Perspective

Is a half-full glass better than a half-empty glass (to me, it’s just a different way of looking at the same situation from a different point of view)? Is it always better to have something than not have it? Is it OK to feel like one is walking with two left feet in a relationship? Yes, it is better than one foot but it’s still not a pair of right foot and left foot.

I recently had a conversation with my mate, Mac, and for a brief while, I mulled over the questions above. He maintained that it’d be better for a couple to try work things out than to give up especially when there is a lot at stake: for married couples with children, there are the children to think of, the joint property, the talk that everyone would be having. For the unmarried couple, they’d have to weigh the respective family’s reputation and feelings, and yes, also the possibility of being the talk of the neighbourhood. Also who is to say that things would be better if they split?

While I agree with him to a certain extent, I argued that just as the disputing couple can’t foresee if things will improve, they can’t foresee either if things will not improve. And I said that while, yes, sometimes it’s better to have a little something than nothing at all, to cling on to hope and all that, it doesn’t work that way all the time.

I once read of a lady who was in a polygamous marriage – of her own will. She was the second wife. And while the husband tried to be fair to her, he set some conditions on her. For example, they couldn’t be seen together in public. They could go on shopping trips together but she must walk a few feet behind him (remember, they couldn’t be seen together, that was part of the deal). In short, he couldn’t acknowledge her as his legally wedded wife in public for reasons I can’t recall now: it could be to protect his reputation, or it could be to prevent the first wife from finding out. She was content and happy with the arrangement and accepted the terms. After all, she had her man, never mind that she had to share him or that she couldn’t admit it to the world.

So really, is it worth to be married that way than not be married at all? Of course, the choice was hers and I should respect her choice. But I can’t imagine being content with that had it been me instead in that situation.

With this in mind, I told Mac that I didn’t really agree with him that having a little something is better than nothing at all. Because sometimes it means compromising your standards as well as settling for second best.