My Relationship With The One

I know it isn’t but sometimes I feel like it’s a one-sided relationship. I always talk to Him, when I am feeling happy and overjoyed or when I am down and depressed. He just listens to me while I pour out my heart. He listens to my insecurities, angst, problems, worries, concerns, doubts, issues, frustrations, fears and anxieties and also to my happiness, joy, excitement, contentment.

He is always there for me. I talk to and think of Him all the time. I’ll be honest and admit that I even talk to Him in the most inappropriate places - while I’m in the shower, in the bathroom etc. Sometimes I ask Him why my prayers don’t come true or are not granted yet. He doesn’t answer me back in so many words but in gestures of love.

I’ll be honest also and admit that there are times when I question His love for me. I ask Him if He hates me, if He is deliberately punishing me, or if I’m paying penance for something. Unfortunately, despite all He’s done for me, I sometimes disobey Him.

He lets me make mistakes and yet still loves me unconditionally. And I think He allows me to make mistakes so that I can learn from them and be wiser. Because if I don’t make mistakes, I may never learn. Of course, there are times when I wonder why He lets me make those mistakes, why He can’t just let me have a painless lesson. Yet He is patient with me even when I am impatient with Him.

And just when I think my life sucks, He gives me so much in other ways. And I am humbled and I am thankful for I am still blessed in other ways. That while my life may suck in certain departments, it may actually be better than some other people’s lives. That I should just be thankful for little blessings. I have love from family and friends, a roof over my head, a job to slog over, money to afford transportation, food on my table, friendships from my circles of friends, good education [at least I think so] and the opportunities at getting it, good health, the ability to wake up and breathe in the morning air [as opposed to being bedridden and lying there hopeless and helpless] and so much, much more. And of course, I have Him.

I turn to Him for help, comfort and solace. I never tire of asking for His help. I confide in Him. In a way, when I write in my diary, I am also writing to Him, telling Him how my day went, what I did, etc. And He just listens to me.

And that is my relationship with God.