Live To Tell

She is a housewife but not by choice. She has a degree from a university in the US but did not pursue her Master as the acceptance letter came just as she and husband were about to leave Uncle Sam for good. She confided that her father-in-law is adamant that women should just stay at home and become homemakers and good housewives. Pretty conservative belief, I suppose. The husband is now a professor at a local varsity.

I just found out recently that she once confided in a colleague that she was abused by her husband. I suppose that meant physical abuse and maybe also verbal and emotional abuse. My colleague told me the lady was not allowed to mix with the neighbours either and when my colleague met her many years ago, she was all covered up. Now that I think of it, it may be to cover her bruises.

She is my neighbour.

I have seen the husband but he looks nice and kind. But then again, who would have guessed what lurks beneath that exterior. I have not really met her – yes, after all this time. I have seen her from my bedroom window but that’s about it. Perhaps she is still banned from mixing with the neighbours.

~~~

She was first married to a no-good asshole. When she got married, she lost touch with her family. She worked hard to support the family because the asshole of a husband didn’t work or didn’t have much of a job. To top it, he was a brutal bully who abused her silly. Her then three-year old son once tried to shield her from his attacks. What a bastard.

She thought she was the only wife. Until one day, when the husband met with an accident and was hospitalised. That was when she met another lady who turned out to share the same husband. Yes, that was when she discovered that she was a party in a polygamous marriage. And I heard there may be other wives too.

She is my youngest aunt, my mother’s younger sister.

She had since gotten a divorce and re-married and returned to the family circle. And now she is the second wife but they look happy. My cousin looks happy too. And I suppose that is enough.

~~~

She has been married to the same man for more than 40 years now. The husband was a policeman and though I don’t want to generalise, he was [and perhaps still is] a brutal man who subjected her to abuses. She quitted her job early on in the marriage and hence could not just walk out of the marriage [besides it was unheard of in those days] with three young children. So she stayed on in the marriage.

They are still married. To the best of my knowledge, he is still the same. He still has a bad temper only slightly tempered mild over time. I’m not sure whether he has finally embraced the Islamic way of life. She is the total opposite of him – she probably finds solace in religion [she performed her Haj together with my parents many years ago because he refused to go].

She is my aunt, elder sister to my mother.

~~~

She didn’t want to get married. She wanted to just stay single. He was a widower with children from the first marriage. He proposed to her, at least twice, but she didn’t want to consider. She didn’t want to be saddled with the problems, headaches and heartaches of raising stepchildren.

He almost gave up hope but being a man with religious background, he continued to pray. Until one night, he dreamed that her much elder sister [who was also single] spoke to him in his dream to be patient if he still wanted her.

Circumstances dictated otherwise for her as her elder sister, suddenly passed away. And after listening to the advices from her other sisters, she finally agreed to his proposal.

She is my mother.

They are still happily married. Oh, there were [and sometimes still are] the problems as one would expect from a family with two sets of children from different wives. She often tells me how lucky and thankful she is to have married my father. Because he is a good man who doesn’t subject her to any kind of abuse, be it emotional, mental, physical or verbal. He is kind and generous and provides for her, within his means of course.

I am envious of them.

~~~

She is the eldest of nine siblings. She is a good daughter and as the eldest, helped out in supporting her younger siblings as they were growing up.

She was unlucky in love. She watched from the sidelines as all her younger siblings tied the knot one by one. As most first-born, she was patient and masked her feelings well.

Then one Sunday, she was invited to go to her boss’ place. She went, thinking it was duty call. And so she was most surprised when there was a prominent person also in attendance, who happens to be a good friend to her boss, who asked her hand in marriage on behalf of the boss.

She is my cousin.

She is now married to a titled person, finally, at the age of 48.

~~~

She still hurts from her past failed relationships. That is wrong because she should just forgive and move on. She has done that but the memories of the past still haunt her. To protect herself, she remains aloof and pretends indifference but deep down she cares. And she wonders what it is that is wrong with her that the male population shies away from her.

She had been proposed to before but didn’t consider it as she was getting over someone and didn’t think it fair for her to consider it then. Besides, they were hardly a couple. And a mere three months later, just as she thought she should maybe just take the chance, he announced that he had met someone else. She wished him well.

She met someone else after that but he turned out to just want to play with her heart. It took a long time for her to get over him because she didn’t want to lose hope and faith that he may have a change of heart and she also hoped for divine intervention. Finally, after a few years, she decided to just forget about it and him.

She met someone else after that and developed feelings for him but because she wanted to protect her heart, she never told him how she felt. Also, she was afraid that things might not work out between them. So instead of focussing and working on why and how the relationship could work, she worried instead of why it would not work.

She had issues at her work place - she really couldn’t cope well with stress and pressure so much that it affected her health, menstrual cycle and, to some extent, mental state. She pushed him away and this time, she pushed him too far.

I am that girl. And when I had love a mere five months ago, I no longer have it five months later.

~~~

My BigBoss just recently told me to ‘remember and forgive’ [because if you forget, you may forget the lesson]. I actually went to see him before he became my BigBoss to discuss the future direction of my career and he still remembers that meeting of course [seeing it was only a couple of months back]. So he called me into his room on Monday to discuss work and after that, to offer me some kind words of advice. I was really touched. He even said, ‘If you have any problems that you want to tell me...’ and I swallowed and replied, feeling almost close to tears, ‘No. Not yet,’ and after that I admitted that when I first met him, I was having personal problems too in addition to work-related problems. I don’t think I’d take up on his offer and burden him with my problems though; I’m sure he has enough of his own. But it was very nice, sweet, kind and thoughtful of him to offer me counsel and I can’t imagine my previous BigBoss doing the same.

I do not envy the situations of the ladies I have listed earlier, save for my mum. And while I am very happy for my cousin for finally finding her jodoh, I do not wish to be married at 48 myself. But I suppose it did work out well for her eventually. Still, I think staying single is still much better and preferable than being trapped in a miserable marriage and be subjected to emotional, mental, physical and verbal abuses.

We all have our own tale to tell.