Waiting To Exhale

 

Well, I guess it’s inevitable not to talk about the year, or rather, the past nine months. 2020 has undoubtedly been a very challenging year in all sense of the word. It’s been a testing, trying, tiring year for everyone. It’s been a year of trials and tribulations. I don’t think anyone escaped unscathed, I don’t think anyone was spared or unaffected in some way. And while it’s all too easy to just focus on the negatives, let’s instead look at the positives that we can draw from our experiences these past few months. Yes, this may be one of the hardest years for us, but it is also the greatest in terms of helping us learn how to:

- Be humble

- Be kind. Act, talk and think kindly. In fact, be overly kind

- Be mindful

- Be patient

- Empathise with others

- Eliminate toxic people 

- Find who our real friends are 

- Take care of our health

- Manage our effort, money and time wisely

- Focus on the things that matter.

 

I hope you haven’t been putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to learn a new skill, lose weight, run a half-marathon or become a ‘better’ person. Just getting through this shit is more than enough. Remove the junk from your mental diet by limiting time on social media, limiting time watching news and instead investing that time into things that make you feel good. Prioritise your mental health. If taking care of yourself means being a little more selfish, taking a mental health day or even letting someone down, then please let someone down. Your self-love must always be stronger than your desire to be loved by others. Set clear boundaries in work, life and your relationships. The most important form of self-care you can practise is unapologetically protecting your boundaries. Contrast your life in the right direction. If you focus on the life you’ve lost, you’ll soon find misery. If you focus on the life you have, you’ll soon find happiness. Remember that all of life’s seasons are temporary. Your brightest moments are temporary so enjoy them while the sun is shining. Your darkest moments are also temporary, so never give up when it’s raining. Remember, this too shall pass.

So even if you haven’t learnt a new skill, mastered a new language or achieved your resolutions and goals, if you have even managed to implement some of what I mentioned in the preceding paragraph, then 2020 won’t be in vain and won’t be for nothing. If we can find something to learn even in adversity and challenging times, it’s not all lost, is it? The truth is that bad experiences and bad people often teach us more than good times and good people. The most toxic unpleasant people in our lives end up making us kinder, wiser and more empathetic. The hardest times make us stronger, smarter and better prepared for tomorrow.

You should be proud of everything you’ve had to overcome this year. The pain, loss, self-doubt, fights, mental health struggles, and many sleepless nights where you didn’t know if you could make it. You’ve made it here. And you will make it through. Keep going. Be proud of yourself! And guess what? 2021 might even be harder so brace yourselves. Hey, we made it through 2020 (almost). InsyaAllah we’ll make it. Be patient. Persevere. Pray to God.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

 

My dad has been warded for the past week due to endophthalmitis. I would visit him on most evenings after work and then my sister would give me a ride back home.

 

We came home last Wednesday evening to find a door of one of our two gates opened and swung out (we usually swing the doors in). It had rained earlier so I was inclined to think the wind accompanying the wind must’ve been strong enough to swing the door open. I mean, a burglar wouldn’t be so stupid as to leave the gate opened, would he. Nevertheless, my brother-in-law went to check the garden.

 

After they left, I started hearing noises. I can’t tell you if those noises were the usual noises that I hear (was pretty sure they came from outside the house) so I took to peering out of the window on the lookout for any prowlers.

 

I fell asleep while doing my exercise (I was just too knackered) and woke up after midnight to go to bed. Barely an hour later, I heard what sounded like my bedroom banging loudly and it woke me up. I opened my eyes and looked at the door. It didn’t look like anyone was on the other side of the door and trying to enter the room. After a while, I got up and went to check. Everything was still. It wasn’t raining and there was no wind that usually accompanies rain to bang the door. So what was it that I heard then? Was I dreaming so vividly or was I hallucinating (somehow in my dreams)? Or was I just spooked from the opened gate door that it disturbed my dream?

