Merdeka Weekend 2015

I spent Merdeka weekend in Penang. I had actually purchased ticket for the Labour Day weekend; however, I decided to burn my ticket and made arrangements to travel to Taiwan instead. As I couldn’t book Berjaya’s Georgetown City Hotel and didn’t want to spend too much on accommodation which I couldn’t claim for (I plan to bring my nieces and nephew on a local trip in December), I booked TheOffice’s residence in Georgetown. I booked the two-bedroom unit but it was also booked by another staff who would be checking in a day earlier so in the end, I booked both units (and not surprisingly was awarded the three-bedroom unit).

I flew on Friday afternoon, 28 August 2015, and landed at 17:05. We took the bus to Georgetown at a fare of RM2.70 (you must pay the exact amount as change is not given and Rapid Penang doesn’t accept Touch ‘n Go card). We hit the peak hour traffic and it took us more than an hour before reaching Georgetown. We alighted at Lebuh King and made our way to the residence. We checked in at the same time as the call for evening prayers.

It was my first time there and I was amazed at the size of the three-bedroom unit. It was huge! Gigantic! Spacious! You can fit six adults in there and still won’t feel like you’ll be bumping into each other all the time unless you’re all in the kitchen at the same time. The dining table can fit 8 people and the living room is huge too with comfortable sofas. You have to walk along a long corridor when you enter to get to the living room and the dining hall and kitchen are on the right (the other side of the corridor). Up ahead is the living room with sliding doors leading to the balcony while on the right is another corridor leading to the three rooms. The first room was the master bedroom (king bed) with its own living room while the two other rooms have twin beds. They are all en-suite.

We walked out to find dinner but would you believe it, we had such problems finding dinner! We walked all the way to Jalan Penang and Lebuh Campbell but most eateries were already closed. The few that were open were stalls and I wasn’t comfortable with their hygiene level. We finally headed back to Lebuh King and had our late dinner (supper, more like) at an Indian restaurant.

On Saturday, 29 August 2015, we went out at 07:30 and went for a morning walk. We covered 6.9 km, not bad as it was my first morning walk/jog even before my LASIK surgery. We returned to the residence and after showering, we took the CAT bus to Jalan Penang. We walked to Seow Fong Lye Kopitiam at Lorong Macalister to have chee cheong fun before returning to Jalan Penang for a browse around the bazaar and Chowrasta Market (ugh). The chee cheong fun was supposed to be great but I found it just OK. Passable and not all that spectacular. 90 minutes after chee cheong fun, we went to Joo Hooi Café (I read about it in the inflight magazine the day before!) and had assam laksa and cendol for lunch. The café was packed to the rafters and we had to stand around before we could find a table but it was good. It proved that the food was good. After all that, we walked to Komtar. I wanted to buy some books but the Popular store at Komtar couldn’t help me so we took the bus to Gurney Plaza. I bought 6 novels there, deciding I’d worry about transporting them back to KL later.

We then walked over to Jalan Burma to catch the bus back to Komtar. From Komtar, we walked to buy some putu mayam at Jalan Dato Keramat then back to Jalan Penang to catch the bus back. Rested for the rest of the afternoon before heading out at 18:30 to find early dinner. We crossed over to the food court at Taman Kota Lama and queued 45 minutes at Hameed Pata Special Mee, no kidding. 45 minutes! I was a bit apprehensive about the noodle colour but any doubt was buried after my first bite of fried noodles. It was good! I reckoned I deserved another plate of noodles after all that wait and had mee rebus too. We returned back around 8 p.m. The residence didn’t subscribe to the Asstro channel showing the Newcastle-Arsenal match so I didn’t see our new signing, Mr Owen Gole, scored another goal for us. I went to bed just after 11. Today, I covered > 16 km on foot!

