Where Did The Love Go?

Two years ago, a close friend emailed me to tell that her husband was divorcing her. She only told me a couple of months after it took place, because well, how does one go about telling sth like that anyway? They were married for almost 4 years. She was trying for a baby, which is only natural for married couples. He was trying to get his old life back. When he was offered a higher 5-figure salary [for most of us, that's a lot of money surely], she suggested he took it up. He did. And the problems that had been lurking seemed to have gotten worse.

He went out almost all day all week [and that included weekends]. She was beginning to think that maybe he only found it thrilling to chase her while they were courting but not to be tied down to her. Or perhaps the rituals of marriage had gotten to him. Then, one fine day, he dropped the bomb. And would you believe it, he wanted to go to work the very next day. My friend's relatives took emergency leave and congregated at their house to deal with the situation and he wanted to go to work! But stubborn man he is, he did go to office.

A few days later, my friend tested positive for pregnancy. He refused to be swayed. I suppose, in a way, that's a good thing cos you don't want your spouse to be an unwilling parent. And it wouldn't be right to try to make someone stay in a marriage when he or she no longer wants to. They proceeded with the divorce.

My friend, the strong girl she is, took everything in stride. The pregnancy, the divorce proceedings, trying to sell off the house etc. When I went to visit her with a friend one weekend, she didn't even cry at her misfortune. Occasionally her voice shook of course but she remained strong. She even went ahead with her exam! She explained she took the professional paper to get her mind off the domestic problems [even before he insisted on divorce]. By the way, she passed her paper.

Baby was born early 2004. He actually came to the hospital and got an earful from ex-mother-in-law. Ha, served him right! I wouldn't have been as sympathetic and would probably throw in some punches and kick his balls!

My friend is now happy with her life. She still hasn't trusted men. We did ponder why he wanted the divorce so badly. The most obvious thing that came to mind was there was another girl. But no, there wasn't. Or maybe there are some other girls [in plural]. After all, the new job, the new salary, the new Beemer he's driving are incentive enough to make him want to change his life as well. He gets to visit the child, but for a maximum of two hours or so, and under the close supervision of either my friend or her mother.

Two years later, another good friend told me the same thing. That she just got divorced early in the year. She's a Zambian, working in the Netherlands. He is a Caucasian. They were staying together for some time before deciding to make it legal. She learnt the Dutch driving system, the language and overcame racial challenges in securing a job. She eventually landed a good job shortly after they tied the knot.

Some time last year, in one of our increasingly rare emails to each other, she mentioned that the first year of marriage had been a turbulent one. She was totally disillusioned but they were still trying things out. I suppose they both have different pursuits in life. But why weren't these problems previously? I could only prayed the best for her.

The marriage broke down completely with no room for salvage. She could now see that they are not compatible and puzzles over how they even got together in the first place. It's a good thing her job is challenging and rewarding, and that she has her son [from a previous relationship] to occupy her. At least she sounds happier and consumed with her new life now.

God works in mysterious ways. He knows what's best for us. We'll just have to have faith in Him.

Good Morning Vietnam!

I was feeling rather restless as I always do whenever I'm contemplating a trip. When the MATTA fair was held in September 2005, I went there in enthusiasm, hopeful of bargain trips to some exotic destinations. Alas, most of the tour packages on sale then were for November/December departures. I don't fancy travelling then as it's school holidays period and there will be too many travellers - the local people want to make their escape while the foreign tourists also want to get away from the northern hemisphere winter and the southern hemisphere summer.

On a spur of the moment days after the MATTA Fair had ended, I called the MAS Golden Holidays to enquire on a possible trip to Ho Chi Minh City [aka Saigon] in Vietnam. Now you may ask why I chose this city. Good question, really. Maybe because I once saw a programme on NTV 7 where the host travelled to Vietnam. Also I read previously, in the May 2004 edition of the National Geographic magazine, an article on Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam [it's about 1600 km away from HCMC or so I was told], how it's rebuilding itself after the Vietnam war etc. I chose HCMC over Hanoi after recalling vaguely the beautiful buildings and surroundings captured when Explorace was held there. Anyway, luckily for me, MAS Golden Holidays do have free & easy packages to HCMC. I chose a 4D/3N package with additional two tours thrown in - a half-day city tour and a full day tour to the Mekong Delta/Vinh Long with lunch. Abah, probably recalling their Myanmar tour in 2002, decided not to come along.Day 1/1 October 2005
Departed on Saturday morning, 1 October 2005. Flight was at 0905 hours. An hour and 45 minutes later, we landed at Tan Son Nhat Airport. By the way, HCMC is an hour behind. I remember thinking that it looked like the rain just stopped 10 minutes earlier. Clearing custom was a breeze and collecting our baggage from what appeared to be the only carousel there, we stepped out and I was relieved to see someone holding a placard with my mummy's name on it. We were led to a white Toyota Vios and some 20 minutes later arrived at our hotel, the Chancery Saigon in district 3 of the city. It's part of the Best Western chain. Our room overlooked Tao Dan Park, much to my joy.







