that I’m to just stay put until then? What if he’s blessed with a long life, what if he lives up to 90 or beyond? Am I expected not to live my life until then? Am I expected to put my life on hold? Is it fair to prohibit or prevent or forbid me like this? And what do I care about what the neighbours say anyway? It’s not them who accompany him to the hospital and clinic appointments anyway. They can say what they want. They will say what they want anyway no matter what I do or don’t. Anyway, I should think they have other better things to worry and think about than to care about where I go and what I do or don’t do.

Dad seems to forget that unlike him, I will be all alone when he goes. That all his fears will be my fears except that I don’t have anyone who’ll keep watch on me. He forgets that I have my own life to live. As it is, I rush home almost daily to run errands and tend to him. I don’t stay out, I don’t even have dinner with mates or anything. I take care of everything from outside to inside, from sweeping the porch and leaves to cleaning up after the incompetent Indo cleaning lady WTF, from getting dinner ready to ensuring dad doesn’t choke on some fish bone, even getting his medication ready and putting in his eye drops) and my annual leave is something I look forward to utilising. He overlooks that it’s unfair of anyone to ask another person to put his or her life on hold. If you love someone especially your own children, you should let them live their own lives and let them make their own mistakes. You can dispense advice and make requests but don’t blackmail them by saying if they don’t do something you want, the neighbours will talk and think badly of them. Doesn’t dad realise I need a break occasionally - from work, from household chores, from all the worries, from the constant demand on my time, energy and attention? Sometimes he asks if I don’t get tired from travelling and he would say that he gets tired from watching me travel. Well, surely that is the whole point of it all: to travel while I still have the energy, passion and time to do it all and not wait until I’m weak and helpless and dependent on cane or walking stick and on others to only start travelling then.

I try to do my best, I try hard to be a good daughter. But sometimes, with requests like this, I just get angry at the demand and the unfairness of it all. So I have to be a good child, a good daughter, but my brothers can neglect their filial duty? Is that fair? Of course it isn’t and yes, before you say it, I do know that life is never fair anyway. Why can’t he stop and think about the unfairness of the situation? Why doesnt he demand the same from my other siblings? Does having a family absolve them of their responsibility to dad? I won’t stop doing my part of course; if I’m around, I have no problem taking care of dad. But do understand that I want to have an occasional break too. Surely that’s not to much to ask for or expect or understand? It’s hardly unreasonable after all.

Life is too short to be holding grudges and to be putting your life on hold. Life is too short to spend it waiting for someone to do you any favours, to expect anything from others. And life can just be easily be snuffed out, be taken away, be cut short, so it’s stupid and senseless not to seize the day and live each moment to the full. And travelling is part of my life. It is unfair, unreasonable, inconsiderate and selfish to ask me to stop doing it altogether; it’s too much to say it’ll be like cutting off my oxygen supply but yea, it’ll be like cutting off a limb. More precisely, it’ll be like clipping off the wings of a bird or a butterfly.

‘The only time you really live fully  is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.’ -Theodore Roosevelt

To Blog, Or Not To Blog

Have you ever felt like you want to say so much but you can’t quite express yourself in words? Well, I often do. I often feel like there’s so much I want to share but when it comes down to it, when I’m sitting in front of the screen and ready to start typing, my mind draws a blank. I can’t seem to capture what I want to share, I can’t seem to put them into words and next thing I know, it’s been weeks since my last post.

And then there’s the feeling that what I spend time writing about goes unnoticed and unappreciated because face it, in this age of social media, most people have just stopped reading. They don’t want to spend time reading, they just want to look at pictures and hit ‘like’. They may offer some comments on a tweet or an IG post but that’s it. Look around you and you see zombies walking around, fixated on their smartphones. One speaker at the leadership conference I attended last month said that it’s a shame that we have invented some of the brilliant smartphones around and yet most of us use them to play games or check social media. Yes, of course, it’s everyone’s choice how they choose to spend their time but while technology can be smarter over time, it does not help people become smarter. Anyway, I digress. What I want to say (and have been unsuccessful in saying) is that no wonder many bloggers have stopped blogging. It takes too much time and effort to sit down and write and share your thoughts when hardly anyone has the inclination to read what you have to share.

