So I thought I’d bore you with my list of eccentricities that, at last count, number a baker's dozen [I’m Sure there are more but a baker's dozen should suffice for now].
1. I apply the 20-minute rule to cooking which I introduced to myself during my MBA days - thanks to the hectic schedule of the programme and sharing the kitchen with a dozen other people (who mainly hailed from the most populous nation on Earth and not exactly known for their hygiene). This means I will (attempt to) clean, wash, slice, dice, cube, chop, fry, boil, sauté my meal in that allocated time. Of course, inevitably and unfortunately, there is a standard deviation of usually plus five minutes and more. Duh! Practice does not make perfect in my case.
2. I don’t taste while cooking my meal. I am not one of those who taste at every stir and go guessing what ingredients need to be added – I just can’t be bothered. See, I have neither the passion nor patience for cooking like that. Because I will eat it no matter what; whether it tastes nice or not, overcooked or undercooked, salty or lacking taste. [Although back in university, I threw the cheesecake I laboured over ‘cause it didn’t work out and I didn’t tell anyone ‘cause I was too embarrassed. And that was the last cheesecake I’d ever make again. Hmmph]. Again, practice doesn’t make perfect.
3. Still on the subject of cooking [strange as it’s hardly close to my heart!]: almost every time I cook a dish I’ve cooked before, it turns out differently. For instance, every time I make, say fried rice, it tastes differently. But I can’t be bothered to check what the difference is - because it’s for my mouth and tummy only! [By now you should know I don’t aspire to be a Delia Smith. I like watching The Naked Chef in action though, he’s so cute but I can never be able to cook like him or Kylie Kwong. It’s not fair, it looks so easy peasy lemon squeezy to them! Sheesh].
4. I talk to animals: passing cats, grazing horses, perching birds. I yell at others like cockroaches, lizards and other nasty creatures. I suspect I’ll do a Prince Charles later and talk to plants too. Does that make me a cuckoo?
5. I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I double-, triple-, heck, Sometimes, even quadruple-check the locks and bolts to ensure they have not somehow mysteriously moved on their own since my last check only seconds earlier. Gosh, am I weird? Help!
6. Sometimes when I walk [especially after a visit to the washroom], I wonder if my skirt is in place or whether it’s hitched up, resulting in me showing some flesh [or much, much worse, caught like Rachel of Friends in The One With Barry and Mindy’s Wedding].
But on the other hand, I don’t make it a habit to check myself when I leave for work. I only realise if I have light smudges or streaks on my face when I visit the washroom at work [thankfully it’s not often, phew!].
7. Sometimes, I'm too lazy to brush my hair. It's short anyway and not likely to be tangled. I figured that by not brushing my hair often, it'd get all curly and wavy. [FYI, my friend told me that was how she got her curls - by not brushing her hair. Now unless she was pulling my legs...]
8. Sometimes I am too lazy to shower especially when I’m at HQ. I normally have very late weekend morning showers - they can be as late as at 1 pm ‘cause I do house chores prior to that - and so don’t feel the need to shower again after a mere 6 hours when the afternoon, by contrast, consists of light activities such as reading the paper and taking a nap. [I think if I’m an animal, I must be a cat and can just lick myself clean. An aristocat at that! Meowww].
9. Having said that, I can be a clean freak. I won’t go to bed with the sink piled with dirty plates and cutlery. I clean and mop the house every week and wash the washrooms. But I am still too lazy to tackle the windows. I loathe ironing too. So I’m not quite a domestic goddess. And doubt I’ll ever be one. No, I don’t suppose I’ll ever be a Martha Stewart in this lifetime.
10. I apply the five-second rule when eating food I drop on the floor or on the table. I’ll blow and puff the food first to rid it of germs though [haha!]. Anyway, do you know that someone actually won an Ig Noble Prize for Public Health for doing a study on the five-second rule? I think that’s more hilarious than me eating dropped food! And it just shows that there are crazier people out there and I’m quite normal in comparison! Oh, and by the way, I eat expired food too... so much for eating healthily!
11. I get all involved and worked up in the characters of novels and movies/dramas that I read and watch. But I’ve already mentioned this before.
12. If I have trouble sleeping, I either reminisce about my happy childhood days and bask in the glow of love and peace and contentment that I felt when growing up or resort to my Fantasy. Now in my Fantasy, I’m this lady of leisure walking in an upscale mall happily Shopping with two bodyguards following silently behind me, struggling with my bags of luxury goods purchases and not at all complaining either over the heavy weight or the fact that they have to follow me around as I sashay into stores. I’d be passing Gucci and Ferragamo and Prada, even Hermes [my Fantasy doesn’t go deep into pondering who the mysterious benefactor who helps sustain my leisurely lifestyle is and how I even managed to snag him. And of course the benefactor is a he!]. This normally works and sends me into slumber in no time but of late, it hasn’t been all that successful so I must think of a new Fantasy. Now why does my escapist Fantasy feature retail therapy?! And why don’t I fantasise about some dreamboat instead and later upgrade that Fantasy to a happy, laughing little unit of us captured in a Family Portrait? I honestly don’t know. Do I need psychiatric help?
13. I can’t stand pain or unpleasantness. I can’t even stand to hear any talk on pain. I am moved by photos of people living in wretched conditions. I once cried myself to sleep a few years ago after watching a post-Bosnia war documentary which among others featured a toddler with only one good foot [and yet he was gurgling and laughing. And I thought what kind of future does the baby have?]. After that, I make it a point not to watch any more documentaries that show people [and animals] living in miserable conditions or suffering. To me, it just shows how much we are failing as a country and as humans to allow these segments of society to exist. Refund me all those taxes I’ve paid over the years, why don’t you. I’m sure I can make better use of that money! But wait, is this eccentric anyway?
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