 

Then on Friday night (or Saturday early morning), I dreamt and then felt a heavy presence in the room which proceeded to descend upon the bed next to me. I somehow sensed this presence reaching out towards me and I could feel the heaviness of it all slowly weighing down. I woke up and loudly recited ayat Qursi. After a while, I declared syahadah and then even called out the azan. Strangely enough, I didn’t feel spooked or scared, my heart wasn’t pounding crazily, I didn’t feel any cold sweat or goose-bumps or like anyone walking over my bed. I didn’t shiver, didn’t feel like wetting myself or releasing my bladder as I would’ve expected (not that I wanted to!) of course. I did have that images of those horror movies where you see casts being pulled and dragged by evil spirits or ghosts or whatever. Somehow though, I was unusually calm and had this thought that Allah is with me and He would protect me so that thing had better not mess with me. It did take me some time to fall asleep again though and I never looked at the other side of the bed.

 

My sister suggested I play ayat Ruqyah and I’ve been doing that since the weekend. I woke up at 03:20 yesterday morning for no reason and had problems sleeping again. I probably managed a brief kip and dreamt a burglar was in the house and in the bathroom. I remember calling out ‘HELP’ and then imprisoning the burglar in the bathroom and in my dream even wondered what I would do next. OK, maybe squirt some shampoo into his eyes when I summoned up the courage to open the bathroom?

 

I still hear the occasional noises, but I don’t know if they’re creaks from an almost 52-year old house or wild animals on the roof. Anyway, like I said, Allah is with us and He will protect us if we turn to Him, insyaAllah. I do need to play my part too in defending myself.

Mindfulness

I attended a webinar on Mindfulness last month (October being a Mental Health month) and would like to share here what I gained from the short session (I had attended one similar programme before). The session was conducted by Ms Evelyn Soong, a Clinical Psychologist.

 

She started off by sharing that we can become our own therapist by:

1. Knowing how our body works - physiological and psychological changes

2. Understanding mindfulness

3. Applying S.T.O.P. strategy

 

Flight-Fight-Freeze (FFF) Response is a self-protection and survival mechanism.

 

Physiological

When FFF is activated, breathing starts to slow down, heart rate and blood pressure increase. Blood flows to major muscle groups and sensory becomes sharper. Mouth goes dry, and you may start to sweat or have tremors.

 

Psychological

Negative thoughts, tunnel vision, anxious and scared, hypersensitive, restless.

 

Effects of Chronic Stress

Physical: increased risks of:

1. Gastrointestinal problems e.g. loss of appetite

2. Cardiovascular diseases because the heart beats faster than normal

3. Skin problems e.g. acne, pimples

4. Reproductive problems - difficulty conceiving, premature ejaculation

 

Psychological

Possible effects:

1. Cognitive: can’t concentrate, memory problems

2. Emotional: irritable, moody, lonely, unhappy

3. Behaviour: affects eating and sleeping habits, withdraw from others

 

Mindfulness: awareness that arises from paying attention on purpose in the present moment and non-judgementally. Being aware of what you’re feeling, of your surroundings and what is happening, for example stopping back at a zebra crossing and looking at traffic and watching others non-judgementally. Being mindful means being fully present for the moment, paying attention to self, sensations, thoughts, what you see around you, and not overly reacting to the situation.

 

How being mindful is beneficial:

1. Reduced activation of amygdala

2. Changes in brain reaction, better emotional regulation, reduced anxiety and aggression

 

Mindfulness helps calms one down, improves concentration, reduces rumination, improves communication in relationships, enhances body immunity

 

S.T.O.P. strategy

Stop what you’re doing and putting things down for a while

Taking deep breaths, you can also extend it to a few minutes

Observe your experience, bodily sensations, thoughts, feelings, senses

Proceed to what you were doing earlier or something that makes you feel supported.

 

I hope you will gain some benefits from the above and start applying the techniques.

