I
did have feelings for you. The thing is (besides having problems expressing it –
funny, when I can really express myself and have an expressive face) I love
myself first before I could give my love to someone else. It was just because I
had gone through so much shit before. I have trust issues. I have fear of
abandonment. I don’t fear new opportunities, new love or new vulnerability but I
do fear old pain. I have to fix myself first before I could be with anyone
else. I have to heal myself first. Be with myself. Spend time just by myself. Be
kind to myself. It was nothing personal. I had to do it for me because I have
to treat myself as priority. I had to spend time on myself first. And that was
it. That’s why it didn’t work out with you and with the others. Why things fell
apart.
Sometimes
you just have to block everyone else out first to fix what is broken inside of
you. Sometimes it really is not about anyone else but you. And sometimes you
just have to give yourself all the attention you need, spend time with yourself
and invest in yourself before giving yourself to someone else.
As
@SteveBartlettSC put it: I’m nowhere near my potential yet. I realise that. So right
now, I am my focus and priority. If you add to my life, you’re welcome to stay.
If not, I’m good and I’ll wait. There’s no gratitude greater than taking care
of yourself. Being selective about how you spend your time and who you spend
your time with is a sign of self-respect. The healthiest foundation for any
relationship is one where you want someone, but aren’t depending on them to
complete you. Complete yourself and then go and have a healthy relationship
with someone who doesn’t need you to complete them either. You won’t have a
healthy relationship with someone else if you have a toxic relationship with
yourself. Stop searching for the right person and focus on becoming the right
person. Your first priority has to be you. Invest in, chase and impress
yourself before you invest in, chase and try to impress anyone else. If you can’t
find happiness alone, you’ll struggle to find it with someone else.
So
yes, I’m gonna put myself before anyone else first. Me before you.
