An FB friend recently asked this question: What is the one thing that frightens you about growing old?
One thing? I can’t think of one thing that frightens me about growing old. That’s because there are many things that frighten me about growing old. I fear of being sickly, forgetful, regretful, unrepentant and inconveniencing others to take care of myself. I fear if I can’t embrace the phases of my life fully. I’m afraid of being helpless and dependent, of not being mobile, of having ailments crippling my movements and curtailing my freedom. I’m afraid of being sick in a hospital bed somewhere all alone and imposing on others to take care of me. (I’m not terrified of being alone in my old age because I still have my family - and being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely – but I hate the thought of being an invalid helpless oldie).
Besides growing old, I also fear dying (because we can die anytime, we don’t have to grow old to die) and I fear if I die too soon or too late. I fear of being at the brink of death and yet not being ready for it. I fear that I may actually long to linger on in this world and cling on stubbornly to the worldly material wealth and comfort. I fear that I’ll be too comfortable to give up the temporary pleasures that life offers (because life itself is temporary, hence life’s pleasures are also temporary). I don’t want to get old and then die without having really lived. I don’t want to let life pass me by and only realise it when I’m too old.
And when I die, I want my family members and closest friends to remember me fondly. I want them to miss me (is that selfish of me?) but not grieve me, because death is inevitable. I want them to remember the good times we had, the laughter we shared, the fun things we did. There was a short segment on the local news recently of friends of the late Dan Wheldon who put a tribute to him and I remember thinking that’s how I want to be remembered. And it caused me to rethink how I’ve been grieving over Mummy’s departure. Surely she wants me to move on and not be sad with her passing because if there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s death. Yes, she would want me to remember her in my prayers but she would not want me to stop living, to deprive myself of life, to continually grief for her. Peach, the wise girl that she is, said the same to me too. I can still grieve for Mummy, I will still miss her like crazy, but that doesn’t mean that I should stop having a life, she would not want me to. She would not want me to go on being sad and depressed. She would want me to move on, she would want me to remember the good times, the laughter, the trips we took together... and I will. I can still be happy and at the same time, still miss her and think of her. I don’t have to be sad whenever I think of her. (This will take some working because I still feel sad when I think of her because she’s no longer with me. Because she’s already on the other side while I’m still here. Because she’s no longer among the living but I’m still breathing).
So let’s start living our lives to the fullest if we haven’t already. Go take that trip, do that bungee jump, take that gap year to travel/do volunteer work... Let’s not put our lives on hold or park it away.
~~~~~~~~
Arsenal met Bolton for the Carling Cup on Tuesday night. It was not shown live (the ManUre one was though). From what I read it was an uncomfortable first half and we had to come back from behind with two goals in three minutes to win it 2-1. Park marked his second appearance for The Arsenal with a beautiful goal.
Maybe it’s time for some Park life if Chamakh’s woeful form continues.
|