Sex, Lies And Videotapes

... or rather sex lives [whether legally tied or not], lies [how does one differentiate between fact and fiction anyway?] and YouTubes of other bloggers. Well, OK, am not really going to dwell on them, just thought the title would catch readers’ attention [even though it may not increase readership, but I’m not interested in that anyway].

I have come across a few blogs in my short history as a blogger. Those I like, I re-visit again. Some are written in simple English, some in a mixture of English and Malay, and recently I came across a very good hilarious one in Malay. It doesn’t matter as long as I understand the language and the blogs are entertaining, humorous and intelligent. There are some that shocked me beyond words though, namely the lifestyles led by those Muslims proud to admit they are not living lives exemplary of Muslims and the curses and swear words too easily and readily hurled by others. [Maybe I’m not ‘modern’ in their sense of the word – though what little I know from religious studies is that debauchery is actually primitive and hardly modern - or maybe I’m just easily shocked.]

Oh, I’ll be the first to disclaim that I’m such a good person myself. I am capable of cursing like a sailor and swearing like a trooper myself but I try not to do it on my blog. And why should I. See, I want to be accountable for what I write and I think hard before I write. [I also want to cut down on swearing]. If every fifth sentence of my writing is punctuated with a curse or a swear word, that’d certainly make me sound like a sailor or worse. And besides, in real life, I don’t do that. [I cringed the whole time watching one of the earlier Quentin Tarantino movies, not knowing it was full of strong language not to mention violent]. ‘Cause if I start doing that in my blog, my few readers here will not only be shocked and appalled but would not have the stomach to go on. I know I wouldn’t want to read such a blog myself. Besides, when it comes to those blogs we frequent, how many of us inadvertently and inevitably form a mental picture of how the bloggers are like in person? Be honest: we tend to be judgemental about people. So why should I encourage you to form any misconceptions about me or get a wrong impression of me: as it is, I’m misunderstood already.

And no, I’m not that coy. But I’m not used to having people say derogatory things to my face either. There are words I find degrading, offensive, vulgar and crude to females they would probably make Captain Haddock himself blush [and the use of those words do not reflect well on the user either: it suggests the user as uncultured, uneducated and uncouth. So let’s hope the sexist stupid MPs don’t blog] and I’m surprised that there are females who admit to be such or accept such references. OK, maybe I am just easily shocked. Maybe I’m a prude, Miss Prim And Proper me after all, but that is how I am bred and raised. Once on a train in England, I asked the bloke next to me if I could have a look at the comic he had just finished reading. He hesitated before saying, ‘I don’t think you’d want to read it, love.’ It was then I had a look at the comic title: it was Viz. I didn’t applaud his taste in comics but at least he appreciated that I may find it offensive. But I digress.

Oh sure, blogging is a way for most people - well, for me at least –to be able to express themselves freely. But as another blogger (she’s a responsible one and writes beautifully) put it, ‘not everyone knows where to draw the line. Saying all that’s on your mind is not necessarily a good thing.’ She went on to add, ‘With freedom, comes responsibility – a responsibility not to misuse that freedom.’ In an earlier posting, she mentioned the following:

In my opinion, when you blog, you have a responsibility to yourself and also to your readers. You can write whatever you wish – that’s the whole point, anyway – but at the same time you need to be more sensitive to your readers’ feelings. In other words, go all-out and enjoy yourself, but try not to step on anyone’s toe while you’re at it. Criticisms and controversial opinions are best served in a civil manner where you’re least likely to hurt anyone’s feelings. It is possible to be expressive and inoffensive at the same time. Just like in real life, it’s how you say it that matters. When you blog, or write on any public medium, you are technically responsible for every single thing you put out there, so it’s best to blog responsibly.

Like I said, I’m not such a goody-goody person. But I am honest with my writings. I don’t fake myself. Just ‘cause I occasionally have my tongue slip in real life and swear doesn’t mean that I should similarly pepper my blog with bad language. I’d like to think that what you read of me is what you will get in real life – the real me. And that includes having my own views - like in this very posting.

There are blogs that I visit simply because the authors are good at expressing themselves clearly and eloquently. Their lives are as exciting or as mundane as mine but at least they help me improve on my English - and BM. It doesn’t mean I agree with the lifestyles they lead [I observed those who left comments sometimes get very harsh ‘thou shalt not criticise what I write/thou shalt not judge me’ kind of rebuke from the author and supporters].

There are authors who have airs, act and sound high and mighty and boastful, so much so I wonder if I have been guilty of that myself in mine. And then there are those that make me wonder if some authors have been truthful in their postings: somehow I get the impression and feeling that these people are living their fantasies on their blogs [one such person I suspect writes in good English though so I keep visiting until she had a blogger’s block last year]. Recently my good mate, Elle, complained to me of her now ex-housemate: how she pretended to be nice in front of Elle while in her blog, she called everyone else in the house ‘filthy inconsiderate people with no positives whatsoever’. Little did this obnoxious person know that the others know the existence of her blog! So there you go, people who seem nice on the surface may be talking behind your back in their blogs and people who seem nice on their blogs may hardly be that in person.

And there are also down-to-earth authors who blog about working with disadvantaged groups of people be they living in Cambodia or afflicted with AIDS. I sure respect these tireless people, fighting for a cause they believe in.

As for me, I just try to blog responsibly. Mild cursing is still acceptable, yeah? [Blame it on my good days in Blighty]. I have a duty to my few readers here and that is not to assault their vision with strong language. I shall not insult their intelligence and shall not subject them to strings of bad language [‘cause in real life, I don’t do that anyway]. My blog entries are a reflection of what I am, my deepest thoughts, fears and feelings, so I have the obligation to be kosher. In addition, I try not to talk about my workplace ‘cause I don’t want to be like that ex-flight attendant who got fired now, do I. I’m skint enough as it is.

Like my fellow blogger put it: ‘Consciously or not, we tend to exercise some sort of self-censorship – only allowing things that are not too damaging to come out of our mouths. So, why should it be any different with writing? ... It’s important to be aware of the implications of your words on others, because we do not live in sole existence - we share the air we breathe with others. Being opinionated while being sensitive towards others’ feelings at the same time is a tricky feat, yes, but it can be done.’