If You Can't Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Kitchen

Alhamdulillah, I have been blessed with the rezeki and some time to go explore a new place (or revisit places I’d been to before). When I choose to visit a place, there are a few factors that I take into account: the length of time I can be away (and the arrangement I have to make of late with regards to dad), the destination, the sights/activities that the destination offers, ground transportation, weather, etc. I also search if there are any UNESCO World Heritage Sites within the vicinity that I can visit and how I can get from one place to another. Of course I also consider the language barrier but it’s usually at the bottom of my list of concerns, and even below safety in the destination. It's not that I don’t consider or think language barrier important enough but I believe we can always try to communicate - by sign language, by drawing, by imitating, acting out etc, instead of just verbally.

I don’t make my travel plans to make things easy for me. Sure, as far as possible, I would love everyone to be able to speak English so that it’ll be easy for me to communicate but of course that’s not how things work in real life. It would be great and ideal to have things fall into place, to have people bending over backwards trying to help me, to receive a kind word, gesture, smile and welcome, but that’s not how things happen. Shit happens, even in our daily life and what more in a foreign land. If I want to have it easy, I should just travel to English-speaking countries or countries that speak English well like Scandinavian countries. Why should I knowingly place myself into difficulty and struggle to even communicate? But I don’t think like that and don’t want to. If I am not prepared to put up with the hassle, then I’d best just stay at home. If I want to have an easy comfortable life then I should just stay home and be in a warm cocoon like a frog under a coconut shell instead of exploring the world and discovering what it has to offer and what Allah has created for us to enjoy, admire, learn from and be amazed with His grace and creations. Sure I have been known and have indeed lost my precious temper a few times while travelling when I get frustrated with the locals, when I have been treated unfairly due to my religion (I have been asked a few times to take off my scarf before going through the security process at airports and prevented from allowing a temple in Sri Lanka), when I was asked to move places just because I was a foreigner to make place for some locals but I try to communicate and engage with the locals despite the language barrier. Otherwise, why bother travelling at all if I prefer to remain in my comfort zone? Why put myself into trouble and make that extra effort of research? No one put a gun at my hand, no one forced me to go to certain countries and I made the decision to travel on my own. I make my bed and I should be prepared to lie in it. Just like everything else, I must hope for the best, be prepared for the worst and have faith that Allah will help me. 

If at all, I’m more worried and concerned about being subjected to religious discrimination/intolerance/prejudice and being attacked/mugged/robbed while abroad. But hey it can happen even in Malaysia and I have been a victim too. For this, I shall leave my affairs to Allah.

Butterfly

My dad has told me not to take any more trips several times now. The first time he said that he reasoned that he didn’t want the neighbours to be talking about me going off gallivanting somewhere seemingly without caring that he’s at home. When he first told me of this, I retorted back and asked if he meant that I should no longer utilise my annual leave but just work and work (unless he meant for me to utilise my leave by just staying home). I added it’s not as if I left him all alone but I made efforts to find him a male nurse and pay mega bucks for their service (I’ve had three male nurses come to look after him so far).

He repeated his request/advice just before I went for my trip to Africa in December and again after I went to Bangladesh. He said that I can consider resuming my travels when he is no longer around. I didn’t say a word either time but fumed silently. Yes, I know I should heed his advice but in my defence, it’s not as if I left him all alone. And I think it’s unfair and unreasonable to expect me to put my life and my travels on hold because of him or anyone else. Never mind that it’s unfair to expect just me alone to take care of him. I’m not and should not be the only person responsible for him. My other siblings especially my brothers should play their role too. Sure, of course I can travel after he is no longer around but does this mean that I’m to just stay put until then? What if he’s blessed with a long life, what if he lives up to 90 or beyond? Am I expected not to live my life until then? Am I expected to put my life on hold? Is it fair to prohibit or prevent or forbid me like this? And what do I care about what the neighbours say anyway? It’s not them who accompany him to the hospital and clinic appointments anyway. They can say what they want. They will say what they want anyway no matter what I do or don’t. Anyway, I should think they have other better things to worry and think about than to care about where I go and what I do or don’t do.

Dad seems to forget that unlike him, I will be all alone when he goes. That all his fears will be my fears except that I don’t have anyone who’ll keep watch on me. He forgets that I have my own life to live. As it is, I rush home almost daily to run errands and tend to him. I don’t stay out, I don’t even have dinner with mates or anything. I take care of everything from outside to inside, from sweeping the porch and leaves to cleaning up after the incompetent Indo cleaning lady WTF, from getting dinner ready to ensuring dad doesn’t choke on some fish bone, even getting his medication ready and putting in his eye drops) and my annual leave is something I look forward to utilising. He overlooks that it’s unfair of anyone to ask another person to put his or her life on hold. If you love someone especially your own children, you should let them live their own lives and let them make their own mistakes. You can dispense advice and make requests but don’t blackmail them by saying if they don’t do something you want, the neighbours will talk and think badly of them. Doesn’t dad realise I need a break occasionally - from work, from household chores, from all the worries, from the constant demand on my time, energy and attention? Sometimes he asks if I don’t get tired from travelling and he would say that he gets tired from watching me travel. Well, surely that is the whole point of it all: to travel while I still have the energy, passion and time to do it all and not wait until I’m weak and helpless and dependent on cane or walking stick and on others to only start travelling then.

