You Don’t Mess With This Girl

I used to be a deep sleeper. I could sleep through thunderstorms and neighbourhood noises and once I even slept through an attempted burglary (yes, at our house). I could sleep through any racket, blissfully unaware and oblivious to everything around me. Akak used to say ‘I’m sleeping next to a log,’ and yes, I did sleep like one. I still sleep like a log during afternoon naps but sadly, I no longer sleep as soundly at night as I used to.

I woke up this morning at exactly 4 am by a sound not unlike someone trying to start a motorcycle. It persisted for a while before I realised in my fogged mind that a motorcycle doesn’t take that long to start surely! Then I realised the wall was vibrating as well so much so I wondered if it was an earthquake. But the sound persisted on and on and I dismissed that thought too. Could it be from the roof and if so, was someone trying to break in via the roof? I reluctantly got up (it was impossible to sleep or even attempt to in that racket anyway) and went from room to room and finally went down to the hall and then to the kitchen.

I could hear the sound echoing, resounding, heck, reverberating relentlessly throughout the house and I knew it came from the other side of the wall. I pondered what to do: should I knock on the wall to let them know I was aware of the noise, that it woke me and was keeping me up, that it was not a civilised hour to be doing any DIY work? Or should I go and ring their doorbell and meet them face-to-face instead? I switched on the tube as I pondered over this and switched it off again after having satisfied myself that England was leading in their match against host Belarus. I was in no fine mood to watch footie.

Then a thought struck me: what if the neighbours were being burgled and that they were put in a trance (hence why they were deaf to the noise)? So I did the only other thing I could think of: call the police. I called the station that services the neighbourhood and was assured that a patrol car would be sent.

15 minutes went by. Still no bobbies.

I placed another call and was again reassured that they would track down the patrol car and have it check out our area.

The bobbies came at 4.45 am and I dressed hastily and went out to tell them of my concern. It was a beautiful pre-dawn morning with clear skies and a full moon but I didn’t quite notice all these. One of them asked if the source of the noise might be a broken down air-conditioning unit or someone snoring. I replied that it couldn’t have been a snore because it was too loud (and surely I would have heard of it before). The other bobby rang the bell a few times. It was a while before the neighbour poked his head out of the window. The bobbies questioned him and he said the noise came from the water tank.

Water tank? Water tank? A bloody water tank could make that much noise? And how did they manage to sleep through it all? (Could it be because they had their air-conditioning on that somehow drowned out the racket?).

I thanked the bobbies as they left. And as I made myself in, I saw the neighbours on the other side of my fence had also awakened.

No, I’m not feeling guilty that I made the police come. Because if something had indeed happen to my neighbours, I would not be able to forgive myself. I would kick myself for doing nothing when I could have done something like summoning the cops over. And besides, we all have legal rights to a quiet and peaceful neighbourhood and if you have noisy, rowdy neighbours, you can report them to the police for public nuisance (in the UK, there is an association and a guide by the Home Office that advise what to do if faced with such a problem).

I’m going to write a nice note to my neighbour to justify my action and to please stop throwing rubbish into the drain. You don’t ass this girl because she’ll just call the police (or the local authority for matters relating to hygiene) as her last resort.

So if I behave like a bear with a sore head getting up on the wrong side of bed today, it’s because I am sore and I always get up on the wrong side of bed and at the wrong time too.

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And speaking of bear, it looks like there will be a long bear market ahead.

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My MacGyver-wannabe mate and I were planning to watch Mamma Mia! The Smash Hit Musical but it looked like we won’t be able to as all the Tiers 2 and 3 tickets are already sold out (and the show is in three months’ time!). Only Tier 3 seats are available and he isn’t prepared to fork out that much money (and for that much money too, I could fly to Krabi). Even then, those Tier 3 seats left are single seats scattered everywhere so if you’re going with a companion, you still need to sit separately.

I’m gutted now, I really am.