Parts Unknown

In the space of three days last week, we received news that Kate Spade and then Anthony Bourdain had ended their lives. None of us will ever know why they decided to exit this world the way they did and when they did it. Is it because they want to have some form of ‘control’ over their lives that they want to also be able to control when and how they die? Is it because life has become even more intolerable even for them? Why do people who seemingly have it all – fame, money, an enviable lifestyle – choose to end their lives this way? Do they think that their problems are so bad that life is no longer worth living, that the easiest thing to do is to check out regardless of the consequences this would have among their loved ones?

There had been a time when I would look at the river and wonder how it would feel like to throw myself over the bridge. This was a long, long time ago and while I wasn’t suicidal, I did wonder what would happen if I let myself fall into the water below. I’m thankful I have my faith to stop me from any suicidal thoughts and crazy acts but I still couldn’t help wondering. I also think those who end their lives are actually brave to do it because the coward that I am would never be able to hurt or inflict pain on myself. This does not mean that I condone their action in any way. Sure, life gets to us all. No one is so unique as to be spared life’s problems but to end my life would feel like an ungrateful act to Allah who gave me this life. And besides, I’m not that selfish enough to do that to my parents and family and loved ones.

Depression, life issues, health problems, family and/or marital problems, disorder (bipolar, borderline personality, Asperger’s and other types of disorder). Who don’t have any one or a combination of these? Some even have problems which tick all the boxes but still they have a passion for life. This is what makes Bourdain’s suicide puzzling to me. He appeared so passionate and hungry for life and that’s what makes his suicide especially hard to grasp. It just shows that people also may have parts unknown where they need help. But they must also know that they should seek for help. They should not be embarrassed to be seen to be asking for help.

So if you or know someone who have parts unknown to others, do reach out and seek help. Don’t let yourself drift deeper into the parts unknown. If you don’t like human company, you might consider getting a pet: a cat, some fish, guinea pig, or hamster. Pet therapy has been proven to treat mental illness. On my part, I also find it helpful to talk and confide to Allah. I understand some of us are private people who don’t like to unburden our problems onto others, who don’t want to trouble and worry others, who are secretive or just have trust issues with others so talking to a Higher Being would really help. Similarly, if you know someone suffering, pay attention and listen to them. Show empathy and not judgement. Make them feel that they’re not as alone as they think. We can all help each other.

This life is never meant to be a rose garden. We will always be tested in one way or another. That’s just how life is. Life can be frustrating, depressing and upsetting and it can drag you down but it can also be wonderful and fulfilling. While it’s all too easy to just give up and want to die, know that life is always a better alternative to death (unless you have terminal disease). Life is such a precious gift that we should cherish every moment. It’s a blessing to be alive and be able to impact other lives. We can all contribute while we’re alive (just look at Tun M!). Besides, you never know whose life you’re touching. So let’s choose to live and try to make it a worthy meaningful life. Ask any of the refugees fleeing for their lives and risking their lives while trying to save themselves and I’m sure they will tell you they all want to live despite everything they have lost. As for me, like a line from Bon Jovi’s It’s My life, ¯I just want to live while I’m alive...¯

Busy Busan: Some Pictures

View of Busan city from Lotte Department Store Gwangbok

 Gwangandaegyo Bridge

Lotte Department Store Centum City

I asked the shop assistant at Nature Republic (she speaks fluent English) to write this for me. It’s supposed to say I can eat seafood and vegetables but not meat

The crazy queues for the Vietnam Airlines check-in counters at Gimhae International Airport on my morning of departure

Busy Busan: Part II

Sunday, 29 April 2018

I woke up at 03:30 local time to perform morning prayers. The girl in the bed below was snoring and the Vietnamese girl across was not happy about it. I felt like telling her that her grumbles were as noisy as the snores.

I woke again at 07:15 and there was a queue for the bathroom. I didn’t fancy going out to find another bathroom so I packed my things while I waited. I went down at 08:45 with my bags and had a light breakfast. I left just after 09:00 and walked to Inside Busan (I had searched for it the previous evening) and it was only 5 minutes away. I had booked via Airbnb to stay there for the next two nights. I left my bags in the double ensuite room I would be staying in (the previous guests had just checked out), keyed in my door code then walked to Busan metro station.