But then again, I ask myself, do I write to satisfy another person? Do I write to be popular, to be liked, for my posts to be read and enjoyed and shared? No, I write because I want to, because I love writing, because I need to express myself, because I want to share my experience and because sometimes I find it easier to express myself in writing than by talking. I know my readership is a dismal number but this doesn’t really bother me because I know I’m no Jeffery Deaver or Jo Nesbo or Karin Slaughter. It has never bothered me before so it shouldn’t start to bother me now. I do want to be wittier, I want to inject humour and I want my posts to be interesting so even though I’ve been blogging for some time now, I’m still learning to be a better writer.

Blogging may no longer be the ‘in’ thing but I’ll continue doing it until I lose interest and decide to stop altogether. I may not post as regularly as before but I will try my best not to disappear completely. You haven’t seen the last of me. Yet.

Post September Sojourn: Thoughts on the Airline

I take a few factors into consideration when deciding to fly: the flight schedule, the layover if any, the cost but of course and the airline. For my trip to Azerbaijan, I decided to fly Etihad as the ETA in Baku was in the early afternoon and the cost was about RM2,000 less than Qatar (and Qatar’s ETA was in the evening when I checked). I last flew Etihad in May 2016 and was actually looking forward to flying the airline again.

My first problem was when I tried checking in for my flight. On the website, it says online check-in is open 48 hours before the flight. However, when I tried, I found that while I could check-in, I could not select or change seats as the airline now charges for ‘desirable’ seats and my seat was only resolved less than 24 hours before my flight out after I tweeted about it. (The same problem recurred for my return flight; again I had to seek help and tweeting the airline didn’t help.)

I was pondering if I should bring my inflight socks (I usually wear socks to sleep) and had almost decided to ditch them before changing my mind at the last minute and it was a good thing too because Etihad no longer provides amenity kits. I asked a cabin crew about it and she said they had done some research and found that the amenity kits are not fully utilised by passengers: some only wanted the toothbrush/toothpaste, someone wanted the socks only, and there are those who didn’t want the kits at all. I don’t know about you and they may not be much, but I find the amenity kits useful.

Another thing I noticed was the absence of menus for the economy class (perhaps it should be renamed economoney eh). But I did find a menu for snacks that you can purchase inflight. That struck me as strange as Etihad should be a premium airline and not a low-cost or budget airline. I remember once we had a main meal and even snacks in between (ice cream was served and instant noodles too!) besides the snack brown bag (usually served when the lights are off and passengers were mainly asleep) and you could decide whether to have the snack inflight or bring it along with you.

I sometimes change seats once all passengers have boarded and the door has closed but on my return flight, I was told that while I could move seats, I would have to pay extra if I wanted to sit at the middle front row (where there are four seats and where the bassinets are fixed if you’re travelling with babies). I thought it was strange as the seats were empty anyway with no one willing to pay extra money in advance to sit there. One British couple decided to make a big fuss about it all and while I concede they had a point, they were also not doing themselves any favour by drawing attention to their grouses.

And while I wasn’t one to avail of the service, Etihad has also withdrawn its complimentary chauffeur service for first and business class passengers.

So while the airline has introduced changes like Business Class Studios, FirstClass Apartment and The Residence, the airline is in decline (unless their focus now is just on business and first class passengers).

Will I fly Etihad again? Like I mentioned earlier, I still have to take factors like schedules and cost into consideration so if Etihad flies to certain destinations that no other airline does or Etihad’s ETA is more favourable, I would still fly Etihad. And if Etihad can fly me at a lower cost, yes, that is a factor too. As much as I like to collect air miles whenever I can do it, I’m not really brand loyal. I flew Turkish Airlines to Algeria because it was not only one of the few airlines to fly to Algiers but it also offered me the most economical fare. Never mind that Turkish Airlines is a member of Star Alliance and not oneworld.

New Beginning

As we’re into the 14^th day of the New Hijrah Year, I think it’s as good a time as any for new beginning.

It’s high time to get rid of all toxic, one-sided, disadvantageous, unhealthy relationships that cause me pain, hurt, grief and anguish.

It’s time to be selfish and think of myself.

If you think I’m hard-hearted, cruel, cold and unfeeling, well, let me tell you I think I have been patient, kind, generous and considerate enough. I also have been made to feel used, taken advantage of and taken for granted.

No more of that. Enough is enough is enough.