On Sunday, we went for another morning walk but turned in the opposite direction to that we took the day before. We also stopped at the weekend market at Jalan Kuala Kangsar and bought 3 kg of mangosteens. We also had vegetarian wan tan noodle soup for breakfast. It was a bit bland though. And in Georgetown (not sure about the rest of Penang), you must order drinks with your food or you’ll be charged 30-40 sen.

We walked back to the residence and finished up the mangosteens. Yes, I can eat them all right. I love mangosteens!

It started raining at noon so we waited out the rain and left after prayers. We took the CAT bus and walked to Penang Plaza as I wanted to check out some shop. Then we walked to Penang Times Square, stopping en route at Kek Seng Cafe for durian ice cream, before making our way back. The putu mayam stall wasn’t operating today so we returned empty-handed. Dinner was had indoors as we didn’t feel like venturing out again.

We woke up early on Independence Day and left at 07:30 after breakfast. We took the CAT bus to Komtar and then waited for the first bus to the airport. Bus 401E turned up so we boarded it. It took a while before we finally reached the airport.

We took off on time and landed at 20 minutes to noon. I took the bus back to KL Sentral and made my way back from there. Not sure when the next trip to Penang will take place but it’ll be Georgetown again for me instead of Batu Feringghi etc. I love the old buildings!

This Is How I Love

You know what irks me to no end? Those blinking buggers who make sweeping statements like ‘If you don’t like so-and-so, then leave Malaysia and migrate’, ‘If you don’t want to pay toll, then use alternative roads’, ‘If you don’t want to pay GST, go for products which do not attract GST’, and attitudes like ‘I’m the boss and I’m always right’, ‘I’m the boss and you shalt not question me’. The one I especially hate is to leave the country if you no longer like the way it’s run. It seems we can no longer provide feedback or criticism without someone being up in arms and all defensive. We cannot dissent, we cannot voice objection, we cannot question, and pretty soon, we won’t be allowed to think. We call ourselves a democracy but we cannot have rallies, we cannot take to the streets to express ourselves – because hey everyone wants peace and harmony, right? Taking to the streets is not our way, we’re more civilised like that, we don’t want riots and violence etc. Well, there are public demonstrations in the West and I don’t think they are backwards or third world or anything. Here, we choose to look the other way, telling ourselves we’re only small fry, that our voices don’t carry any weight. We cannot speak our mind, we have to be mute, deaf and blind, we have to trust the judgement of those who are robbing the country blind. All for the sake of peace and harmony, eh.

People forget that constructive feedback and criticism are usually made because those who criticise actually care and love the country. Hello, this is not a strange concept. We always want the best for those we love and care (e.g. children): we criticise their efforts because we want our loved ones to do well (because we know they can do better and because we believe in their ability to do better); we get angry and passionate if other people condemn and criticise our loved ones because we love them and we’re protective of them; we push our children to do better, to strive harder, to push themselves further because we believe in their potential – in short, we are relentless in pushing them to achieve more. By extension, we criticise the powers that be because we believe the country can be run better, the nation’s coffers be managed more prudently, the policies be made more wisely, the investment decisions be made more transparently and with greater accountability. Because, yes, we love and care for this country and we worry that it will be run into the ground, the country gone to the dogs and that there’s nothing left for our children to be proud of. This is how we show our love to our country and while it may be different from how other people show their love but it’s still love nevertheless.

So, if you love and care for your country, you don’t turn a blind eye, you show concern about what’s happening and you take the time to find out the truth. Be informed, don’t be ignorant. Don’t just sit there comfortable in your small world. Don’t be complacent and easily content with what the others insist is progress, unity, success, freedom and development. It’s not worth it surely to compromise our freedom and rights (and not just ours but our children’s). Because when the money has dried out, when the foreign investors have all but pulled out, when the robbers have escaped to save their pathetic skin, then it’s too late. If we still can’t open our eyes to what’s happening and learn from it and make changes in the future, then we only have ourselves to blame. And it’s our fault that we get the government that we have because we did make our bed and now we have to toss around and attempt to sleep in it.