I rode the metro to Toseong station, exited the station at exit 8 and walked to the bus stop at Cancer Hospital about 100 metres away. While it is possible to walk to Gamcheon Culture Village, the village is built on the foothills of a coastal mountain so it’ll be a steep walk up. You can take bus numbers 1-1, 2 or 2-2 to Gamcheon Culture Village.

We arrived at the bus stop at the entrance of the village and alighted. I went to the left to admire the scenery and even went down some steps to explore the nearby area before retracing my steps and making my way to the main entrance. There was a festive feeling in the air and I walked along the main thoroughfare around the village. A bit of history on the village: it used to house the city’s poorest people, but during the Korean War, refugees fled their homes for Busan (known as Pusan until year 2000), which was the only area which was free from fighting. The North Korean People’s Army had pushed back UN forces to a 230-km line near the south-eastern tip of the Korea Peninsula known as the ‘Pusan Perimeter’. This was the only part of the peninsula the North never held. These refugees fled to Busan, but the areas near Jagalchi quickly became overcrowded and the refugees eventually flooded Gamcheon as well. Many quickly built shanty homes along the hillside (which is why Gamcheon should remind you of the favelas and slum areas in Brazil and the Medellin slums in Colombia). At the same time, or slightly before the influx of refugees, a person called Cho Cholje, the founder of a new religion called Taegukdo that believes in yin and yang, had moved his religious headquarters to Gamcheon. Interesting fact: Gamcheon is also known as Taegukdo Village. Cho told the refugees that he would help them if they believed in Taegukdo, and the refugees did. Together with the Taegukdo followers, the refugees rebuilt their shanty homes into concrete homes which we see today.

I spent two hours at Gamcheon then made my way to the bus stop for the bus back to Toseong station. The small bus was full this time. I stood close to the door and driver (even the driver was young and handsome! Probably a university student working part-time as he really looked young).

I took the metro to Jagalchi station one stop away and walked to Gukje Market (in hindsight, I could have just walked from Teseong station). I was looking for street food for lunch and when I finally found the street food stalls, I had to wait until I could find someone who could speak English to translate for me. In the end, I asked loudly if anyone could speak English and to my surprise, one of the street food hawker aunties actually knew English and helped me pick my lunch. Fancy that!

After that, I crossed over to Jagalchi Market, the largest seafood market in Busan. Fresh seafood is sold at ground level while dry seafood is sold upstairs. There are many food stalls on the upper level too but most seemed to be selling some kind of seafood stew for at least four people. I left and walked along the market towards Yeongdodaegyo Bridge and Lotte Department Store Gwangbok and passed a few seafood restaurants along the way. I was tempted to try some noodles but was still full from the street food and besides, it was nearing 2 p.m., where part of Yeongdodaegyo Bridge would lift up for 15 minutes to allow ships to pass between the south and north ports. There were already many people waiting at the waterfront. I stayed until the part of the bridge that lifted started coming down before leaving for Lotte Department Store Gwangbok.

At Lotte Department Store, I took the lift up to the eleventh floor where the petting zoo is. From here, I went up the stairs to the observation deck for a view over Busan. You can also go to Busan Tower but you have to go up Yongdusan Park and then to the tower itself and you have to pay for the entrance fee.

After going around the observation deck, I went down and walked out of Lotte. I decided to skip the metro (nearest station to Lotte is Nampo) and walked back. Along the way, I stopped at 40-step Culture & Tourism Theme Street near Jungang Station (if you take the metro, take exit 11). The 40-step stairway embodies the joys and sorrows of refugees and those displaced by the Korean War and I was a bit surprised when I arrived in the area and found it deserted. I did meet three uncles at the steps and we helped take pictures of each other. After we parted company, I walked along Donggwang-gil which is somewhat parallel to the main road of Jungang-daero all the way back to Inside Busan. Busan is a pretty hilly city and Donggwang-gil is at an elevation over Jungang-daero.

Back in my room, I performed prayers. I tried switching on the air-conditioner but it didn’t work. After some snack, I went out again and took the train to Geumnyeonsan station. It was a nice area of Busan but alas I was too late to catch any cherry blossoms. I walked along the waterfront for a bit to see the Gwangandaegyo Bridge before returning to the station. I took the train to Dongbaek to view the skycrapers and decided to call it a day after a stroll around the neighbourhood.

