Of late, I’ve been thinking quite a bit of growing old and death. Probably it’s because of the books I’d been reading which had deaths in them – unexpected, sudden death, murders and suicides. I know death is a sure thing and I’m closer to death now than ever but am I ready for it? Are my deeds enough or have my sins caught up and cancelled out all my good deeds? Am I ready to meet my Maker? Am I prepared for the afterlife? I have no problem so far being single and travelling solo because I don’t feel lonely even though I’m alone but it’s definitely different being dead and all alone six feet underground. Some will say that it won’t matter because I’m already dead but as a Muslim, I believe in punishment of the grave which follows death and prior to Judgement Day. And yet, and yet, I continue to commit sin. Sigh.
I’ve also been thinking (or worrying) about growing old. About being old and feeble and barely able to take care of myself. About having to downsize. I’m sure I would no longer be able to live at micasa for I would have difficulties climbing up stairs with my bad knees then (how do the Italian mamas and papas who live in coastal towns climb up and down those steep stairs and hills? Maybe that, the Mediterranean diet, and the traditions of the Roseto effect – family, community and simplicity - are why they live longer). I would either have to move to a small apartment where I can move around easily (it’d take some adjusting to because I’m used to space) or check into an assisted living facility - or I can start living like an Italian and hope to live longer. And then I’d wonder why people need to have so much material things in the first place, why they desire to live in mansions and drive fast cars when at the end of it, they have to downsize and live with less when they are old. I’m already starting to give some of my Louis Vuitton bags to my niece and sister as it is.
Of course you still have to live when you’re alive. So maybe that’s why we have our needs, lusts and desires over the finer things in life. I believe in delayed gratification but I don’t think it means I have to delay investing in my desires and only enjoy things when I’m already retired. I want to spoil and indulge myself before I get sick or too old to enjoy the fruits of my labour - worse still is if I die suddenly and have others enjoy what I work for. Never mind that I’m only a lowly minion where I work.
On another note, while I love travelling and would love nothing more than to plan for and go on a trip, I don’t think I can be a full-time traveller. I’ve come across ads and posts on Instagram where this travelling couple or that so-called lifestyle influencer are willing to share their secrets and tips on how you can travel full-time and not work in an office. Yes, it sounds fun, great and ideal but it sounds a bit irresponsible to me. I believe I have a duty to myself, to Allah, to my religion, society and country to work and contribute to the building of this nation (even with its flaws and corrupt politicians). I cannot imagine not working. For one, who will support me? Maybe the travelling couple or lifestyle influencer would recommend getting income on some web-based money-churning ideas to fund my travels but how would I contribute to Allah, the society and country in turn? I may change my mind in a few years and give this a go but for now, I’ll continue working. Working is also a form of ibadah after all. And for another, I do enjoy working. I may be just a minion but I can still contribute my ideas, my energy, efforts and passion.
As for work, some people say they work only for the money. I don’t see it that way. To do so would make work seem like drudgery to me, like it’s only something I have to do because I have no other choice. To make work enjoyable, I see money as a bonus. I had no idea what I would be when I was growing up and I chose to do accounting not because I liked it but because I didn’t want to do law and didn’t fancy journalism or political science or computer science. I have no complaints about where I am now. I’m not complacent but I’m content. To me, if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Try to make the best of the situation. You can’t keep second-guessing and job-hopping in the hope of finding an ideal job, something that you would enjoy. At the same time, you shouldn’t remain somewhere where you are unhappy and unable to perform either. I guess what I want to say is that we should make the best of our situation and find an alternative only if it becomes intolerable and unbearable.
I don’t wish to be so rich that I’m burdened with my wealth. I just want good health, wealth, love, peace, iman and happiness. Like Einstein said: a quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest.
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