Yesterday evening, around 7.15 pm, after spending time in the kitchen preparing dinner, I looked out and saw MamaCat outside the gate, licking herself before trotting off, I think, in search for food. I thought, ‘Poor baby, she has to hunt for food.’ After a while, I went out and had a look in the drain and there was only one kitten, white in colour! *Phew!* See, MamaCat is a dark tortoiseshell tabby; I couldn’t really tell if I had earlier seen a black kitten [if so, it’s dead now] or I was just imagining things. Based on past experiences and observations, I always think cats normally have more than one kitten.
This morning, I didn’t see MamaCat and thought they’ve vacated the drain but upon closer inspection, I saw little kitty [can’t think of name yet] - alone. Left micasa feeling worried. Did MamaCat return home last night? Had she been mauled by dogs...? Has she abandoned kitty? Gosh, I am really worried.
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I was playing outside in the garden with Akak one late afternoon. I was then three or four. Now, there is this monsoon drain and a pedestrian lane that separate our house and the next neighbour’s. We were running around when we saw a stray cat walking at the pedestrian lane; I remembered feeding it before with some fish crackers [that was when I learnt cats love, love, love fish crackers and oh most edible stuff actually. I thought they only love fish! OK, I was three or four then!].
Suddenly, two [or was it three?] dogs came out of nowhere. They barked at the cat and the cat quickly ran off. But it was not quick enough. Before we knew it, the dogs were circling the poor cat, snarling and growling viciously. The cat tried to make another daring escape but the dogs decided they wouldn’t be so nice and proceeded to attack the cat. They bit and spat and howled and growled.
All this while, Akak and I stood rooted, unsure of what to do. We didn’t dare throw stones at the dogs for they may very well abandon the cat and turn on us instead. At the time, there wasn’t any proper fence protecting our garden and the dogs could just easily jump over the monsoon drain and attack us.
I couldn’t stand the sight anymore and ran inside. I can’t remember now if there were any adults in the house because I don’t remember either me or Akak telling anyone what was happening outside. Anyway, the racket was loud enough for the neighbours to hear and surely there was an adult somewhere who would know better what to do than two helpless little girls.
No one came though. The dogs finally decided they had enough fun mauling and hurting the poor car and left it.
I can still remember looking out and seeing the barely alive cat crawling into another smaller drain. The next day or so, Akak and I gathered our courage and went to look at the drain. The poor cat was no longer alive. It was dead, gone to heaven. And we didn’t do or manage to do anything to save it.
The incident still haunts me to this day. And there are nights when I couldn’t sleep thinking of it, yes after all these years. Thinking how I didn’t save the cat; how I failed to save it; how the poor cat fought ‘til its end. I’d blame myself for not doing anything. And I’d cry myself to sleep, asking God for forgiveness because I didn’t do anything to save the cat [gosh, I’m crying just typing this entry].
That incident obviously did quite some damage and left a scar to a three/four-year old witness, when after all this time, she still remembers the incident and still blames herself for her inability and failure to save another life.
God, please forgive me.
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Now can you see why I’m worried over MamaCat’s absence this morning?
“It happened again”
4 hours ago
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