I rode the metro back to Busan station and walked back to Inside Busan. I had a light dinner before returning to my room. It may be hot during the day but the nights were cool and pleasant.

Monday, 30 April 2018

This morning, I decided to try the city bus so after breakfast, I walked to Busan Train Station and after asking for directions, took the exit for the bus stop. I waited about 10 minutes for bus 1003 and rode the bus to Suyeong metro station. To my pleasant surprise, the ride took less than 25 minutes and definitely shorter than getting there by metro (I would need to change trains at Seomyeon and climb up and down stairs from one platform to another)! From Suyeong, I took the metro to Centum City. Shinsegae Centum City is the largest shopping mall in the world but I only went to Lotte Department Store. I spent about an hour there before taking the train to Seomyeon. You exit the station to Seomyeon Underground Shopping Centre and it’s a huge sprawl of shops located underground. It even made me wonder why we are keen to build cities below ground as if space is already limited above ground. Or are we just greedy for space? There are clothes shops, cosmetics shops (and Korea produces a lot of cosmetic and skincare), vintage shops, shops selling curios etc. There are multiple shops of the same brand (The Face Shop, Nature Republic, Etude House...all skincare shops). I walked around and around and finally went up Lotte and above ground to find some street food but nothing caught my fancy. I then returned to Lotte and went up to the top floor where the duty free is. I was tempted but after a quick online check, found that things cost less in Europe.

I rode the train back and returned to Inside Busan. After lunch and prayers, I rested a bit before venturing out for dinner to the restaurant where I had my first dinner in Busan. After dinner, I went to Top Mart to buy some seaweed to bring back. I had come prepared with my foldable duffel bag to store the packets of seweed. Heh.

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

While you can take airport bus to/fro the airport and city, I decided to take the train instead. I left at 07:15 after a quick breakfast and walked to the Busan metro station. There’s a lift to bring me down to the station and another lift to get to the platform and the lift reached the platform just as the train arrived. Alhamdulillah. I changed trains at Seomyeon (there were a few other fellow travellers also bound for the airport) and rode the train to Sasang. At Sasang, I exited the metro and walked to Sasang LRT station (LRT there is above ground). The train was already waiting when I reached the platform and I quickly ran to board it and a good thing too for the doors closed twenty seconds later. We reached Gimhae International Airport three stations later and all in all, it took only 45 minutes from Busan metro station to reach the airport. Fantastic! I quickly made my way to the counter and was shocked to see the long queues for Vietnam Airlines snaking across the hall. I was the third at the web check-in counter so ladies and gentlemen, do check in online prior to your flight unless you enjoy queuing. The lady at the counter asked if I wanted to change to an aisle seat two rows further up and I accepted happily.

After dropping off my bags and getting my boarding passes, I took the escalator down to arrivals level to return my Cash Bee card. The chap at the counter explained that there would be 500 wons charge as administrative fee and deducted from the card balance. That was fine with me. After getting my refund, I went through security and passport control. The duty-free area was not too big and after browsing, I headed for my gate. We boarded about 30 minutes before departure and took off just slightly later than scheduled.

We landed at Saigon Airport at 12:44. I went through transfer process and was browsing the duty-free shortly after. The duty-free here was different as it had a lot of Vietnamese products – jewellery, clothes, handbags from exotic skins (crocodile, snake). I happily browsed them all (and almost tempted to buy one bag but wasn’t sure of CITES) before sitting down to catch up on social media and my book. We were fed too soon after taking off from Busan so it was a good thing I had some bread and chocolates to eat while waiting.

We boarded at 14:30 and landed at KLIA at 17:53. My bags were out by 18:25 (record! This had never happened before!) but I was asked to place my bags on the belt before exiting. I asked why but received no answer. I got the 18:40 train to KL Sentral, reached KL Sentral at 19:08, got the Grab car and was home by 19:45. Alhamdulillah. This was the first time that I arrived home in less than two hours after I landed.