Humbling

What a year it has been so far, eh. It’s sometimes difficult to reconcile what started out as a promising new year to the current, almost desperate situation. It seemed that life has thrown us all a curveball when we least expected it and the thing is, just when we thought that the situation was beginning to improve, the cases spiked again. And again. And again. What was a period of no death spell is now a period of almost daily deaths. It’s not just Malaysia but a lot of other countries are also experiencing their second, even third, wave and have also reinstated lockdowns and travel restrictions.

 

I for one find this experience humbling. I find it humbling that this invisible menace has the ‘power’ and ability to affect and change so many lives throughout the world. We, the intelligent beings, have yet to come up with a vaccine to fight it successfully. We have not managed to arrest, curb and halt its spread - what we managed earlier was a temporary respite (number of cases has been increasing since end of September) - and the twice-extended conditional movement control order has so far not been successful. We are presently, in short, at its mercy. When I think about it, I wonder why people have to be arrogant and smug, condescending, dismissive and patronising to others when we are all equally vulnerable to the threat and risk of being COVID-19 positive or, worse, casualty. Don't they know that Nimrood die from a mosquito? Do they not remember how the army of Abraha was defeated by a flock of Ababeel birds? And this modern day virus has now claimed hundreds of thousands of lives. So why do some people act like they're invincible and untouchable?

 

If anything, this pandemic helps to remind me of the five before five (youth before old age, health before sickness, wealth before poverty, free time before preoccupation, and life before death).

Gotta Get Thru This

It’s been months since I last saw you. It’s been months since those blissful days. And it’s been months now that I have stopped taking things for granted.

It certainly has been a long time since I last saw you, my mask-less days. My travel days. Those halcyon days that I took for granted where I can walk without having to carry hand sanitiser, where I can go anywhere without having to bring my own prayer attire and prayer mat, where I can go anywhere without having to scan QR code, having my temperature taken, writing down details, etc. And yes, before you say it, I know that it’s not just me who has to go through all these. Everyone does.

 

And, just when we think things can’t get any worse, they do. Just as we’re adjusting reluctantly to the new abnormal and thought the curve has flattened, new cases surged back. Just as we start embracing the idea of getting to know Malaysia all over again and planning trips, we are now subjected to conditional MCO which prohibits even inter-district travel (and just yesterday morning I was pondering where to go this weekend!).

 

I’m really cursing those covidiots who helped aggravate the situation further, the double standard and the weak leadership. Some people were quick to criticise Selangor for the water cut a month ago (conveniently forgetting that Kelantan has yet to solve its decades-long water problem!) but fail to question the weak leadership and the double standards. Fie on you.

 

Well, we somehow managed to get through the long MCO previously. We’ll get through this again, insyaAllah. We are tough, determined, courageous, spirited and strong together and we will take care of each other (because you can't expect the government to do that for you). We won’t let COVID-19 get the better of us and rule our lives, we won’t let it batter our self-resilience and knock us down. We may stumble and fall but we will pick ourselves up again, keep calm and carry on as best as we can. And we shall overcome it, with God’s grace and will, ameen.

 

Stay healthy, safe and strong, everyone.

A Short Weekend In Dungun

 

Having been to both Pangkor Laut and Gaya Island Resorts twice, I decided that a second visit to Tanjong Jara Resort was in order. It was a good thing that YTL Hotels had a promotion at the end of the Restriction of Movement Order and I managed to get a room at reduced rates. I asked my niece to go with me and she agreed. Thus began a long period of counting down to the day of the departure (at least for me).

 

We left Ampang just after 10:00 on Saturday, 12 September 2020, and my niece drove us all the way there. We stopped twice at Temerloh rest area to use the facilities and then at Gambang for my niece to fill up. The day started off wet and we were caught in brief spells of rain during the journey.

