Have You Ever thought you're a failure? That your life is A Series Of Unfortunate Events? Well, I'll be honest: yes, these insecure thoughts have crossed my mind. Sometimes I feel like such a failure. What have I done to enrich the life of my fellow countrymen? I've not done any voluntary work for any charity body - the closest I've come is to lend a helping hand when needed. I've not spent time to help hatch turtles, save the tigers or elephants, or help out in emergencies such as the tsunami or earthquake rescue teams.
Have You Ever felt that you're not at all that good at work? That compared to your peers, you're nothing. Not a high-flyer. Not an achiever. Just average. Yes, I know I don't work as hard and put in as long hours as some people. Nor am I as technically gifted as some are. But Sometimes, I wonder if I am in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong things. And that maybe, had I been given the opportunity, I could have been a better worker and I could have scaled the corporate ladder like some other high achievers. And I feel deprived of that opportunity. But God knows better that this is where I'm supposed to be.
And don't get me started on my personal life. I'm just that - a Failure To Launch, no doubt about it. Enough said 'cause I don't want to sound self-absorbed and self-obsessed. Not when there are many more problems in this world of more serious nature compared to my personal woes. But still, Have You Ever felt like howling out loud, bawling your eyes out and shout out to the world? Or is it just me?
Have You Ever watched from the sidelines and felt ever so helpless and hopeless because you could not do anything? I wish I could alleviate my parents' pain, take it away and make it all disappear altogether. But I can't even take care of my own problems or solve my own illness...
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
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Have You Ever been made to run around like headless chicken attending to nitty-gritty matters so much so that you only have lunch at 4.50 pm of fried rice from the cafe and it has never tasted worse - dry and tasteless and hence just about barely edible, with nothing in it, not even miserable anchovies or small prawns or a shred of vegetable. Yet you devour it like it's the best meal ever simply because you're famished beyond words and on automatic pilot eating mode, just open mouth, munch and swallow, eating for the sake of filling your tummy up so that you won't get gastritis. And your dinner is at 11 pm? Well, been there, done that. Keep up to this and I'll be reduced to nothing. And I don't want that. It's hard enough for me to gain weight, let me at least maintain it but no, I'm losing weight. I Sure do hope it's worth it. Anyway, the event for which my colleagues and I had been slaving on for weeks is now over. Syukur...
Strangely though, I don't really feel anything. Relieved, yes, but not to the point of shouting out to the world to demonstrate it. I'm just too exhausted. Or maybe I just can't be bothered any more...
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Well, this is a reminder, especially to myself if all these self-doubts reappear: that everything is meant to be and will happen according to God's plan. That even if I can't stand up and roll my sleeves to fight against injustice, I can do it in some other way. That even if I can't donate blood because I'm underweight, I can still play my part in helping mankind. And I can contribute in some way like donating to the WWF, giving away old clothes, ensure I help save the environment in my own little way etc. And I can continue making prayers for those I love dearly.
And the lessons of God are everywhere. Look around us, there's Always someone less fortunate at the other corner. I am not Alone in my troubles, which are few compared to those of others. There are sick people bedridden for years and suffering from unspeakable pain. There are people who haven't seen the sun or the moon or felt the Rain on their faces for years due to imprisonment...
Yes, I'm in a better shape relative to some people, I've only been pricked by tiny difficulties. Am currently reading this book 'Don't Be Sad' by 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qami and am sharing what little I've read so far with everyone:
No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees - before We bring it into existence. (Quran 57: 22)
The pen has dried, the pages have been lifted: all events that shall come to pass have already been written.
Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us (Quran 9: 51)
Whatever has befallen you was not meant to escape you, and whatever has escaped you was not meant to befall you: If this belief were to be firmly ingrained in your heart, then all hardship and difficulty would become ease and comfort. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: 'Whoever Allah wishes good for, He inflicts him (with hardship).'
He cannot be questioned as to what He does, while they will be questioned (Quran 21: 23).
Yes, the pen has dried and with it has been written everything that will happen to us... so shake off those insecurities, self-doubt, lack of confidence and let's live a life of No Regrets!
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