Girl Talk

Now, the conversations that my girlfriends and I share about are not just limited to girl stuff such as clothes, household products, latest sale, family issues, weight problems etc but also Deep issues such as the following:

#1: Earlier last month, Lex called me and in the midst of our conversation, she suddenly told me about her neighbour who just passed away during the weekend. Of how sudden everything happened. Then she started telling me of her own late father’s death. Of her late father’s arrangement for the family when he found out he had the dreaded cancer. Because there are no boys in the family [besides Lex’s mother, her siblings are all girls], her father was concerned and worried if anyone from his side of family disputed for the house after he had left [and they do have the right too]. So he talked to his mother [Lex’s grandmother] and his siblings about it. In a way, I think she was hinting at me as she knows that I have four half-brothers who, despite not taking care of my dad ever, would have priority in claiming whatever inheritance there is. Lex was lucky as her dad had some months to prepare and make whatever arrangement necessary to ensure that his family would get the house without dispute [it certainly would be more complicated had he died a sudden, unexpected death]. I thanked Lex for the hint.

So I went home that weekend and actually had a discussion with Mummy. As unpleasant and morbid as it is to talk about the death of your loved one [and yes, of yourself], it is necessary to devote some thought to this, especially life after the departure. About what will happen if Abah suddenly goes. And what happens if I suddenly go. I have assigned my parents and sister as my EPF beneficiaries but I haven’t done that for my ASB or bank accounts. And I have debts too [oh yes, I mean, oh no] with the Government for my A-Level tuition fees [before I got awarded scholarship from TheOrganisation]. I have been slowly paying my outstanding loan over the years. But if I die suddenly, someone would have to settle that outstanding loan. Debt is debt is debt unfortunately. Just like fasting. That’s why I always rush to finish my fast in Syawal itself. I don’t want anyone to have to start making up for my fast for me.

Anywayyyy despite that talk, I still haven’t filled in the will form. Must do that one fine day or else there may be problems for my beneficiaries to access my meagre assets.

#2: I talk to C and F about my worry about the future. Of how I don’t want to be living a destitute poor pensioner life later [err, and we don't even have pension anymore. Must rely on whatever pittance monthly deductions made to EPF] and that the last thing I want is to be a burden to anyone [especially since I don’t have any insurance]. Of being torn between saving now for the future and splurging now - for I may die suddenly and golly, the last thing I want is to die and not having enjoyed the fruits of my labour. But yes, I must save; with no insurance and no pension, life will be hard later. And especially if I’m prone to illness in my old age as most old people are. And I must even set aside for my burial costs and my burial plot and tombstone. I don’t want people to say that I’m still a burden even after my departure from this world.

Didn’t I tell you I think too much sometimes? It is unpleasant and gory even to think about death and I’d rather push it to the back of my mind. Ignore it altogether. Unfortunately, it doesn’t get resolved that way. So I have to confront it. Still, I haven’t purchased any insurance or takaful cover despite C’s insistence. Heh.

#3: I also always talk to C about my frustrations. Of how the grass seems greener on the other side. And of how some people seem to have it all: good career; loads of ca$h; club memberships; luxurious car; condo in the right address; multiple credit cards [all the C criteria]. She would remind me tirelessly that that is just worldly wealth. Material possessions that God can take away in a blink. And that it may be just a test from God, to see if one will be drawn closer to Him or be driven away from Him. The concept of istidraj applies here too [e.g. sometimes you see non-believers who appear to receive blessings even though you think they don’t deserve it. Well, as another explains it, firstly, that might be the only reward that they get for their good deeds cause in the after life they won’t get anything. And also it is ‘punishment’ as then they don’t think they ever need God because their life is fine and dandy!]

C and F are the two persons I always talk to about religion, religious and family matters.

#4: Just last week, another close mate was telling me of the school trip her son’s kindergarten was organising for last Saturday. Of how apprehensive she was about letting her son go. ‘He’s still too small,’ she reasoned. And I replied surely there are other children who are younger than her son. And that surely the son was looking forward to the trip with his friends. ‘Sooner or later you’ll have to let him out into the big, bad world.’ As I listened to myself saying those words of advice, I felt myself choking and and had to swallow before I continued, ‘Because that is how I see my parents treat me. They still treat me like the 12-year old girl that I was when I left home for boarding school.’ And while I sometimes bask in this attention and care, sometimes also I feel stifled and sometimes even a tad resentful. Because I have to live my life on my own one day and I have to learn for myself what life really is all about. They can’t protect me forever.

I hope my friend got what I was trying to say. It is possible to love you child too much but you have to learn to let go. And of course it’s all easy for me to say because I don’t yet have a child of my own yet! Maybe when and if I do, I’ll be the overprotective parent trying to shield my child from the cruelty of the world. Just like how my parents are to me.

I guess I’ll always be the baby of the family in my parents’ eyes.

#5: Earlier in the year, another mate confided in me of her concern for a lump that seemed to develop near her breast. I was touched that she chose to confide in me [I don’t think blogging about it means I’m breaking her confidence!]. But what could I say to relieve her troubled mind and allay her fears? I wasn’t prepared, not sure if I will ever be prepared if someone told me something like this. So I offered her the only thing I know and could think of: words of encouragement, prayers to recite, confidence in God and advices for her to be patient. And queried over and over again when she was going for a check-up until she finally went.

Thankfully, it was just a scare and nothing cancerous.

So yes, we girls do talk about intellectually stimulating, deep stuff, major issues [not politics yet!], major concerns, and things that really matter. Besides the usual girl talk of course.