God forbid we become another Greece or the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

My Body Is A Temple

Abah has been complaining of chest pains and finally Akak took him to Ampang Hospital on Friday (apparently IJN has referred him there). The doctor ran a series of test: blood test, x-ray and ECG and everything turned out fine. However, the doctor decided to ward him as he was still feeling chest pain. He ended up spending three nights there and was only discharged late Monday afternoon.

I must say I was quite impressed with the hospital seeing it’s a Government hospital. Abah spent his last night at the hospital in the first class ward (he forgot to inform his entitlement before that) and he was placed in a room for four (one bed was deemed damaged though as it could not be reclined). The ambience of the first class ward was way better than the second class (as it should be) and I had the feeling that one could heal there. (This post is not about Ampang Hospital however).

I’m still worried about Abah though. I hope the new medication the doctor prescribed would help because I don’t like to see him in pain. At the same time, I have this (perhaps irrational) anger at him for not taking better care of his health before. I talked about this with CT and we wondered why the generation before us don’t take better care of their health. Wasn’t there any health awareness back then? Didn’t they know what food to avoid? But then again, even though there’s greater health awareness these days, you still see a lot of unhealthy people around and people who don’t care about their health. There are higher number of obese people, increased numbers of smokers and substance abusers, and a lot more people with health risks. I’m not sure if the increases are due to deteriorating quality of life, poorer health choices (despite more awareness!), higher focus by the media, worsening environment, or all of these. And I don’t know if people still neglect their health because of plain ignorance, plain laziness, couldn’t-care-less attitude, leaving-one’s-fate-to-God attitude, depression, poor health choices, inherent conditions (inherited/genetic/hereditary), or if they want to gamble with the odds (especially smokers and substance abusers) despite the overwhelming evidence of the risks. I do know that in some countries, poor dietary habits and choices are due to the more economical prices of unhealthy food and the expensive prices of healthy food.

Do you seriously think we can eat anything and everything without paying for the consequences later on? Do you think our food choices, eating habits and diet, lifestyle and environment don’t play a role in determining our health? That we can just stuff ourselves silly, drink ourselves to a stupor, smoke ourselves to death and that our poor body can just bear all these mistreatment?

Some would argue that it’s personal choice. Let those who want to live fast/fat/dangerously do so if they want to. Hey, we only live once so why shouldn’t we enjoy our food, our life, our lifestyle? How dare someone else tell me what to eat and how to live my life! After all, it’s not as if you have to bear my medical bills or look after me when I’m ill. It’s my life, my body, my health, why do you care? Right?

Well, I beg to differ. Sure it’s your decision what to eat and how to live, but do you stop to consider that your unhealthy habits will cost the society in terms of higher health insurance premiums, government expenditures for health care and disability benefits or payouts? Why should someone who takes good care of himself, who observes a healthy diet and who exercises regularly, be made to subsidise for another who doesn’t at all care about his body or health? Do you think this is fair? And do you think it’s right to abuse your God-given body by feeding it unhealthy food, exposing it to ultra-violet rays and free radicals, succumbing to substance abuse etc.? How can we be the Khalifahs of Allah, perform ibadah for the hereafter and live if we don’t take care of ourselves? If we don’t take care of our bodies, who will? Our parents? Our children? Spouse/Partner? Siblings? Government? Please. You honour God with your healthy body (and dishonour Him with an unhealthy body).

After all, my body is a temple – not a trash can. A healthy body will lead to a healthy mind and help one to perform ibadah to God.

P.S. Please pray for my dad’s health.

The End Of An Era

Isetan Lot 10 will close its doors and will cease to operate from 3 August 2015. This also means it’s the last three days to shop there. I will miss it very much: after all, this is the place I head for almost every Friday and sometimes during the weekends too. I became an Isetan cardmember when Isetan first opened its doors at Lot 10 way back when, when I was still a student. I like Isetan KLCC but I always feel it’s slightly pricier (because Isetan Lot 10 carries more sale items or items with higher discounts). I’m indifferent to Isetan The Gardens while Isetan 1 Utama is too far for me to shop there (it doesn’t impress me either).