 

We finally reached the resort at 14:45 and immediately checked in. After being attended to, we made our way to Nelayan Restaurant for our late lunch. It was bright and sunny to begin with but the weather changed not long after and started raining while we were having lunch. We shared a big brolly back to the lobby to get the room key before going to our room. We stayed in for the rest of the afternoon as the weather was not encouraging and rested. I was surprised to find a beach towel in the laundry basket and some sand in the shower cubicle. Hmm…

We went for dinner at Di Atas Sungei at 20:00. The thing about the Restriction of Movement Order is that the resort had no choice but to limit the number of eateries available to guests and have ala carte menu instead of buffet for breakfast and dinner so you miss out on those. It was a good thing that the quality and taste of food remained very satisfactory.

 

After dinner, we returned to the room. I woke up after 1:00 to find that I had dozed off while attempting to read.

 

I woke up early on Sunday morning to watch the US Open women’s tennis final match. After morning prayers, we walked to the beach for sunrise. We stayed for almost an hour before returning to our room.

We had made reservation to have breakfast at 08:30 and arrived about 10 minutes later. After a leisurely breakfast, we drove out to Dungun town. We stopped first at the main market where we bought some fish crackers. Then we drove on to the Dungun District Museum and spent an hour there. I tell you, I was so glad that we stopped there because the guard who gave us a guided tour was excellent. He gave such an entertaining, enjoyable and thorough guide to us that I was surprised to learn he wasn’t a local boy but actually hailed from KL. There was a young mother cat with her two kittens who were weaving themselves at our feet while we were at the ground floor. I strongly urge anyone going to and through Dungun town to drop by the museum and learn about the background of the town, district and Bukit Besi.

 

We then drove to find a blood cupping place (unfortunately it was closed that day) and then to 7-11 store as my niece wanted to top up her Touch ‘n Go card. After that, we drove back to the resort. We headed to Nelayan Restaurant for lunch before returning to our room. My niece went to swim at the adult pool near Teratai Terrace while I soaked in the tub. Ahh, bliss!

 

We repeated the previous night and went for dinner again but chose to sit at the ‘patio’ instead. Another satisfactory meal was had and then we returned to our room.

 

I woke up early again on Monday morning as I was feeling warm and was actually perspiring. I decided to watch the US Open men’s singles final match. As it lasted five sets, I even managed to perform morning prayers, showered, dressed and went for breakfast before the match was concluded.

 

We checked out and left just before 10:00. We stopped at Temerloh rest area as I wanted to buy some patin fish before we continued our journey. It started raining before we reached Bentong and continued all the way until Ampang.

 

I think that might be my last visit to Tanjong Jara Resort as it’s a bit far to drive to. But I’m thankful that I had the rezeki, time and company to make the trip this time. Alhamdulillah.

Overnight Trip To Kuala Lipis (aka Little KL)

I was mulling the places to visit in early August and August usually being a busy month at work, decided I should make a short trip at month-end. I searched for places with historical buildings and I also contemplated visiting Pahang. Finally, I decided on Kuala Lipis. Being the former capital of Pahang from June 1898 when it took over the administrative reins from Pekan (1889-1898) until 27 August 1955 when Kuantan became the new capital, I reckoned it must have its fair share of historical buildings and I wasn’t wrong. Kuala Lipis is also served by buses from Kuala Lumpur (at Jalan Pekeliling, how convenient!).

I booked a hotel in the new town but when I tried buying the bus ticket online, it showed the buses were already full except for those departing late in the day. Well, it being the Merdeka weekend and all. I then went to Pekeliling bus station and managed to buy return tickets there. Alhamdulillah!

So on Saturday, 29 August 2020, I made my way to Pekeliling bus station. It was an overcast morning and was starting to drizzle when I arrived at the bus station. The bus left on time; however, we were soon caught up in a crawl along Karak. The bus stopped to drop off and pick passengers at Raub before continuing on. We reached Kuala Lipis bus station at 15:15 and I walked to my hotel from the bus station. It was a hot bright sunny afternoon in Kuala Lipis and I rested in my room before venturing out at 17:15.

