My dad has told me not to take any more trips several times now. The first time he said that he reasoned that he didn’t want the neighbours to be talking about me going off gallivanting somewhere seemingly without caring that he’s at home. When he first told me of this, I retorted back and asked if he meant that I should no longer utilise my annual leave but just work and work (unless he meant for me to utilise my leave by just staying home). I added it’s not as if I left him all alone but I made efforts to find him a male nurse and pay mega bucks for their service (I’ve had three male nurses come to look after him so far).
He repeated his request/advice just before I went for my trip to Africa in December and again after I went to Bangladesh. He said that I can consider resuming my travels when he is no longer around. I didn’t say a word either time but fumed silently. Yes, I know I should heed his advice but in my defence, it’s not as if I left him all alone. And I think it’s unfair and unreasonable to expect me to put my life and my travels on hold because of him or anyone else. Never mind that it’s unfair to expect just me alone to take care of him. I’m not and should not be the only person responsible for him. My other siblings especially my brothers should play their role too. Sure, of course I can travel after he is no longer around but does this mean that I’m to just stay put until then? What if he’s blessed with a long life, what if he lives up to 90 or beyond? Am I expected not to live my life until then? Am I expected to put my life on hold? Is it fair to prohibit or prevent or forbid me like this? And what do I care about what the neighbours say anyway? It’s not them who accompany him to the hospital and clinic appointments anyway. They can say what they want. They will say what they want anyway no matter what I do or don’t. Anyway, I should think they have other better things to worry and think about than to care about where I go and what I do or don’t do.
Dad seems to forget that unlike him, I will be all alone when he goes. That all his fears will be my fears except that I don’t have anyone who’ll keep watch on me. He forgets that I have my own life to live. As it is, I rush home almost daily to run errands and tend to him. I don’t stay out, I don’t even have dinner with mates or anything. I take care of everything from outside to inside, from sweeping the porch and leaves to cleaning up after the incompetent Indo cleaning lady WTF, from getting dinner ready to ensuring dad doesn’t choke on some fish bone, even getting his medication ready and putting in his eye drops) and my annual leave is something I look forward to utilising. He overlooks that it’s unfair of anyone to ask another person to put his or her life on hold. If you love someone especially your own children, you should let them live their own lives and let them make their own mistakes. You can dispense advice and make requests but don’t blackmail them by saying if they don’t do something you want, the neighbours will talk and think badly of them. Doesn’t dad realise I need a break occasionally - from work, from household chores, from all the worries, from the constant demand on my time, energy and attention? Sometimes he asks if I don’t get tired from travelling and he would say that he gets tired from watching me travel. Well, surely that is the whole point of it all: to travel while I still have the energy, passion and time to do it all and not wait until I’m weak and helpless and dependent on cane or walking stick and on others to only start travelling then.
I try to do my best, I try hard to be a good daughter. But sometimes, with requests like this, I just get angry at the demand and the unfairness of it all. So I have to be a good child, a good daughter, but my brothers can neglect their filial duty? Is that fair? Of course it isn’t and yes, before you say it, I do know that life is never fair anyway. Why can’t he stop and think about the unfairness of the situation? Why doesnt he demand the same from my other siblings? Does having a family absolve them of their responsibility to dad? I won’t stop doing my part of course; if I’m around, I have no problem taking care of dad. But do understand that I want to have an occasional break too. Surely that’s not to much to ask for or expect or understand? It’s hardly unreasonable after all.
Life is too short to be holding grudges and to be putting your life on hold. Life is too short to spend it waiting for someone to do you any favours, to expect anything from others. And life can just be easily be snuffed out, be taken away, be cut short, so it’s stupid and senseless not to seize the day and live each moment to the full. And travelling is part of my life. It is unfair, unreasonable, inconsiderate and selfish to ask me to stop doing it altogether; it’s too much to say it’ll be like cutting off my oxygen supply but yea, it’ll be like cutting off a limb. More precisely, it’ll be like clipping off the wings of a bird or a butterfly.
‘The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.’ -Theodore Roosevelt
He repeated his request/advice just before I went for my trip to Africa in December and again after I went to Bangladesh. He said that I can consider resuming my travels when he is no longer around. I didn’t say a word either time but fumed silently. Yes, I know I should heed his advice but in my defence, it’s not as if I left him all alone. And I think it’s unfair and unreasonable to expect me to put my life and my travels on hold because of him or anyone else. Never mind that it’s unfair to expect just me alone to take care of him. I’m not and should not be the only person responsible for him. My other siblings especially my brothers should play their role too. Sure, of course I can travel after he is no longer around but does this mean that I’m to just stay put until then? What if he’s blessed with a long life, what if he lives up to 90 or beyond? Am I expected not to live my life until then? Am I expected to put my life on hold? Is it fair to prohibit or prevent or forbid me like this? And what do I care about what the neighbours say anyway? It’s not them who accompany him to the hospital and clinic appointments anyway. They can say what they want. They will say what they want anyway no matter what I do or don’t. Anyway, I should think they have other better things to worry and think about than to care about where I go and what I do or don’t do.
Dad seems to forget that unlike him, I will be all alone when he goes. That all his fears will be my fears except that I don’t have anyone who’ll keep watch on me. He forgets that I have my own life to live. As it is, I rush home almost daily to run errands and tend to him. I don’t stay out, I don’t even have dinner with mates or anything. I take care of everything from outside to inside, from sweeping the porch and leaves to cleaning up after the incompetent Indo cleaning lady WTF, from getting dinner ready to ensuring dad doesn’t choke on some fish bone, even getting his medication ready and putting in his eye drops) and my annual leave is something I look forward to utilising. He overlooks that it’s unfair of anyone to ask another person to put his or her life on hold. If you love someone especially your own children, you should let them live their own lives and let them make their own mistakes. You can dispense advice and make requests but don’t blackmail them by saying if they don’t do something you want, the neighbours will talk and think badly of them. Doesn’t dad realise I need a break occasionally - from work, from household chores, from all the worries, from the constant demand on my time, energy and attention? Sometimes he asks if I don’t get tired from travelling and he would say that he gets tired from watching me travel. Well, surely that is the whole point of it all: to travel while I still have the energy, passion and time to do it all and not wait until I’m weak and helpless and dependent on cane or walking stick and on others to only start travelling then.
I try to do my best, I try hard to be a good daughter. But sometimes, with requests like this, I just get angry at the demand and the unfairness of it all. So I have to be a good child, a good daughter, but my brothers can neglect their filial duty? Is that fair? Of course it isn’t and yes, before you say it, I do know that life is never fair anyway. Why can’t he stop and think about the unfairness of the situation? Why doesnt he demand the same from my other siblings? Does having a family absolve them of their responsibility to dad? I won’t stop doing my part of course; if I’m around, I have no problem taking care of dad. But do understand that I want to have an occasional break too. Surely that’s not to much to ask for or expect or understand? It’s hardly unreasonable after all.
Life is too short to be holding grudges and to be putting your life on hold. Life is too short to spend it waiting for someone to do you any favours, to expect anything from others. And life can just be easily be snuffed out, be taken away, be cut short, so it’s stupid and senseless not to seize the day and live each moment to the full. And travelling is part of my life. It is unfair, unreasonable, inconsiderate and selfish to ask me to stop doing it altogether; it’s too much to say it’ll be like cutting off my oxygen supply but yea, it’ll be like cutting off a limb. More precisely, it’ll be like clipping off the wings of a bird or a butterfly.
‘The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.’ -Theodore Roosevelt
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