Like I said, I will miss Isetan Lot 10 very much and feel its absence greatly. Now, where will I spend my Friday lunchtime?

Miss Nerdy Librarian No More

I had been contemplating doing LASIK surgery on my eyes and even discussed it with my mate, C. We contemplated going to Professor Dr Muhaya (alas, I don’t think she’s at Prince Court Medical Centre any longer. She does have her own clinic but in Kajang and too far for me) and discussed it on and off for the past couple of years. It was just that though: discussion and I must admit I never did more research than that. I only started considering it seriously after the blasted corneal ulcer in my left eye in May and did some basic research.

I was at Lot 10 in June for my facial when I found out about Optimax road show at Lot 10 that very day to celebrate its 20^th year. I paid a visit and bought a voucher for the eye test (you need to do an eye test first to see if LASIK procedure can be done on your eyes). I then called up Optimax and set up an appointment for the eye test for 11 July 2015. It’d be exactly seven weeks since my corneal ulcer treatment at Gleneagles. I didn’t know if it was too soon but reckoned the experts would be able to advise me. The friendly person who took my call also asked if she could slot the surgery for me for the same day. I wasn’t sure then so I said no. However, after thinking about it, I thought, heck, I was going to do this anyway so I might as well do it on the same day. So I called back Optimax on Monday and asked for a slot to be scheduled so I could proceed with it if the eye test turned out to be successful.

Finally the day arrived. I had CT to help drive me and lend support for the test. I had Ashley, a friendly vision consultant assigned to me and he took me through a series of tests. Oh by the way, I had been advised and reminded not to wear any alcohol on the day so no perfume and no body spray and I was careful about the moisturiser that I used that morning too. My NIVEA deodorant is alcohol-free phew so that was OK. (You also need to lay off wearing contact lens for a few days before the test but I had already stopped wearing contact lens since the corneal ulcer episode.) There was a test to check my retina, a test to check my vision, power, ‘reading test’ to check if I was colour blind etc, etc. I also had some eye drops put in to dilate the pupils. I also met up Dr Stephen Chung in between the tests and he was forthright with me. He said that the corneal ulcer left a moderate scar on my left eye retina and I might have to undergo a different procedure for that eye.

Now, there are three different treatments at Optimax: the Customised All Laser Lasik aka FemtoLasik; the ReLEx smile; and the Customised Advanced Surface Ablation Lasik (ASA). The FemtoLasik method lifts a flap of the cornea using a vibrating blade called microkeratome. An Excimer laser is then used to vaporise some amount of inner corneal tissue. This is the basic method and costs the least. The ReLEx smile method is a minimally invasive technique which allows more corneal tissue to remain intact while the ASA removes the top layer of cornea (epithelium) before applying Excimer laser. The ReLEx and ASA methods cost about RM2K more and the ASA method is more complicated and would take up more recovery time. I started praying hard that I would be able to do FemtoLasik for both eyes. Oh, before I forget: Ash also said I had two options, to go for either 20/20 vision or monovision. He said my right eye (dominant eye) could see far while my left eye could see near objects and they compensate each other. If I choose 20/20 or perfect vision, chances are I would need reading glasses sooner than if I chose monovision. No, sadly, LASIK does not correct presbyopia so I would still need them later on but it would only be for reading instead of relying on the darned glasses all the time forever. And really, if you have been wearing glasses for as long as I have (since like forever! I wore it when I entered Standard 1 okay), the freedom from wearing glasses is really something to look forward to. After the corneal ulcer episode, I can no longer wear contact lens for fear of recurrence. Ash also alerted us of what could go wrong but assured that the chances of that were minimal.

