Humbled

It's been a roller coaster week, at times like the corkscrew ride and at times, like the plunging-down-from-metres-up-the-sky drop. And just like any roller coaster ride, I just feel like screaming my lungs out at all the twists and turns of the events and nightmares of the week which was slowly enveloping me. Yes, the feeling was akin to riding a real roller coaster with its twists and turns and lurches designed to deceptively make one feel like it's going to plunge him to his death. Don't know why I keep going for those rides when most of the time, I squeeze my eyes shut barely seconds after the ride start and holler out my screams for the remainder of the ride anyway.

Most of the week was a pattern of slogging away in the office during the day and spending quality time with Abah in the hospital at night before finally collapsing into an exhausted slumber later in the night. The hospital visit is a sobering experience at times, when you see the various patients admitted with their various sorry tales. I Always tell myself [yes, even before all this nightmare] that if I fall sick one day, I don't want to stay in the hospital all alone, counting the hours to the next visitor [if there's any anyway], slowly or rapidly getting bored with the monotonous routine established by the nurses and doctor and worse still, having all sorts of wires and tubes poking into myself. I can't bear to be all Alone like that but at the same time, I can't bear to trouble anyone or be a burden to my loved ones in whatever way. And I also don't want to die after having to battle some painful illness, which after the ordeal leave me feeling all weak and hopeless and helpless and losing all hope of ever recovering and living again. I just want to have a peaceful death, a death sorely missed by those around me who loves me and those who loves me enough to remember me in their prayers for the rest of their lives. Most times, I think, we can prevent these diseases by watching our diet, how we live our lives and how we adjust ourselves to external factors such as stress, pollution, free radicals etc. Yes, it's so not worth it having to spend days in a hospital ward being fed with tubes while kicking yourself for feeding your system all those junk. Oh, let me die in Dignity, God.

I am Thankful that my job [yes, I'm Thankful too I have a job] can be draining at times and this week has been pretty mentally exhausting. It helps somewhat to make me forget my own problems. And then there's the earthquake in Java, which makes my problems seem so miniscule by comparison. I hope I haven't been so absorbed with myself and my worldly problems that I forget being Thankful to God for all His blessings and for everything I still have. And that From This Moment On, I should stop asking 'Why me, God?' only in times of adversity but also in times of fortune/propserity. Like how the last Arthur Ashe put it [RIP].

It's humbling all the lessons and signs of God's Greatness that we can still learn and discover if we only stop to ponder and think about it. Especially if they come in the form of old women living all alone and sick patients who still fight to Stay Another Day in this world. And we're reminded that we're just mere mortals who God decides will have some more time left in this world. And that it's up to us how to live the rest of our lives to the fullest in the best way we know how. I think we all, at the very least, owe ourselves that.