What We Can All Learn From The Past Few Weeks

Age is just a number. You’re as young or as old as you feel.
We can all serve our country no matter how old or young we are.
Never use age as an excuse not to do something.
Sometimes you need an old workhorse to fight along with you.
Don’t dismiss senior citizens as have-beens.
Sometimes your own worst enemy may turn out to be your closest friend – over time.
It takes a special person with a lot of courage not only to forgive another who has wronged him but also to urge others to vote for this other person.
Never underestimate the power of the people and the voice of those oppressed.
You may be in power and in command one day and be easily and quickly stripped of it, humiliated and shunned the very next day.
Play fair and fight fair. All is fair in love and war, right? You may have the engine at your disposal and other forms of help (shamans, witch doctors) but if Allah wills otherwise, you will still lose.
Your family name will not necessarily save you.
Be matured instead of stooping to despicable behaviour. The person whose face you had cut out from posters may come back to haunt you.
An established decades-old institution can still be toppled. No matter how strong and powerful one is, one can become irrelevant.

I’m not a big fan or supporter of Tun; I have always had this distrust in him since I was at boarding school. But if Anwar can forgive him, well, I can be open-minded too. Alhamdulillah, my prayers have been answered. As for you, Tony, you’re just an apologist opportunist capitalist who hedged wrongly and now have to come out with a video to cover your ass. You said you were under pressure? Well, the way I see it, a lot of people were also under pressure be they businessmen or the common people were under pressure too way before the General Elections but they didn’t go as far as compromising their principles. How could he think what he and AA was being neutral? Give me a break already!

Busy Busan: Part I

I usually go to Europe in May but had to change my plans this time around as my new boss wanted me to handle a major event in the second week of May. However, as it turned out, I needn’t handle the event anymore as it became part of my colleague’s portfolio. It was too near to May to plan for a trip so I decided to look elsewhere instead.

I had finally decided on a destination but when I checked again a couple of days later (on Kayak and Expedia, the ticket price had increased. I was not happy and kept checking every few days. Finally I decided to try PYO Travel (as I did for my Macau hotel booking and second trip to Taiwan) and guess what, while the price was higher than when I first searched for the flight, it was nowhere as high as those quoted on Kayak and Expedia (Kayak did suggest using Budget Air but the reviews put me off and anyway, it turned out to cost more than what PYO Travel quoted). So I decided to purchase my return ticket using PYO Travel. The only snag is the different price structure if you pay for the ticket immediately (no charge if you use CIMB Clicks but you need to pay an additional amount for using Maybank2U) and if you pay using your credit card (you need to pay a higher amount for using credit card). As I absolutely hate paying more when I can pay less, I decided to pay for the ticket in full using my colleague’s CIMB Clicks. Of course this led me to being broke in February (and March when I utilised PYO Travel again to buy ticket for my long break but that’s another story for another time, insyaAllah).

Friday, 27 April 2018

I was woken up ridiculously early but the bloody evil bloodsuckers and as much as I tried to reclaim sleep, it eluded me. I finally gave up and got up to get ready for work (even watered the plants at 06:00 a.m. after morning prayers!). I left home with my suitcase as I was planning to go to KLIA from the office. I had initially applied for leave in the afternoon as my flight was at 19:10 but decided to cancel it after discussing with my boss. I didn’t want to be at the airport too long and was debating if I should kill time at Nu Sentral or take the shuttle from KLIA to Mitsui Outlet Park. Logic prevailed and I decided I would do neither. I would not be tempted to window shop (I might end up buying something and it’d be pretty silly to haul it to my destination and back). I should not be spending money unnecessarily! So I discussed with my boss and she agreed for me to clock in early and leave slightly early. I told her I would make up for leaving 15 minutes early by working half an hour during lunchtime so I wouldn’t be short-changing my employer. It’s better for me to save my leave in case I need to use to utilise them later what with dad’s condition.

It was a battle getting to work that morning as the buses were late and filled to the rafters. I only managed to push myself (and bag) onto the sixth or seventh bus. I ended up arriving 5 minutes late to work... (made up for it by working during lunch).

CT came to send me to KL Sentral and despite a wrong turn, we reached KL Sentral in time for me to board the 17:15 train to KLIA. There was hardly any queue and as I’d checked in online the evening before, I went to drop off my bag before going to buy bread.

I was a bit surprised that I had to take the aerotrain to the gate as it was a regional flight. Anyway, I was lucky as the aerotrain arrived as I got to the platform. I arrived at the boarding gate around 18:30 and we were called to board about 15 minutes later.

