Return To Elopura

I had some Enrich points which were expiring and after much thought, decided to redeem them for flights to Sandakan and Penang after much thinking (my reservation about Sandakan was the ETA at KLIA of 16:45 which would mean arriving home in early evening). In the end, I decided to proceed with the redemption. The trip was a fortnight after dad’s passing and again, it gave me pause but I reasoned that dad would want me to continue living. My first trip to Sandakan was back in October 2011.

 

I left home early on Friday, 10 November 2023, and made my way to KLIA. There was a (new?) self-service bag drop at KLIA (you’d need to self-print your own boarding pass at the nearby kiosk before queuing to drop off your bag though) and it was not really working. After queuing for fifteen minutes, we were told to go to counter G – which was the international bag drop counter and about two hundred metres away. Despite this hiccup, I still managed to make it through the security check and had enough time to perform dhuha prayers, alhamdulillah.

 

The flight took off late and we were still on the runway at 11:00 (ETD was 10:20!). We landed in wet Sandakan at 13:30 and were lucky to have missed the rain which had only just stopped. I ordered a Maxim car and it arrived promptly. There was a bit of traffic in front of my hotel which was just across from the Central Market (the driver helpfully told me to expect worse traffic on Sunday as the locals prefer to do their marketing then). I checked in and paid for my room by card and deposit of RM50 in cash. I was given the room card, the AC remote controller and TV remote controller and was told I needed to bring them back when I checked out. My room was on the second floor and faced the side of Harbour Mall but if one leaned out, one could see the sea. After prayers, I ventured out. I stopped for some soto and lemon Sui (which turned out to be three thin slices of lemon in hot water with some sugar at the bottom of the glass, daylight robbery indeed). The soto turned out to be smoky which I didn’t find at all appealing so I left it unfinished. Ugh, never again.

 

Captured this rainbow as we were making our descent

Near the Central Market

At Creative Lane

Sandakan was famously regarded as Little Hong Kong due to its history of being vastly populated by Hong Kong immigrants

👎

I walked to the Masjid Jamik which is over a century old and then walked up Lebuh Empat to the William Pryer (supposedly the founder of Sandakan. Surely a local was the founder?) and Sandakan Liberation Monuments. Then I crossed the road and walked up the 100-step stairs. It was quiet and you may not feel safe going up alone but alhamdulillah nothing untoward happened to me either this time or the last time I was there. This path emerges onto Jalan Istana at the top. If you turn right and walk on, you’d come upon the Japanese and Chinese cemeteries and having done this on my first trip, I decidedly turned left. Nearby is the English Tea House and Restaurant with a view over the city and sea. Next door is the Agnes Keith House, an English lady and wife of an expatriate who lived there from 1934 until WW II. I’d been inside on my first trip so I only snapped a couple of photos before moving on.

English Tea House and Restaurant

Agnes Keith House

 

I walked to the Gothic-style St. Michael’s and All Angels Church which is one of the few buildings in the whole state to be made of stone (really a bit hard to believe). There was a shy local cat when I was there. From the church, I continued on down the hill, skirting the city field. I then went in search of the night market. The night market operates on Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings. While there were quite a few food stalls, nothing caught my fancy and I returned to my room.

 

The Standard Chartered Bank used to be here

Amazing sunset, right

Tonight, I did further research and decided not to join the Kinabatangan River Cruise due to the poor feedback on the tour operator and Borneo Natural Sukau Bilit Resort which we would be stopping at for meals. Besides, it’s rainy season which means leeches and I could do without them, thank you very much. And the road wasn’t good, it’d take at least two hours to get to the resort

 

On Saturday, I woke up early for prayers and didn’t sleep back. It started drizzling at 07:00 and it would continue drizzling on and off for much of the morning. I left the hotel at almost 09:00 and crossed over to the Central Market. Here you can find vegetables and fruits, local kuih and bread, dry seafood products and raw materials for cooking. Behind the market is the Fresh Market for fresh seafood. On the first floor of the Central Market are some food stalls and stalls selling clothes, shoes, toiletries, souvenirs and pearls. I ended up buying a baroque pearl necklace (oops).

My, what big pumpkins you have!

At the Fresh Market

 

I then had a mid-morning meal at Nature Vegetarian. After the meal, I walked along Jalan Buli Sim Sim to Sim Sim Water Village in the drizzle. There are 24 bridges plus a few more (renamed as Lane A, B and so on). I spent close to an hour there before turning back. I had Mee Ayam Pangsit at Warung Bakso Solo. Then I walked back to my room to rest and read.

 

Berhala Island

On Sunday, I returned to the market and bought some anchovies, dry shrimps, dry shrimp paste and ground coffee before returning to my room to deposit them. I then walked to Nature Vegetarian for a meal.

 

I checked out at almost 11:00 and walked to the bus terminal. The previous morning, I found out that I could take a bus to the airport. However, when I asked around at the terminal, I was told the fare would be RM10 and there was no bus that looked like it was ready to leave. So I walked to Sandakan Hotel and called for a Maxim car. There was a morning market and I didn’t want to be caught in the traffic hence my choice of Sandakan Hotel. The driver arrived within minutes and we reached the airport just as the call for Zuhur prayers rang out. I went up to perform prayers first before dropping off my bag and getting my boarding pass.

 

The plane from KL landed ahead of time and we boarded the plane quickly. We were ready to take off at 13:50 and we landed at KLIA at 16:30. Alas my bag only came out at 16:55 which meant I had to take the next KLIA Transit at 17:22.