After checking in and settling our luggage in the room, we decided to check out the surroundings. Armed with a map which i requested from the receptionist, we set out. Traffic consisted mainly of motorcycles and there must be thousands of them with the majority of motor cyclists not sporting any helmets! The motor cyclists and pillion riders have fashioned a half-face mask [think of those surgical masks donned during the haze but more fashionable with colourful prints of cotton cloth] to wear during their rides. My Singaporean friend who just visited Hanoi in mid-September informed that it isn't anywhere as suicidal to cross the street as foreigners would initially think and he was right. In fact, the motor cyclists were quite courteous: while they did use the horn and occasionally run the red light, they would slow down and/or try to avoid you when they see you trying to cross. Thankfully I've had some practise jaywalking on our local roads ;). The word 'orderly chaos' came to mind often.The map proved to be inadequate and we couldn't find the Central Post Office after twenty minutes of walking. I attempted to ask some school students at a bus stop. Now the Vietnamese are really friendly people and some guy even came to try help us out even though he couldn't speak English. Finally we asked how to get to the Ben Thanh Market. Miraculously, a bus came along and yes, it would pass the Ben Thanh Market. The bus fare cost VND2000 each [about 50 sen or USD0.126]. Ben Thanh Market is the city's main market with aisles tightly arranged according to products. The products would largely appeal to the female visitors - beaded shoes, jewellery, tablecloth, lacquerware, textiles... and even marine products [dried shrimps, sea cucumbers etc etc]! We returned to the hotel by cab. Later, I ventured out alone in search of a supermarket to buy some groceries.Day 2/2 October 2005

The next day, after breakfast, we met our local tour guide who introduced himself as Le Kha [Le is the surname and Kha, his name] & driver [sorry, didn't quite catch the name] came to meet us. They first brought us to the Reunification Palace. It's not a beautiful building and was (re)built in 1962 on the bombing remains - which by the way was an assassination attempt on the President - of the old Presidential Palace, which was first built in 1868. It has been renamed the Reunification Palace after Communist tanks from North Vietnam smashed
through the gates of the Palace on 30 April 1975, overtaking Saigon and ending the war at long last. There are 6 levels, including 2 levels of basement. We were shown the various conference rooms, the Presidential Receiving Room, basement tunnels and war room, telecommunications centre and even the kitchen[!] as well as a back terrace complete with heliport.Next stop is the War Remnants Museum. It highlights the suffering endured by the Vietnamese at the hands of the American forces. It was a sobering experience what with photographs of the injured, hunted and killed [not necessarily in that order], spreading of chemicals [Agent Orange and even torturing of prisoners. It just drives home the fact that war is unnecessary, senseless, ugly and downright brutal.After the sobering first two sites, we then proceeded to the Notre Dame Cathedral which is situated in the Paris Square in the heart of HCMC. The cathedral was renamed Notre Dame with approval from the Vatican in 1959. 70% of the Vietnamese are Mahayana Buddhists, 20% Catholic and 10% other religions. Adjacent to the cathedral is the Central Post Office. It resembles a grand railway station and is open daily. You can't miss the huge portrait of President Ho Chi Minh at the end of the central hall.




We then walked past the Continental Hotel - built in 1880, it's the oldest hotel in HCMC, very beautiful and charming from outside - to the Municipal Theatre, a beautifully restored opera house which is yet another building left by the French.