We landed at Hanoi International Airport before 21:30 local time and I went through the transit process. It was a bit difficult trying to find a power outlet to charge my devices and finally I used the outlet behind the TV screen near my gate.

Saturday, 28 April 2018

We were called to board just after midnight. I probably dozed off during take-off but woke up soon after. The crew then served us late dinner and I wondered why they couldn’t serve early breakfast instead about 90 minutes before landing. Anyway, despite my earlier meal, I was hungry.

I tried sleeping but sleep was not surprisingly elusive (not helped by the Korean aunties sitting near me who kept yakking at each other). Finally I got up and went to perform ablutions for morning prayers.

We landed at Gimhae International Airport just after 06:00 and it was already very bright. We had to fill in landing form; I did try getting it on board the plane but was given one in Vietnamese (well, I flew Vietnam Airlines anyway). It was a slow process at the passport control with only two counters opened for non-Koreans. Even then, there were still a lot of people at the bag carousel waiting for our bags. My bag emerged just as I came out from the bathroom. After freshening up, I went to 7-11 to buy Cash Bee card for transportation within Busan. I only realised that I could not use the card for the bus to Gyeongju and had to buy another ticket. The card itself costs KRW5,000 and you can top up as much as you want; I chose to top up KRW40,000 into the card.

After buying the card, I dropped by the Information counter where I was directed to the bus stop for the bus to Gyeongju. The fare cost KRW9,000 and you can pay by cash or card. The bus arrived shortly after at 08:20 (you can find the schedule here) and after a brief stop at the nearby domestic terminal, we were on our way.

I managed to doze off and woke up just as we reached Gyeongju almost an hour later. After storing my suitcase into the small locker (it fit just nicely! The small locker at the bus station cost KRW1,000 while the bigger one cost KRW1,500), I went to change a KRW1,000 note into coins for the locker. After a quick check at the bus schedule for the bus back to Busan (08:30, 10:00, and every 90 minutes thereafter), I went out to get the bus to Bulguksa Temple. You can ride buses no. 10, 11 or 700 to Bulguksa and bus no. 12 from Bulguksa to Seokguram Grotto. I used my newly purchased Cash Bee card to pay for my bus fare and settled down. There were a few American travellers in the bus too.

We reached Bulguksa Temple bus stop at 10:20 and I dithered if I should wait for the 10:40 bus to Seokguram or head for the temple first. I finally decided to head for the temple rather than waste 20 minutes so I went up across the park and up the road leading to the temple. It was starting to be a very hot day by then so much so I quickly shed my cardigan off.

After paying the entrance fee of KRW5,000, I went into the temple grounds. We were greeted by a gorgeous garden with a lotus pond. There are willow trees and shrubs with giant carp weaving through the lotus stems. It was so very peaceful and serene that I was almost reluctant to leave the pond but I finally walked up to the temple complex. There were already a lot of people around. Well, it was a fine spring Saturday anyway. I spent about an hour there before returning to the bus stop for the 11:40 bus no. 12 to Seokguram. There were more people arriving as I was leaving.

It was a 20-minute uphill winding bus ride to Seokguram. I read that it’s part of the Bulguksa temple complex and that it’s possible to hike there from Bulguksa although if you’re thinking of doing so, I would strongly suggest you visit Seokguram first before going down to Bulguksa because it’s a mighty climb up to Seokguram. I followed the other visitors along a winding path to the grotto. Photography is not allowed in the grotto. The centrepiece of the granite sanctuary is a Buddha statue seated in the main chamber on a lotus throne with legs crossed. The Buddha is surrounded by panels of ancient Indian gods in the rotunda. I thought the KRW5,000 entrance fee was very steep compared to what I experienced. By the way, Seokguram Grotto and Bulguksa Temple are UNESCO World Heritage Sites.

I walked back along the path back towards the bus stop and waited for the 13:05 bus no. 12 back to Bulguksa. From the Bulguksa bus stop, I joined many other visitors for the bus back to Gyeongju. Bus no. 10 finally arrived at close to 13:30 and I was back at Gyeongju Intercity/Express Bus Terminal at 14:21. I had enough time to buy the ticket for the 14:30 bus to Busan (cost KRW4,800), retrieve my suitcase from the locker and use the facilities before boarding the bus. We reached the Central Bus Terminal almost an hour later and I followed the signs to Nopo metro station. I rode the metro from Nopo (station no. 134) to Busan station (station no. 113).