I told Ash my preferred method of surgery which was FemtoLasik and that I would go for monovision. He then gave me a contract to read over so that I would be aware of my rights and responsibilities. After about ten minutes, I was called to sign the contract and witnessed by another vision consultant. You pay for the treatment at this stage and you have an option of paying in full or on interest-free instalment. Then I waited to be called in for surgery. I thought I had a slot at 2 p.m. but Ash said he thought he saw an earlier slot for me. I told him an earlier slot would be much better as it meant I could go back and rest for longer before it was time to break fast.

I was then called into the treatment area. We had to take off our footwear before entering the area. After a while, I was brought to the changing room where I had to change into a blue-coloured suit with a cap to cover my head and covers for my feet. The nurse then handed me a kit which contained the Do’s and Don’ts, a box of Refresh Plus lubricant eye drops, a TobraDex eye antibiotic, a pair eye patches complete with tape to hold them in place (I’m to wear them to sleep in case I accidentally knocked my eyes while sleeping), and some Ponstan as painkillers. Then I sat down to wait. I also read my novel to take my mind off the procedure. I was a bundle of nerves then! We did hear some countdown ’20, 19, 18, ...’ followed by another similar countdown shortly after.

Finally it was my turn. Dr Stephen called me and again explained to me what was waiting for me. He told me what was expected of me: to focus on the green dot and not blink. ‘Don’t fall asleep ok’, he added, ‘we need you to stay awake.’ Maybe some patients found the anaesthetics too strong that they fall asleep during the procedure? He also told me that he still wasn’t sure of my left eye but would try his best. He mentioned the countdown, that I just needed to bear the procedure for 20 seconds per eye and then they would repeat the procedure again using another machine. I told him that I wasn’t and never would be the bravest person in the world and asked that he bear with me. Oh, he also made some marks on my eyes with a pen (!). And then suddenly it was my turn. No turning back now!

I somehow made it to the operating theatre and laid down on the ‘bed’. There was a head rest for your head and then the bed moved slightly so that the machine was directly above my right eye. Dr Stephen taped my eye lashes and placed something over my eye to keep it wide open and to stop me from blinking. He continued talking to me, walking the procedure through to me, giving me encouragement and telling me to keep focusing on the green light dot. I felt as if I was staring out into space with all the planets and celestial bodies but in 2D. The green light was like a star and I focused on it. I did feel as if the green light was moving I did wonder if I was supposed to follow its movement but suddenly the light had shimmered into a bluish hue. There was a countdown at this time and I remember thinking ‘Oh so that’s what the countdown is for.’ I was a bit afraid if I could not keep my eye open for the 20 seconds (yes, 20 seconds only!). ‘What if I blink?’, I wondered although it was not possible for me to blink of course. Then Dr Stephen declared it was over and that he would proceed to the next eye. He also said that a nurse would hold my hand and I could sense someone coming over. I already had my hand out by then and I held (maybe gripped) her hand all throughout the procedure, which was just like the first eye.

After that, I had to get up and was guided to an adjacent operating theatre where again I had to lie down. The same procedure was repeated with a lot more eye drops and fluids and another countdown. I did smell something burning (I wonder what?) during this procedure.

Before long, it was over. Over! I was led out where I had a brief session with Dr Stephen. Then I changed back into my clothes and left. You must don your sunglasses by then so I did.

I had read up a few accounts of LASIK experience and generally they all said they experienced tearing eyes throughout the afternoon and some even lasting up to late the same evening or even early next morning. So when I got back at micasa, I changed clothes, performed prayers then went to bed. I had a ready box of facial tissues by my bed and went to bed. I got up just after 4 p.m. for some eyedrops and tried to get back to sleep but by then I was already restless and fidgeting. Alhamdulillah I didn’t have much tearing and I didn’t feel any smarting of the eyes either. I kept off books and Quran the whole of Saturday and Sunday. OK, I did finish up the few pages of my previous novel but that was all.