The city hall, another fantastic example of colonial architecture, is just nearby and the bronze statue of President Ho Chi Minh with a girl sits in the square with their back to the city hall. By this time, dark clouds had gathered overhead. We hurried over to Tayson Lacquerware factory which specialises in producing high quality lacquerware, wooden carved
products and other handicrafts. Admiring
the beautiful lacquerware pieces on display [while some are big and bulky, they are actually quite light], we were vaguely aware that it had started to pour very heavily outside! Kha borrowed a big umbrella and the three of us went back into the car. As Kha had explained earlier, rain in HCMC doesn't last long and normally stop after 20-30 minutes. We then went to the Blue Ginger Restaurant for lunch. Only then did I realise how famished I was! Lunch was delicious.After lunch we proceeded to Cholon, HCMC's very own Chinatown. Kha informed that three districts make up Chinatown. There are about 1 million Cantonese-speaking Chinese in Vietnam, mainly concentrated in HCMC and South Vietnam. The heart of the Chinatown is the Binh Tay Market. Apart from the nice courtyard of trees at the centre of the market, I wasn't too impressed with the narrow aisles and the noisy crowd. we left after probably 20 minutes. Kha agreed to let us down at the Ben Thanh Market on our way back for more serious shopping and haggling.Went out for a stroll at almost 5 in the evening. Visited the Diamond Plaza, a modern departmental store. We then traipsed along Dong Khoi up to Sheraton Saigon Hotel at Dong Du street. A few metres away from the posh Sheraton is Masjid al-Rahim. Muslim travellers can eat at Bombay Restaurant in front of Sheraton or at a stall behind the masjid itself [in the masjid compound]. Also i was told there's a satay house at 35 Mac Dinh Chi St and Bon Mua aka Four Season Restaurant at no. 2, Thi Sach St.Additional info: there are 24 districts in HCMC. HCMC population [2004] = 8 m, population of motorcycles [2004] = 3 m [!!]. Saigon was the capital of South Vietnam from 1954 - 1975. There are 54 ethnic groups in Vietnam which the majority living in the mountains which form kind of a backbone to the country.Day 3/3 October 2005After breakfast, we journeyed to the Mekong Delta at Vinh Long province, about 130 km southwest of HCMC. It took about 2.5 hours to get there and we passed small towns and paddy fields all the way [quite unlike travelling from KL to, say, Batu Pahat where the scenery is alternatively punctuated by towns, factories, plantations and jungle]. I was surprised to see tombs in some paddy fields! According to Kha, yes, they actually used to bury the dead in the paddy fields. some shops along the roads sell rice wine - there are two types of rice wine, the white one [made from rice] and the red [made from sticky rice]. The alcohol content is 45%! Most food stalls along the road also serve as 'hammock hotel'. Kha explained that as most Vietnamese travel by motorcycles, these stalls provide hammocks to the travellers to rest their weary limbs - FOC as long as you buy some drink/food. Interesting concept! I remarked on the red flags of yellow hammer and sickle which are hung almost everywhere [similar to the previous Soviet flags] but Kha informed that those flags are emblems of communism as Vietnam is a communist country. Kha then explained that the 4 most important persons in Vietnam are the President, Prime Minister, Chairman of the National Assembly and the Secretary-General of the Communist Party. Election is held every four years for members of the National Assembly, who in turn elect the President. President can only be in office for 2 terms, except for President Ho Chi Minh who was in power from 1954 [after the Geneva conference which divided Vietnam at the 17th parallel] to 1969. Unfortunately, he died before he could see Vietnam reunified. For more history lesson, visit http://www.moreorless.au.com/heroes/ho.html.


The centre of the Mekong Delta, Vinh Long is situated between the Tien and the Hau rivers [two main branches of the Mekong River]. The rich soil here is favourable for rice and various fruit [rambutan, pomelo, banana, longan...] and cultivation of other crops [sweet potato, yam]. The majority of inhabitants live on farming, the remaining on trading. According to Kha, there are many farms in the Mekong Delta: fish farms, shrimp farms, crocodile and snake farms [for leather] and of course fruit orchards.Vinh Long is close to the Tien river in the North, Can Tho - Dong Thap provinces in the West, Ben Tre province in the East, and Tra Vinh province in the South. More than 97% of the population is Khmer and Hoa. The river is massive and brown in colour but very, very clean - hardly a litter in sight! There are many beautiful small islands in the river. We took a boat along the river, stopping at a poprice 'factory', a traditional house - where we were treated to local fruits, traditional music and songs, and finally an orchard/nursery for lunch. The whole boat trip took some 3 hours - yes, it is a very big river and even then, we only travelled in the Mekong Delta! Apparently Mekong River is the 4th longest in the world - 4200 km long. We then returned to HCMC.






Some basic facts: the Mekong Delta comprises 12 provinces with over 17 million people [!]. You can travel downstream to the South China Sea or upstream to Cambodia. Mekong River means Mother River in Cambodian. Its origin is in China, near Tibet. It travels through China, Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam before emptying out into the South China Sea. As there are clearly many stakeholders involved/affected, there are many demands placed on the river.
Additional info: Vietnam is the world's second largest exporter of coffee and second largest exporter of rice after Thailand [80% of rice come from the Mekong Delta itself].
Day 4/4 October 2005

We left after breakfast for the airport. Morning traffic was already building and the driver didn't wish to get stuck in the jam and delay us further. There were more senders than actual passengers outside the airport ;) and we quickly proceeded to check in our luggage [mummy has this thing about sitting in front seats]. My travel agent once told me though that back seats are safer in the event of emergency - so does that mean that those in the Business and First Class will perish first? Hmmm... Anyway, visitors must pay a departure tax of USD12 or its equivalent in VND [there's a desk at the ground and 1st floors to pay this tax]. A few duty-free shops, a cafe, a waiting area are available after the Immigration counter.

The flight took off after 1100 and we reached KL 1340 hours.