Two years ago, a close friend emailed me to tell that her husband was divorcing her. She only told me a couple of months after it took place, because well, how does one go about telling sth like that anyway? They were married for almost 4 years. She was trying for a baby, which is only natural for married couples. He was trying to get his old life back. When he was offered a higher 5-figure salary [for most of us, that's a lot of money surely], she suggested he took it up. He did. And the problems that had been lurking seemed to have gotten worse.
He went out almost all day all week [and that included weekends]. She was beginning to think that maybe he only found it thrilling to chase her while they were courting but not to be tied down to her. Or perhaps the rituals of marriage had gotten to him. Then, one fine day, he dropped the bomb. And would you believe it, he wanted to go to work the very next day. My friend's relatives took emergency leave and congregated at their house to deal with the situation and he wanted to go to work! But stubborn man he is, he did go to office.
A few days later, my friend tested positive for pregnancy. He refused to be swayed. I suppose, in a way, that's a good thing cos you don't want your spouse to be an unwilling parent. And it wouldn't be right to try to make someone stay in a marriage when he or she no longer wants to. They proceeded with the divorce.
My friend, the strong girl she is, took everything in stride. The pregnancy, the divorce proceedings, trying to sell off the house etc. When I went to visit her with a friend one weekend, she didn't even cry at her misfortune. Occasionally her voice shook of course but she remained strong. She even went ahead with her exam! She explained she took the professional paper to get her mind off the domestic problems [even before he insisted on divorce]. By the way, she passed her paper.
Baby was born early 2004. He actually came to the hospital and got an earful from ex-mother-in-law. Ha, served him right! I wouldn't have been as sympathetic and would probably throw in some punches and kick his balls!
My friend is now happy with her life. She still hasn't trusted men. We did ponder why he wanted the divorce so badly. The most obvious thing that came to mind was there was another girl. But no, there wasn't. Or maybe there are some other girls [in plural]. After all, the new job, the new salary, the new Beemer he's driving are incentive enough to make him want to change his life as well. He gets to visit the child, but for a maximum of two hours or so, and under the close supervision of either my friend or her mother.
Two years later, another good friend told me the same thing. That she just got divorced early in the year. She's a Zambian, working in the Netherlands. He is a Caucasian. They were staying together for some time before deciding to make it legal. She learnt the Dutch driving system, the language and overcame racial challenges in securing a job. She eventually landed a good job shortly after they tied the knot.
Some time last year, in one of our increasingly rare emails to each other, she mentioned that the first year of marriage had been a turbulent one. She was totally disillusioned but they were still trying things out. I suppose they both have different pursuits in life. But why weren't these problems previously? I could only prayed the best for her.
The marriage broke down completely with no room for salvage. She could now see that they are not compatible and puzzles over how they even got together in the first place. It's a good thing her job is challenging and rewarding, and that she has her son [from a previous relationship] to occupy her. At least she sounds happier and consumed with her new life now.
God works in mysterious ways. He knows what's best for us. We'll just have to have faith in Him.
Mats the way to do it
13 hours ago
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