I try to do my best, I try hard to be a good daughter. But sometimes, with requests like this, I just get angry at the demand and the unfairness of it all. So I have to be a good child, a good daughter, but my brothers can neglect their filial duty? Is that fair? Of course it isn’t and yes, before you say it, I do know that life is never fair anyway. Why can’t he stop and think about the unfairness of the situation? Why doesnt he demand the same from my other siblings? Does having a family absolve them of their responsibility to dad? I won’t stop doing my part of course; if I’m around, I have no problem taking care of dad. But do understand that I want to have an occasional break too. Surely that’s not to much to ask for or expect or understand? It’s hardly unreasonable after all.

Life is too short to be holding grudges and to be putting your life on hold. Life is too short to spend it waiting for someone to do you any favours, to expect anything from others. And life can just be easily be snuffed out, be taken away, be cut short, so it’s stupid and senseless not to seize the day and live each moment to the full. And travelling is part of my life. It is unfair, unreasonable, inconsiderate and selfish to ask me to stop doing it altogether; it’s too much to say it’ll be like cutting off my oxygen supply but yea, it’ll be like cutting off a limb. More precisely, it’ll be like clipping off the wings of a bird or a butterfly.

‘The only time you really live fully  is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.’ -Theodore Roosevelt

Going Solo

I had the opportunity to listen to a talk by Anita Yusof, the first Muslim female/Asian to travel alone around the world on a Yamaha FZ150i. She shared the challenges she faced, the journey (of course), the experience, the ups and downs of her trip, and some pictures she took along the trip. But I especially understand and relate to what she said towards the end of her talk about being and feeling so close to Allah when she travelled alone. I feel that too on my trips. When I’m all alone in a strange land, I talk more to God. I pray, I lament, I glorify Him whenever I come upon beautiful sights, I talk to Him, I beg Him to help me catch the bus/train and that I’ve not missed it, I ask Him to help keep me and my family back home safe, well and healthy. This makes me feel closer to God. I only have Him and myself to rely on at all times. So yes, I do understand what Anita meant about being so much closer to Allah on our respective solo trips.

There are those who frown upon ladies, especially Muslim ladies, travelling alone. Yes, by right, this is not a done thing. But if I have to have and wait for a mahram to be available to accompany me on my trips, I may never be able to go on one. It’s like going to perform Haj: if I had to wait until I have a mahram or husband, then tell me what I should do if I’m not ever blessed with jodoh? Do I wait and wait until I have a mahram available to accompany me or do I not go in the end when Haj is an obligation on all Muslims who are able to make the journey? Alhamdulillah, I had my brother then who was going so I managed to go under the premise of him being my mahram, never mind that he departed from Johor Bahru, under muasassah and different flights and departure/arrival dates altogether. So at least I managed to perform Haj then (but Allah, I so badly want to go again because You know why). But what about other trips? Am I not allowed to embark on any trip then?

I believe Allah is Most Compassionate and Understanding and that He understands my need for travel. It’s not that I embark on trips for the wrong reasons. I don’t take hedonistic debauched trips. I still observe my dietary requirements strictly and I don’t miss any prayers because I’m a Muslim wherever I am, not just in Kuala Lumpur. This is important to me because I see a lot of plastic Muslims who drink and generally behave in ways not exemplary of Muslims the instant they’re away (oh but you’re not supposed to say anything and just mind your own business because who cares about your faith – Muslims should forbid evil with his hands (action), tongue (words) or his heart and the last is the weakest of faith).

Anyway, back to travelling solo. I feel free, liberated, happy and at peace when I travel alone. It’s an almost religious experience when I take in new surroundings unfiltered and without the influence of others’ prejudices, tastes or preferences. Going solo provides me the opportunity to know myself better and indulge myself fully. I can go at my own pace and not have to slow down or sigh while waiting for others or enduring others’ impatience when I’m slow. Any mistakes I make are my own, I have no one else to blame them, so it makes me accountable and my triumphs all the more enjoyable. Indeed, there are so many benefits to travelling solo that I don’t know why more girls don’t do it. I do join tours now and when I do, I prefer joining one where I don’t know most of them so that way, I could make new friends. It might be fun travelling with a group of girlfriends but I’m so used to travelling alone and so used to my own company that I may resent intrusion into my privacy. Besides, why not meet new people and make new friends?

#30Stays: Next Stay

My next stay is... oh, I will let you know when I’m back! Watch this space then!

#30Stays: Holiday I Want To Do Over

I would love to go to Italy, the Czech Republic, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Morocco and Iceland again and again!

#30Stays: Favourite Travel App

My favourite travel apps include TripAdvisor, Booking.com, Kayak and Venere.