On Sunday, I went to Optimax again for a check-up. Check-ups are regular: the following day after surgery, a week after, a month after and three months after. I had to go through some simple eye tests and Dr Stephen also saw me and declared he was happy with my progress. My next follow-up is on Thursday, yes, the day before Eid.

So that was my LASIK experience. Thank you CT who helped read and do research on the various centres offering the service, helped drive me to the centre on Saturday and Sunday and helped provide support to scaredy me.

Goodbye glasses, goodbye contact lens and solution (already said goodbye to them seven weeks ago), and goodbye hopefully nerdy librarian look. ‘I look good in glasses,’ says no one ever. And this is why I can never understand those who actually wear non-prescriptive glasses for fun. We who need(ed) to wear prescriptive glasses can’t wait to be rid of them so why do some invest in non-prescriptive glasses?

If you ask me, the only glasses that make anyone look good are sunglasses.

And even then you will never be this cool.

My Birthday Weekend (3-6 July 2015)

There was a MAS offer recently and I availed of it by buying a return ticket to Jakarta. I had planned to take leave on my birthday anyway. So I too half-day leave last Friday and made my way to KL Sentral during lunch. i decided to travel light and not check in my bag as I didn’t want to wait for my bag like we did the last time I went to Jakarta in Ramadan. I had also done some research and decided to take the airport bus from Sukarno-Hatta International Airport to either Thamrin Mall or Gambir Station, and a cab from there to the guesthouse.

We took off on time and landed 15 minutes early. I cleared immigration quickly and made my way to the bus station. The bus frequency to Gambir and Thamrin Mall is every 15 minutes and one hour respectively so it was a no brainer. The ticket cost me IDR40K. I didn’t have to wait long; the bus arrived within minutes and we were already moving by 17:45. I broke fast on the bus.

We arrived at Gambir Station at 18:30 and I went out to the main road to hail a cab to the guesthouse. I reached the guesthouse about 20 minutes later (Jalan Cikini Raya was jam-packed!). After checking in, I ventured out to find dinner but nothing caught my fancy so I headed to Carrefour to buy some juice, tea and titbits.

On Saturday, I took a cab to Tanah Abang market. I had to ask for directions and finally found my way to Block B where I took the lift to the 5^th floor. I spent some time browsing the stalls before buying some caftans and innerwear for myself and some shirts for dad. I then decided to check out the other floor selling Muslim clothes at SLG (not sure what it stands for but it was below LG). Man, big mistake. There were a lot more people here and if there’s anything I really hate, it’s crowds. And from what little I saw, the things down there cost more than similar ones at the 5^th floor. I couldn’t wait to make my escape and hurried out as soon as I could.

I then decided to walk to Sarinah Department Store but was given the wrong direction and ended up in another area. Finally, I took an angkot back heading towards Tanah Abang, got down at a junction before the market area and took a bus to Sarinah. I walked in Sarinah but it was clear that as much as I dread the crowds at Tanah Abang, everything at Tanah Abang was at a fraction of the prices in Sarinah.

I didn’t stay long at Sarinah. I took the overhead bridge, crossed over and walked to Plaza Indonesia. Now this was more my kind of place: spacious, comfortable, air-conditioned, clean and posh. I availed of he complimentary wifi before exploring the mall. Then I crossed over to Grand Indonesia. At 17:15, I went to Food Louvre to find iftar. The food court was packed and I shared a table with a well-to-do family. I didn’t know if the trays were meant to deter anyone from sitting but as I didn’t know they were a family, I decided I’d sit there. Besides, like I said, the food court was packed. There was an announcement when it was time to break fast. I had pulled noodles but it was just average. The ones in KL tasted wayyy better!

After dinner, I decided to head back. I asked the cabbie to drop me at Cikini Station and went to Carrefour to shop for more juice and crackers before returning to the guest house.

On Sunday, I ventured to Tanah Abang again. I decided to take a bus this time. Missed the earlier bus by a minute and the next bus was packed to the rafters. I got down at the last stop and joined the thronging crowd descending on the market. It could be the crowd descending upon the Haram during Haj – that was the size of the crowd indeed and I’m not exaggerating.

