So I reached another milestone over the weekend. I was at first counting
down to it then didn’t want it to come too soon and then thought I might as
well get it over and done with. No trips for me this time around but I hope to
make up for it on another week.
Thank you, Allah, for everything. For letting me live another day,
another year in this world. For letting me reach another milestone. For the
rezeki You grant, the knowledge You bestow on me, the time You gave me, the
opportunity to perform more ibadah. I only hope I will be wise enough to use my
time well in the little time I have left in this world and that I will reduce
committing sins and transgressions. I don’t know why I keep disobeying You who
have given so much to me. I keep telling myself that I want to be a good
Muslimah and yet. And yet.
Thank you also, Allah, for my relatively good health. I do have to cut
down on seafood and control my cholesterol *yikes* and undergo physiotherapy
session to correct something but other than that, alhamdulillah, I’m generally
healthy. I want to have low blood pressure and be hypertension- and
diabetes-free etc., etc. Of course as a Muslim, I pray for a long life so that
I can perform more ibadah and charity but if I can have my own way, I want a
life well-lived, I want to live a healthy life and I don’t want to live a long
life if it means having to battle illnesses. I know it’s not in my place to
choose and that you have to accept what Allah has planned for you but if I have
the choice, I want to choose a meaningful life full of quality. When I look at
my dad, I wonder if a long life is really such a big deal and worth the hype. A
long life is not worth it if one is suffering from all kind of sickness and
lying on a bed with tubes sticking into the body (not that my dad has those!).
Nobody wants that surely. Oh, I don’t want to be ungrateful and unthankful and
it's not in my place to demand or expect something but I pray that I’ll be able
to strike a balance. Riddled as my dad is with his health problems, he doesn’t
stop living – and that’s how it should be. He still continues to carry out
light exercise. But I know he is ready to go because he sometimes remarks that
he's already had everything and is thankful for what he has. If it’s something
I’m afraid of, it’s to be sick and suffering and being bed-ridden with tubes
coming in and out of me and to die all alone. Sure, I know we all have to be
alone in our journey after we depart this world but if it’s not too much for me
to ask, I would like to have my loved ones around me to see me off. OK, enough
about all this morbid talk but hey, we’re supposed to remember death, aren’t
we, because we sure aren't going to live forever.
Thank you, Allah, for everything: my parents,
siblings, family and the challenges they present; my education; my career; my
travels; my worldly possessions; my passion and enthusiasm to still learn even
if it’s through reading novels. In short, thank You, Allah, for everything.
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