From the station, I took the elevator up and went to find Kimchee Busan Station Guesthouse where I would spend my first night. It may have guesthouse in the name but it’s a hostel. I was surprised to find a Malay family of six at the lobby (I never met Malaysians at the hostels I’d stayed before!). I checked in and found two other Malay girls were in my dormitory room. In fact, there was a Malaysian student there working at the guesthouse (the guesthouse provided complimentary accommodation in exchange for two hours of work in the hostel; I thought it was a very good offer). There was no key needed; you just need to place your palm on the keypad on the door to activate it and key in your code which you set when you get to the room with the help of the hostel staff. It’s a very good idea for people like me who don’t want to carry around heavy keys and risk losing them.

After settling down and performing prayers, I went to explore the surrounding area. The guesthouse is in Chinatown so I was surprised to find a lot of Russians and Russian businesses invading into and overtaking Chinatown. There was a small neighbourhood market and the larger Choryang Market. I had dinner at a small noodle shop a few steps away from Choryang Market and very near Top Mart, the neighbourhood supermarket. The woman didn’t understand English and I don’t speak Korean so I had to draw poor representations of fish, cow, pig and chicken to tell her my dietary requirements.

After dinner, I browsed Top Mart before returning to the guesthouse. I had to wait to use the bathroom. The two Malay girls returned after 10:00 p.m. and I went to sleep just after 11:00 p.m. It had been a long day which followed a sleepless night the evening before and the unplanned ridiculously early start on Friday.

To be continued

This Is Life

My dad came back from the surau after Maghrib on Tuesday (he usually stays until after Isya’ prayers) claiming he had sudden vision loss in his right eye. Some kind folks helped drive him home. I told my sister and she then told me that she asked her doctor friend who advised to bring to the hospital immediately because it could be a symptom of stroke.

So after dinner which I just gulped and barely tasted, I brought him to Ampang Puteri. We were in luck for the ophthalmologist (the same ophthalmologist who treated Mummy’s glaucoma back then) was on call then and she brought us to her clinic. Akak had arrived before the ophthalmologist came so I wasn’t alone. After some tests, she concluded it was a stroke of the eye and that it was not diabetes-related but his medical condition. It could be due to his diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, heart valve problems or age, or all of them. She advised us to bring him to see a cardiologist although she did say that late at night, the cardiologist would not be able to see dad there and then anyway. As dad doesn’t have medical insurance and as he’s already seeing the doctors at Hospital Ampang for his heart, she urged us to bring him to Hospital Ampang immediately as it was an emergency.

We went back to pack (in case he had to be admitted) before heading for Hospital Ampang. We arrived just before 01:00. As you know, the process is always a lot slower at government hospitals and we were not spared. We had to wait until well past 3 a.m. before Abah’s number was called. The attending doctor consulted her colleague then told us she needed to check with the ophthalmologist. We had another wait before we were called again. She said she had made an appointment for us to see the ophthalmologist early the next morning so she suggested we head back home, get some rest and return at 07:00. It was after 04:30 then. I managed to somehow finish a book I just started on my ride home and caught up with the footie scores during the long pre-dawn wait.

We got back at almost 05:00 and I tried to grab some sleep. I set my alarm for 6 and we left just before 7, reaching the hospital at 07:11. It was another round of wait for us to get our number and we had to register him at the ophthalmologist counter first before returning to the admissions counter for the number. After that, we waited a bit before we were called. Another round of tests and then they put some eye drops into dad’s eyes to dilate the pupils. We then had to wait for the eye drops to open up the pupils and in the meantime, went to get dad’s sugar level and blood pressure taken. Then it was back to the first room. The doctor then consulted the ophthalmologist proper and he came over, had a look and then explained the situation (the scientific name is ‘branch retinal artery occlusion’) to us. He said the first 90 minutes after vision loss is crucial and what they call the ‘golden hour’ where treatment must be sought. Treatment beyond that may not be as effective. He also said that there is not much anyone could do in this situation although we could still try of course (ikhtiar) with eye massage and eye drop.

