Happy Birthday Abah

It was Abah's 73rd birthday on Saturday, 3 June 2006. Alhamdulillah he was discharged from the hospital Friday evening and hence was able to enjoy a quiet birthday at home. Allow me to share with you what I know of this man wonderful to me.

~~~~~~~~

Abah was born and raised in the southern state of Johore. His mother died after giving birth to his younger sister when he was barely 3 years old. His grandmother looked after Abah and his elder brother since. It wasn't an easy life for young Abah. Life back then was hard in Malaya, which was still under the British rule. And then the Japanese came. And life got harder. For Abah, it was a life poor in material things but rich in love, values and principles, solid religious upbringing and constant encouragement.

I remember Abah telling me he walked to school for 3 miles - each way, mind you - every day Come Rain Or Shine in his pursuit of education and knowledge. Abah was raised to be a good Muslim and he understood at that young age how important education is, in fact a good education is an asset or harta. I'm thankful that he had an appetite for learning [he still has!] and vision to make a better life for himself [otherwise I wouldn't have been born and bred in KL]. It saddens and disturbs me that youngsters these days place such little value on their education and squander their youth.

I also remember Abah telling me how some of his classmates would have to repeat their year - at primary school - because they still couldn't read and write. Maybe the demands of life were too much and they had to skip school for some time and when they were finally able to return to school, they couldn't catch up. Abah managed to finish his primary and secondary schooling, albeit I suspect it may have taken longer, what with the Japanese occupation during the World War II and all. Yes, my old man lived through World War II. Though grainy, old movies of the War in Europe provided some glimpse of how life was then, I can't imagine how difficult it must have been. And I doubt if I could survive something like that. But then again, humans are quite tough creatures. When faced with such unpleasant situation, you only have a choice of either giving up and quit living or fight determinedly to stay Alive.

Having passed his High School examination [it was a big deal in those days to pass exams, let alone finish high school], Abah decided to join the academia world. He started off with teaching in schools and at one point in time, even posted to Kuantan for some time [sorry, I'm not too sure how long he was there] where he even taught at a Chinese school. With his strong values and principles and discipline, he worked hard to give his young family a decent life - although it was still not a luxurious life, a far better life than he had known before. Then he was offered a higher teaching post in KL, which he wisely took.

Abah then started lecturing at colleges. He tied the knot the second time - a few years after his first wife died - to Mummy and they moved in to a new place. [OK, I did say this posting will be on Abah but I will still tell you about Mummy too.] I guess it wasn't a Bed Of Roses at all for Mummy when she married Abah and 'inherited' five children who having gone through the pain of losing their mother at a young age, were in their various transition from being children to adolescents/teenagers. To add to that, besides the four stepchildren ['cause the grandparents didn't think Mummy could raise them well and insisted they wanted to care for one of their grandkids. Well, Be Our Guest!] there were the helper, Mummy's younger sister and a cousin or two also living under the same roof. Poor Mummy. It wasn't a honeymoon for her at all. A year into the marriage, my sister arrived and then me. There was only one breadwinner in the house and that was Abah. More mouths to feed, clothes to buy, education fees to be settled etc etc etc. And not a word of complaint from this man. In the meantime, Abah indulged himself in writing novels - he has a flair for words and a good command of the mother tongue; Abah was Malay educated and hence doesn't speak good English but then again, a good majority of the public figures in this country don't either! [Sadly though, I can't write to save my life and have only an average command of my mother tongue. I even had to ask Abah to help me with my composition back in school!]. A few of his novels got published and that provided some side income so much so he was even able to send his father to the Holy Land for Haj. I guess that's why Abah is blessed with good fortune or murah rezeki because he still cared and remembered his father although the latter, because of the life then and its demands and also perhaps after losing his wife in childbirth, never really raised Abah but gave my dad to his mother to care. My grandfather died in Makkah shortly after performing Haj [Makkah and Madinah are the best places any Muslim can hope and wish to die in].

