Email - Part II

Salam

Dearest Friend

1st of all, thanks very much for the photos ...!

Hmmm, do you think Asians put in more hours than the Europeans? I do wonder. But really, I don't think it's all that bad here. Well, of course I could do with a bit more pay but at least ... and whether family life will deteriorate, well, I don't know. I shd think that it's worse in the West.

Good to hear that FI will be going for Umrah. Although it'll be pretty hot over there already right. Glad that she's going there, after all she's been to a few places already. Yes, I do wish for an opportunity to return there. But I need a muhrim or at least a company of like-minded people. Somehow can't really see anyone I know, who's also single, who'd want to go there yet.

You know, I was actually quite mad at the situation. No, please, it's NOT your fault. You're just being a real sweetie and just want the best for your friends. But I wasn't happy, for lack of a better word, when I read that he thinks I'd be a great Aisyah. Please, I know I'm not that. And I'm not saying we can't be like her but that I think it's a little bit too much to ask for/expect from someone when you haven't even started anything. And it's not as if I'm expecting him to be like Rasul or anything. I don't know where he got the idea that I'll be a great Aisyah. It's not that I won't change myself for the better but I think it's a bit premature to have that perception or expectation. And I'm sure he'll be disappointed when he finds out I'm hardly a good wife candidate like Aisyah or a good daughter like Fatimah etc.

And also I was mad when I read the part where he said he's actually a shy person. Is he trying to imply that I'm not a shy, demure person? Just because I agree to accept your help, does that mean I'm being too foward or advanced and not how a girl shd be, i.e. shy?

And since he's easing himself from someone now, well, I'll be honest to say that I won't be too thrilled to fill in the shoes for anyone on the rebound. That would be just humiliating, I think.

I don't know Friend, but I know I was mad enough yesterday - no, not that I am not appreciative of your efforts, I really truly am - but I feel like I'm never good enough for anyone and that it's never the right time for me to meet anyone who likes me for the way I am, for who and what I am. And if I will ever meet anyone. If I'm always going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Enough to make me cry myself to sleep, yet again.

Sorry, I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything. But I think I'm mad at the situation, mad at him, mad at not being given the opportunity. All I'm expecting right now, unlike him who expects me to be a great Aisyah, is a friendship and it's OK to start as platonic friends. And if it doesn't work out, it's OK to remain as platonic friends. But no, I am not even allowed that opportunity. And I don't think I care to know him anymore. Because I don't want him to think I'm desperate or patheticly hopeful for his friendship. Because I'm not. And why shd I wait til June or whenever when all I'm expecting at this moment is just pure friendship. Please, we're all adults here. Just because you thought of fixing us up as friends doesn't mean I'm planning to marry him already. And somehow I think [rightly or wrongly] that's what he's thinking, hence the need for an extended time to think it over.

Sorry again but I'm just mad at him, at the situation, at being deprived the opportunity to widen my circle of friends [and all because he probably thinks I'm dying to be Mrs Smith. Well, I'm NOT that desperate]. Sorry for voicing out my anger here but I hope you understand what I mean. Don't give up on me, on helping me.

Love, Adek