We then had to endure another wait for the nurse to take photos of my dad’s eyes and then another return trip to the first room where the first doctor asked us to return in a week’s time. After that, I went to wait to get appointment sorted before we went down to the pharmacy to get the prescribed eye drop. We left after 12 noon.

Akak brought my dad back to her place yesterday afternoon. When he went to stay with Akak back in December then again in January, I felt sad when he went. I’m not the world’s best daughter, what with my short fuse and temper but I try my best. And now I don’t know if he’ll come back to stay in our house because he can’t even drive anymore with his limited vision. I think this is why I woke up feeling very sad on Monday.

Oh Allah, You give us so many gifts and blessings in so many forms and You take them back one by one, bit by bit. It just shows how fragile, helpless and powerless we really are and again I don’t see why some people have to be so arrogant and proud when there’s a greater being out there.

~~~~~~~~

I so dislike hospitals and it’s a sobering and humbling experience to be there and to have spent such a long time there (yes, I know I was there only a fraction of the time some other people endured especially those who have to make weekly visits). Indeed, we are encouraged to visit the sick so that we’re reminded of death and our mortality. You see human drama being played out at every turn – pain, suffering, acceptance – and if that doesn’t make you be aware of how utterly helpless and powerless we actually are, then I don’t know what will. Again, I was reminded of how it would be for me if I were to not have jodoh and be single forever. I would definitely have to live in an assisted living facility then. Of course there’s no guarantee your spouse and grown children will take care of you either.

At the hospital yesterday, I also thought of how scary it is that most of us choose to neglect our health and well-being or take it for granted, how lackadaisical the attitude of some of us who live our lives as if we will be healthy forever and how ungrateful we are to God who created us when we subject our bodies to such abuse with our thoughtless feeding and lack of care. I also wondered at the point of asking for a long life because what’s the point of longevity if one is riddled with diseases (Dear Allah, I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m ungrateful for my life but yes, this thought crossed my mind)? I know the last my parents want is to burden us all but I’m glad my sister and I are able in our own way to care for them.

This is life. ‘He Who created death and life to test which of you is best in action. He is the Almighty, the Ever-Forgiving. (Surat al-Mulk: 2).’ Even when we don’t understand what’s going on, we have to trust the Almighty because He has worked it all out for us. He has a specific purpose for our respective lives and we need to trust Him fully. We will be tested and tried, there’s no question about it, and we have to bear patience. The Almighty won’t make us endure more than we can bear. There’s so much we can’t control but what we can do is to focus on the things that we can control and trust the Almighty to take care of all the rest. Oh Allah, grant ease to everyone going through trials and may we face every new day with hope in our hearts. Lighten our burden. Amen.

End Of An Era

First of, I must apologise for not updating this blog for some time now. I’ve been busy at work and also doing research for my upcoming trips. A lot has happened since, both in the local scene and abroad of course but I’m not going to cover them.

But the news that broke last Friday, 20 April 2018, was somewhat shocking. Yes, a lot of us have wanted change for some time now. Football and especially Arsenal have become stale of late. I no longer find myself watching them and instead have been consciously watching something else or reading. But as much as I want change, I didn’t understand and hated the abuse hurled to Arsène. Sure, he can be frustrating with his beliefs, principles, stubbornness and insistence, but he never deserved the abuse. In fact, he never hid from his responsibilities, even in the face of the tasteless banners. He answered difficult painful questions and he defended his players. In short, he never ever shirked from his responsibilities, no matter how unpleasant it has become. You’ve got to either have very thick skin, very strong beliefs and principles, or love for the club to keep on doing what he’s been doing. I suspect he has all of those. Even I can’t bear watching the team play of late so obviously I’m so much more a worse fan than Arsène is. As Amy put it, maybe he finds it upsetting to see the values he has tried to build are the subject of mockery and abuse. Maybe he was pushed into leaving by the Board or Ivan, maybe he’s had enough. But one thing for sure, he is professional about it all, preferring to focus on the here and now.

I’m sure you’ve read most of the articles and seen the clips about him by now so I’m not going to do that here. I’m just sad that the era is ending. 22 years is a long time, for some, longer than their own life span and the club/team can’t just have a brand new start without his influences still playing a big role.

I do hope the club will do a lot of serious thinking about his successor. He has extra latge shoes to fill after all.

Merci beaucoup, Arsène. Farewell, our dear Professor. You will be sorely missed.