It was still hot and bright and I made my way across the bridge into the old town. The first place I came upon was the Information Square. The Kuala Lipis Zero KM marker (not the only one in Malaysia) and the Post Office, one of the earliest post offices in the country, are nearby. I then continued on main street to the railway station and even entered it. After the railway station, I walked on along main street, admiring the old buildings lining the street, to the former state mosque which was built in 1888 by a trader from Yemen. I also stopped to take a photo each of Gurdwara Sahib and Thean Hou Temple before crossing over the railway track.

 

I then walked up to Pahang Club, passing the Hospital and the nurses’ hostel (built in 1926 and still in use). The Pahang Club, built by the British in 1907 for Sir Hugh Clifford who was then Ulu Pahang’s Superintendent. When Sir Hugh Clifford moved out to Resident House in 1922, the club house became the official home of Inspector of Police until 1926. The house was vacated in 1926 and became the club for British and High Ranking personnels. The house is presently in a sorry state though.

It had suddenly turned dark with strong winds by this time and had I been alone, I would have been spooked. I walked on to Dataran Lipis and continued until I reached the Clifford School (formerly the Anglo-Chinese School), built in 1913 and named after Sir Hugh Clifford, the second British Resident to Pahang. Many of the state’s leaders and royalty were educated there and even now, it is among the premier schools in Malaysia. During the Japanese occupation in 1940 when Kuala Lipis became the centre of administration for Japanese in Pahang, the school was converted to Japanese army camp and became the military headquarters and Kempeitai Head Quaters. The classrooms became a place or torture and execution.

The day had turned really dark and rain seemed imminent that I reluctantly turned and hurried back to my hotel. I went to have dinner first at a restaurant close to my hotel before returning to my room to rest.

On Sunday, I woke up early for prayers and went for a morning walk back to the old town. This time, I headed up Resident Hill for the Residency Building. I asked a local for directions but she wasn’t sure (seriously?!) and decided to just follow my instinct. The building was built in year 1922 at the highest hilltop in Kuala Lipis for English Residents. The first Resident to reside in this building was, yes, you guessed it, Hugh Clifford himself, the then Superintendent of Ulu Pahang. All Residents thereafter stayed in this building until WW II broke. From 1958 to 1965, this building served as a hostel for male students of the Clifford School before it was closed on 31 December 1965. It was left empty until 1983 before being converted into a Government Rest House. You can see the Lipis District Administration Building from this hill and that was where I headed for next.

I climbed up the steps leading up to the Lipis District Administration Building but unfortunately, the building was fenced and it was closed (I was half expecting an easy access like the City Hall in KL and the Pahang Club and Residency Building in Lipis). I decided to climb and clung to the hillside to take some pictures and was about to leave when I saw a hole in the fence, large enough for anyone to sneak in. I contemplated and finally decided to take the risk and climb in – all for some photos! I was sorely tempted to walk around but I couldn’t face the prospect of being arrested for trespassing so I didn’t venture much before sneaking out of the hole again. I walked down the steps back to the main road and was pausing midway through to take a sip of water when I heard rustling on my left. I walked a few steps before risking a glance and was shocked when I saw a black snake slithering across. Whoa. Unfortunately, my reflexes were too slow to take a photo of it. Oh well...

I walked back to the palace and the mosque and was surprised to find a couple of graves next to Centrepoint.

 

 

I walked to the main street to Medan Tangga to find breakfast and was disappointed to find that apart from a mamak restaurant and a Malay restaurant selling rice, the other stalls were non-halal. Finally, I turned back and returned to my hotel. Before going up to my room, I decided to check if the Restoran Gulai Kampung Kuala Lipis behind my hotel was opened and I was in luck! Alhamdulillah. I bought some fried rice and noodles and returned to my room to shower and get ready.

I left at 11:15 and checked out. After collecting my RM20 deposit, I walked to the bus station for my 11:30 bus back to Kuala Lumpur. The bus left on time and after collecting passengers at Benta and Raub, we continued on our journey. The journey was smooth this time and we reached an overcast KL at 14:15.

 

So that was my short but satisfactory Merdeka weekend.