I have my fair share of life’s bad luck and misfortunes and committed some silly mistakes. Well, we all make mistakes because to err is only human. But how do we deal with these setbacks? It’s all too easy to assign the blame for whatever that goes wrong on another – the other party, your bad luck, even God – instead of assuming responsibility.
I try to own to my mistakes and take the blame for them. In fact, sometimes I think I am too hard on myself. I kick myself mentally, I scold myself repeatedly, I question my past actions and decisions, and I examined and analysed what I did wrong, where I went wrong and what I could have done to prevent them. I get angry with myself first before I succumb to despair.
But we all know (or should) that mistakes and failures and setbacks are there for one thing: to help you recognise them and address your weakness; to make you take full ownership for your action, bad decisions and misjudgements; and to try correct them. Most importantly, you should learn from them. That’s why I think and believe that it’s OK to make mistakes because mistakes and failures (even setbacks) provide vital lessons – not that you should go on making mistakes but that you should learn from them to avoid making the same mistakes twice. Also, they help us realise that we don’t and won’t always get what we want (and I learnt early on that I won’t get my way all the time), that things won’t go our way all the time (sometimes I feel like things get so bad that I wonder if they could get any worse). And I believe making mistakes doesn’t make one a failure.
True, life sucks, once in a while. But do we deal with it or be in denial? Do we face them head-on or do we run away? Do we learn from our mistakes and deal with them or do we refuse to acknowledge our part in it? Do we take control of our lives (or try to) and destiny and future or do we want to let other people control us? Do we rethink our strategies and approach to life having learnt from the mistake or do we adapt the same approach? So though I do allow myself time to wallow in despair while I kick myself mentally as I ponder over my setback, soon after I’d bounce back (OK, sometimes not that soon, or not as soon as I like but I bounce back anyway eventually. Take your time but don’t take too long.). I’d tell myself that either I learn from the bad experience and correct my mistake and move on or remain in depression. I’d tell myself that I’m a fighter, that I can do this and that I will not give up. I mean, it’s only life after all. We’ll all get through it and die one day. Whoever said that life will be a smooth-sailing rose garden anyway?
I was down and depressed the whole of yesterday and all because Arsenal lost to Fulham. That was mighty silly and foolish of Arsenal to lose so early in the season and to Fulham of all opponents too. It made me feel somewhat betrayed - that my loyalty for them was not reciprocated with a win (hey, I even sacrificed my beauty sleep to watch the match), that they didn’t try hard enough. They were playing indifferently – I think that’s the word to describe it – and only tried to salvage the match in the last 10 minutes. It also pointed to a disturbing fact: that Arsenal could be more dependent on Fàbregas more than they think they are and his absence in the past two matches have been acutely felt. Or maybe the Gunners lack more players to rotate. Sure they are a young squad but I don’t think age necessarily translate into experience or wisdom.
I try to look at it positively telling myself that if anything, it’s better that Arsenal lost early on in the season than later (like the past season). This way, they’d learn from their mistakes, they’d learn not to repeat those mistakes and finally wake up from their summer slumber. Even ManUre didn’t start their last season well. But still to lose so early on and to Fulham!!! (OK, I’m getting angry all over again). Unacceptable! It’d be better of course if they didn’t lose but hey, they didn’t play well, I’ll admit that. Wenger also acknowledged this and there’s only one route to take: bounce back.
So it’s a bitter lesson for Arsenal and a bitter result for their supporters to swallow (how I dreaded coming to work today and face the unkind, inconsiderate taunts of my colleagues. Thankfully most of them realise it’s better for them to not say anything to me) but hey, like I said, one mistake does not make one a failure. Just don’t keep doing it and don’t let the past repeat itself.
So the point is (if you haven’t already gotten it), whatever setback that befalls you (be it a failed paper, a lost opportunity at a dream job, a failed relationship), persevere. It’s OK to lament and wallow in despair but pick yourself up again, fight back and bounce back because the world loves nothing better than to see a fallen hero who fights back - and the world will cheer for him too. As long as you refuse to acknowledge your part and contribution in your mistake and blame another, you will always be a victim. Accept your shortcomings, it’s all part of humility. And I still have faith in both Arsenal and FedEx: you’ll bounce back (you’d better!). Come on Arsenal (and FedEx)!
And remember this always: Nihil Desperandum, Auspice Deo. I shall leave you with the following poetry:
NIL DESPERANDUM!
by Abdullah Quilliam
Courage brother! Do not falter,
Dry your tears and cease from sighing;
Though clouds look black, they soon may alter,
And the sun will send them flying.
‘Out of evil oft cometh good,’
Is a maxim to my liking;
The blacksmith well the iron beateth,
But ‘tis better for his striking.
Work today and give up grieving,
Know that joy is born of sorrow;
And though to-day is rainy weather,
Hap ‘twill brighter be to-morrow.
Gambling doth not make our labour
The least bit more a pleasant task;
‘Tis joyful heart that lightens trouble,
Contentment brings to those who ask.
First the childhood, then the manhood;
First the task and then the story;
‘Tis after nightfall comes the dawning,
First the shade and then the glory
Woodland Towers, Onchan
Isle of Man
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