Looking back, I had a happy childhood. It was a simple life with little material stuff and although Akak and I had to share what little toys we had, we were happy because not having more toys doesn't mean we're missing out on life! Growing up, I was quite a Daddy's little girl. Neither Abah nor Mummy had even beaten, hit or even pinched us ever, the worst case scenario is having to endure a long lecture [which I can assure you is equally painful]. In fact, I can't recall any of my brothers or elder sister being beaten, belted, caned, punched, pinched, hit etc either. And since I have never been a recipient of any form of physical violence, I frown on this type of discipline [although I can't promise if I can abstain myself from pinching my own kid later. Kids these days can be really testing] enforced by parents on children and domestic violence inflicted (usually) on the wife by the husband.

Having elder half-siblings meant being at the dinner table when they tackled their schoolwork and in a way, that helped us to start reading and writing at a young age. I discovered the wonderful pleasure world of reading and became a bookworm. I was already reading and writing [I mean, scribbling] by the time I was four and by the time I was five, I'd graduated to reading my brothers' secondary books on literature, history and geography. It wasn't hard for my parents to decide that I need not attend kindergarten - to the detriment of my handwriting [which still is atrocious to this day and made even worse by the advent of IT]. Well, at least my social skills have not been compromised by this decision [at least I like to think so!]. Plus, I got to stay an extra year at home!

One by one, my half-siblings left home - two to further their studies and two back to Johore [see, except for Akak and me, they were all born in Johore]. The helper also left as she was getting old and Mummy's sister also left home. Amidst all these domestic 'upheavals', Abah and Mummy somehow managed to go on a round-the-world trip [no, sadly, Akak and me were left behind but we were too small to know and protest!] in 1976 and saved enough money to be able to perform Haj in 1978. Shortly after returning from Haj, Abah was offered to go to Perth for almost a year [we visited him towards the end of his stay and stayed there a month ;)].

After finishing primary school at the elite all girls' primary school right in the heart of the Golden Triangle of KL, Akak also left home for the elite, exclusive, prestigious all-girls' boarding school. I followed suit a year later. [Maybe it was a good idea after all to be away at boarding school otherwise who knows what I might have turned into!] And Suddenly, it was just Abah and Mummy at home with the cats. Finally, Mummy could Relax a bit.

Abah retired when I was still in school. Thankfully, Akak and me were Lucky to be awarded scholarships from the Japanese Government and a local organisation respectively. No, we weren't that brilliant students, we studied hard and were Lucky to be able to make the grades and get the scholarships. Otherwise, it'd be difficult for us to further our education. Yes, Abah and Mummy had drilled into us that education is important, that they don't have enough and will never be rich enough to leave us with worldly material things which won't last anyway, but that a good education can take us far in life and help us to (hopefully) lead better lives than they ever have. Having lived through the War, my parents had also drilled into us from early on the importance of conserving resources. Willful waste makes woeful want. So yes, I'm moulded and influenced by my background and environment and upbringing.

I like to think that I've grown up a good person, thanks to Abah and Mummy, although yes, sometimes I wonder if I'm a disappointment to my parents - for all those rebellious teenage years; for not tying the knot yet; for being a stubborn, headstrong daughter; for being moody me... but allow me the luxury of thinking that I have tried my best in the best way I know how. If there is one thing I wish, it is that my parents had me when they were younger. Oh, and not having some (and certain) half-siblings at all.

~~~~~~~~

OK this actually started out to offer you a glimpse of this person I call Abah. Of how a young Abah from humble beginnings overcame life's early trials and setbacks to get to where he is now. Despite these challenges, I know Abah wouldn't change his life for anything and has No Regrets. I'm proud of this man and what he has achieved with so little to begin with. Among the lessons he and Mummy teach me are to be proud of who we are and what we have achieved, no matter how big or small; to stand for what we believe in and that they will support whatever decision we make; and that all qualifications in the world, titles, status and material wealth are meaningless unless we retain our values, integrity, principles, and hold on to our Faith in God. I won't claim that I necessarily know this man although we've lived under the same roof all along for there are times when he's not just Abah, a father, a husband, an uncle, a grandfather, but also a writer, a teacher, a lecturer, an active participant in the neighbour and surau activities, an avid footie spectator, a person who the locals usually sought for when there's an event like weddings, kenduri, emergency... And along the way, this post may help explain who, why, what and how I am today.

~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday Abah. May the year ahead be filled with much love, joy, peace, iman, good health, good fortune and may you be blessed with more birthdays, insyaAllah. And though I never say it, you are my true Hero. And I love you lots.