I found the stalls I went to yesterday but ended up buying some innerwear from other stalls as they cost less. It was then when I started feeling stomach discomfort. So much so I had to use the bathroom there. Thank God it was clean. I even wondered if it was because of the lettuce in yesterday’s pulled noodles or the three slices of cucumber in this pre-dawn meal’s fried rice.

I left after an hour and walked to Plaza Indonesia. It took me only 22 minutes. I started feeling uncomfortable in Plaza Indonesia and decided to return to the guest house. And it was a good thing I did for I started feeling queasy. It turned out to be food poisoning and I was in bed for the rest of the afternoon and early evening. I ventured out briefly to ask the staff to buy me some ORS, isotonic drink, crackers and chicken porridge. It was a Sunday so unfortunately the pharmacies were all closed. The staff returned after an hour and I dragged myself up to receive the tray of food and water. I just ate the porridge devoid of any chicken. After sending the tray back to the kitchen, I returned to bed.

I got up a few times during the night to use the bathroom and every time I woke up, I made sure I drank some Pocari Sweat. I actually drank about 1.8 litres of Pocari Sweat in those few hours!

The next morning, I woke up for my pre-dawn meal. I forced myself to eat and managed only a quarter of the fried instant noodles. I went back to bed and rested a bit, drank more Pocari Sweat and forced myself to eat some crackers and dates.

I got up again after 7 and had a shower. Felt slightly more human after the shower. I had packed the day before, braving the pain. I felt that I could maybe take the airport bus and hailed a cab to Gambir Station. I bought the bus ticket and boarded the bus just a couple of minutes before I left. The bus took only 45 minutes to get to the airport and it went to Terminals 3 and 1 first before finally stopping at Terminal 2.

My bladder was bursting so I went to the bathroom first (clean! Thank God) before dropping off my bag. Then I went to clear immigration before walking slowly to my gate. The tummy was still delicate.

CT helped select seat 6B for me during check-in but I moved to row 20 as I wanted to lie down. The flight was uneventful, thank God, no turbulence or whatnot.

We landed at KLIA at 13:50, 20 minutes earlier than scheduled. Well done, MAS! I was home by 3 p.m.

That was my seventh trip to Jakarta, my fourth in Ramadan, and my first of food poisoning... oh well, there’s always a first time for everything I suppose.

Without You

It’s just another year.

Another long year to get through.

Another of your birthday.

Another Mother’s Day.

Another of Abah’s birthday.

Another Ramadan.

Another of my birthday.

Another of Akak’s birthday.

Another Syawal.

Another year spent.

All without you.

They say time heals pain. I don’t know if I’m healed, I think I still am healing. I don’t know how long this will take me because to be honest, I don’t know if I will be completely healed. It still hurts after all this time and to some, enough time has gone by surely. But it still feels like yesterday when I could hear and see you. I miss your advice and calming words and I know I disagree with some of your points at times but I don’t discard them outright.

I know I’m not the easiest daughter to have or the easiest to live with what with my stubbornness, my tantrums and my bad temper. But I always try to the best of my ability to be a good daughter to you and Abah. I do try to be a good girl, a good Muslim, a good daughter, niece and aunt. I walk on the right side, walk on the straight and narrow, do not litter, do not spit, do not hurt others, in short, do not do onto others what I don’t want to be done on myself. I don’t smoke, do drugs or drink, never have and insyaAllah never will. But all that is not enough because every living being will be called to meet their Maker.

My Syawal has been bleak, boring and gloomy without you. I don’t feel like celebrating like everyone else. There’s no cause for celebration for me without you with us.

A thousand tears will not bring you back. But I do so wish we could be together again. Because I miss you so much, more than words can ever say.

I MISS YOU, MUMMY. SO MUCH IT HURTS. Al-Fatihah.