 

Sandakan was a great city for me to visit while I was still mourning over dad’s passing.

How Do I Live

I woke dad up the same evening I came back from Langkawi (15 October 2023) to perform Isya’ prayers. I was careless and let him walk on his own instead of walking behind him. As I was about to don my prayer attire, I turned to look at him and saw him falling. I rushed over but could not stop him from falling. He felt pain and wanted me to bring him back to bed. We struggled for some time and I didn’t want to leave him alone as he could not even support himself even when he told me to get the neighbour’s help. At one point, he almost fell again and I managed to stop him from falling and hitting his head on the floor. Finally, with God’s help, I managed to lift him up onto the bed. We collapsed for a while then I attempted to straighten his body. I took some ice pack and put under his body.

 

The next morning, I didn’t wake him up for prayers but went to see him before I left for work. The caregiver didn’t move him much either. I finally decided to get the doctor on call to come and examine dad on Tuesday. The doctor came at almost noon and advised us to bring dad to the hospital to get some X-ray done. My sister called for an ambulance and it arrived almost immediately. I got a ride to Hospital Ampang after work from a colleague and we stayed there until after midnight when we finally met the orthopaedic. Dad was in a bad way, she said, and the hospital wanted to admit him for about 10-14 days. There was a long queue to be warded though and he might only be warded after 03:00 but that we could go back. So my sister sent me home before leaving.

 

The next morning (Wednesday), I went to the hospital and worked there. I left after meeting the doctor (another orthopaedic this time). She took off dad’s bandages. Thus began his hospitalisation episode. I didn’t visit him that evening but went on Thursday in the heavy rain. And I spent the whole Saturday at the hospital but he was mainly sleeping. He was sleeping a lot the past few months.

 

I went to the hospital again after work on Monday (23 October, exactly 13 years since Mummy left) as dad was about to be discharged. I was myself so ill at that point and I left before the ambulance came to get him and bring him to a nursing home in Bangi. My sister had visited the nursing home and the four of us agreed to send him there as he’d be needing full-time care which I would not be able to provide as I lack the strength. The caregiver said he would wait for dad and follow behind the ambulance. That was the last time I saw dad alive…

 

As my sister already said she wanted to come to clear up things in the house on Saturday (28 October), I decided to visit dad on Sunday. However, on Friday afternoon (27 October), my sister called me in tears saying that dad was dying. I asked if she was serious, if she was certain, and she said yes but that she couldn’t continue. I decided to leave after Asar prayers and quickly arranged for a Maxim car. The car arrived later than expected and thankfully it was a dry afternoon for a change but I was too late. Dad had gone even before the car arrived. And I didn’t manage to meet dad and seek his forgiveness for all my wrongdoings.

 

After Mummy left us, I spent the most time with dad. Sometimes I felt resentful of my situation. The more time I spent with him, the more impatient I got at times, the more tired I became, the more short-fused. And I know I had hurt him at times with my rough behaviour. I’m not a gentle girl, I’m rough and clumsy. Because I spent the most time with him, I was the one who hurt him the most. My brothers probably hurt him from their negligence but I hurt him with my bad temper and obstinate nature. I would talk back to defend myself especially if I felt I was being unfairly accused of something. I should’ve just let it go but no, I insisted on and persisted in defending myself.

 

When he started having UTI in end-March 2022, his health deteriorated and every time he had UTI, he would behave strangely. He mentioned a few times that he was ready to meet his Maker but I told him I wasn’t ready to let him go and asked who would take care of me if he left? Then I felt bad because I shouldn’t be selfish and make him worry about leaving me behind. So even though there were times when I felt like screaming at my situation and that I knew all living beings would die and dad would leave me one day because of his advanced age and worsening health, I just wasn’t ready to let him go.

 

And now he’s gone. I’m now bereft of parental love and guidance and prayers. I’m now left alone to my devices. I have my sister and brothers but they have their own families. But I have Allah. I will take my time to grieve.

 

I would like to thank everyone who came, sent messages, thoughts and prayers, who recited Yassin and tahlil, who helped give dad his lasty bath, who performed solat jenazah, who helped make the burial smooth, who attended the service, who participated in the tahlil and who gave money. I would also like to thank my mates who came and some bringing food to ensure I didn’t starve myself. I didn’t have the strength to inform my FB friends and they only knew a week after dad left.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Thank you, Allah, for lending dad to us. The kindest man I knew, he was my first love and my hero. He never laid a finger on me or my sister, my parents never even pinched us. I wish I had been more obedient and less obstinate, obedient, gentle, soft-spoken. I hope I haven’t given dad too much heartache and disappointed him too much. I hope he forgave me for all wrongdoings and gave blessings to my food and drink. I hope I hadn’t made him give up on me or be too exasperated. After all the pain and suffering he’d suffered these last few months, I hope he’s at peace on the other side and continue to watch over me. He had lived his life with honour and dignity, he worked hard to provide for us all, he was a pillar in our community and he continued to contribute even after he had retired. He had gone around the world and performed Haj twice. In short, he had lived a rich fulfilling life.

 

I know you worried about leaving me all alone but insyaAllah I will make it through somehow. I just wonder how I could go on without your advice and guidance. When I was small, I sometimes wondered how I’d make it through life without my parents and somehow here I am, thirteen years since Mummy left.

 

Al Fatihah to Mummy and Abah. Both gone in October. 23 October 2010 and 27 October 2023.