#30Stays: Things I Always Forget To Pack

I hardly ever pack any ointments or sea cucumber cream or Axe Brand medicated oil, well, not yet anyway. It’s not that I forget to pack them but I never have (not yet!). I’m one who makes lists because I know I can be ditsy and forgetful. As such, I don’t normally forget things when I pack.

#30Stays: Place Everyone Has Been To Except Me

It seems everyone has gone to South America and I haven’t!!! OK, I know I’m exaggerating but when oh when will I ever set foot there??!

#30Stays: Trip When I Was Most Out Of My Comfort Zone

This is definitely the Nepal trip no doubt about it! I went alone as usual and did a leap of faith over Pokhara. Nepal is a poor country and we all know people in poor countries don’t place hygiene as a top priority(heck even Malaysians don’t place hygiene highly!). The roads there are bad, the cities are busy, dusty and dirty. You see litter and dog poo even at temples and the locals also like to spit – even at UNESCO Heritage Sites. And don’t let me mention the public washroom... I think even India is a lot better.

All the above doesn’t mean I hate Nepal. I’m just stating my observation and letting you know that it was there that really had me out of my comfort zone.

#30Stays: Place I Can’t Wait To Take My Kids

If and that’s a big IF I ever have kids, I would bring them everywhere. Not just amusement/theme parks but also to the mountains, to the ancient city, to the desert, to perform Umrah or preferably Haj together. Then again, dreams are one thing, while reality, well reality is a different thing altogether.

#30Stays: First Thing I Do In A Hotel Room

First thing I do is put my bag on the luggage rack, fill up the kettle, make a cuppa and then study my map while having my cuppa. If I haven’t performed prayers and thought I’d be out for a while, I’d then perform prayers. Then only would I venture out to explore the area.

#30Stays: Most Beautiful Place On Earth

Oh this is a tough one. Iceland was beautiful, Prague and Český Krumlov were beautiful, Sarajevo and Mostar were beautiful. I can’t decide on one single place really.

#30Stays: Most Welcoming Place I’ve Stayed

I think the most welcoming place I’ve stayed at was Noordin Mews in Georgetown, Penang. I arrived after 11 pm and yet I was received very warmly. I was told I could check in the next morning but as I didn’t think it would take long, I said I would just check in then and they accepted this. They brought me to my room and minutes later, a male staff appeared with a late-night fruit snack and some Chinese tea. I could not fault their service throughout my stay even if I wanted to.

#30Stays: If I Only Had One Holiday Left

I don’t think you can call a Haj or Umrah trip a holiday but if I had only one trip left before I meet my Maker, I would like to visit Makkah and Madinah. It’s too much to ask to have the privilege of dying and being buried in the Holy Land though...

#30Stays: Place Everyone Loves But I Hate

I absolutely dislike Bali and especially Kuta – I thought it was so darn tacky. I didn’t hate the trip we took to the terraced rice fields and farm in the heart of Bali though.

I must also say that I found Salzburg disappointing. It didn’t help that I arrived there from Český Krumlov which surpassed my expectations. The horrid grey dull wet Salzburg weather didn’t help of course (plus it gave me a cold). I wouldn’t say I hate Salzburg but I certainly didn’t find it all that great.

#30Stays: Place I Wish I’d Visited Sooner

I wish I had gone for Haj a little bit sooner so I wouldn’t have to wait so long for my second trip - but then again, as a single girl, I need a muhrim and I couldn’t go any earlier even if I wanted to. I wish I had visited Egypt earlier. But no regrets. I am where I’m supposed to be and God has His reasons why I went to the places I went when I did. Thank You, God.

#30Stays: Most Mind-Blowing Place I’ve Spent The Night

I wish I could say I’ve spent a night under the stars somewhere, camped in a yurt in the steppes, slept in a cave in Cappadocia but alas, I haven’t. I had slept in a tent in a desert with hundreds of others though – this was in Mina when I performed my Haj and it was challenging to say the least.

#30Stays: Favourite Road Trip

I don’t enjoy long road trips anymore; I prefer flying or taking the train. I don’t mind short road trips and some of those that I enjoyed were to Melaka, Cherating and the recent weekend trip to Kuala Selangor and Sekinchan (my first time there evah! - believe it or not). If not for the winding roads that I have to endure on my return leg from visiting my nephew at his boarding school and the long drive to visit my niece at her boarding school, I would have visited them more often.

#30Stays: Best Person I’ve Met On Holiday

One of the best persons I’ve met on holiday is Andrea. We have since travelled to Sri Lanka and Indonesia together and I’d gone to visit her in Manila twice. She’s now married and staying in Bacolod and I haven’t had the opportunity to visit her new home yet.

#30Stays: Place I Visited At The Wrong Time

I can’t honestly think of any place that I’ve visited at the wrong time. It was of course too hot when I visited Myanmar the first time but I suppose it was normal for a place like Myanmar to be that hot at that time of the year. And I visited Iceland at the right time; I was just unfortunate not to have sighted the Northern Lights.