We’ve
been having mice problems of late: it wouldn’t be long where we finally managed to catch one that
we sighted yet another making its merry way around the kitchen. These disgusting
rodents scare me, yes, albeit their comparatively much smaller size compared to
moi. I hate and detest and feel disgusted with them. We’ve also been having black ant problems
(they migrated from the rambutan tree (at one point there were fire ants at the
rambutan tree) to the rose apple tree outside the porch). Sometimes these ants
enter the house and build nests - a few months ago, I belatedly discovered a colony in the
kitchen drawer where we store drinking glasses.
I
had broached the idea of pest control to dad but he dismissed the idea saying
that such activity uses dangerous poison that’s harmful to health. After
setting a trap on Tuesday evening and successfully catching a mouse the
following morning (and having to dispose of the body *euwww* *ugh*
*disgusting*), I decided it was high time I called pest control. So I browsed
and selected Ikari, a joint venture with a Japanese company and, equally
important, located in Pandan Indah and called them. I must say I wasn’t
impressed at first with the person who took the call and the lady she passed
the call to who promised a sales consultant would call me shortly. I waited a
couple of hours and rang the company again, this time asking to speak to a
sales consultant. I was lucky to be put through to Darren who promised to come
over the same evening, even though I told him I’d likely be free only after
19:30 after performing prayers.
Darren
told me he was in Subang Jaya when I informed I was already home and that he
would come the following evening. However, 40 minutes later, he rang and said
he was back at the office and could come over if I still wanted him to. I
agreed and he arrived at 20:35. We did a simple internal site inspection but as
it was already dark, he would come and do a second inspection, external
inspection this time. He also shared info about the disgusting rodents, the
baits Ikari uses and that the company uses poison of class IV toxicity that even if domestic cats accidentally eat baits meant for rodents, there won’t be any side effect. I told him I agreed to engage his company’s services and we agreed he
would come again on Saturday.
Darren
arrived at 09:50 on Saturday and we did external site inspection. He then made
another internal inspection before proceeding to spray the house. I helped move
some furniture to make his access easier around the house perimeter. Then we
set some mouse baits and I helped him fold the bait casings. After all that, he
went out to spray the external perimeter before spraying the rose apple tree. I
asked if I could try my hand at it and he said sure. The spray pumped from an
eight-litre container and I could only offer to try it then when it was about a quarter full.
Before
he left, Darren asked me about my circumstances. I told him I’m staying with
dad and looking after him after Mummy passed. He said he’s also doing the same
thing with his mum after his dad passed. He then said that no matter what religion
we believe in and follow, he believes all religion teach the same thing and
about caring and respecting our parents. He told me he’s also the youngest in
the family with the oldest brother not giving a damn about the family. The
sister also didn’t care about the mother but is now regretting her past
actions. Then he said he was actually closer to his dad than his mother and he
felt that it is God’s will that he lost the parent he was closer to and now has
to care for the parent who used to beat him. I told him that I was also closer
to my mum and it is hard for me to share things with my dad and maybe that’s
God’s plan for us: for us to be close to the parent we still have remaining, to
improve our relationship and to care for the remaining parent. It is our duty, I
concurred, although I know my sister and sometimes I too feel aggrieved, angry
and resentful that my older brothers have happily washed their hands off dad.
One brother actually cared for his precious mother-in-law for years when she
had stroke and now that old woman has not only recovered from the stroke but is
able to carry out chores and cook again for customers. Seriously, WTF is that?
You can care for your mother-in-law but you can hardly come and spend three
days in total in a year with dad? That’s a seriously fucked up attitude, dude.
I
told Darren I don’t want to concentrate on what my brothers haven’t been and
aren’t doing although there are times when I feel the unfairness bearing on me.
I feel overwhelmed and not strong enough to face the challenges of caring for
an elderly parent. Darren said we should forget about other people, that he
believes in karma, that he believes we will die an easy death knowing that we have tried our best and done our part and that these uncaring siblings will get their lot later on
in life. I agreed and said we should continue doing what we can to the best of
our ability.
Darren
also said from his brief observation and acquaintance with me that he found me
a helpful caring person (my little help to ease his work – actually I was just
trying to help and speed up the process!) and that most clients wouldn’t care
to do that. He said he believed I’m a caring warm person and I would try my
best for my dad. Imagine such praises from someone you just met! Even those who
know me better and longer find it hard to give me any compliments.
I
thanked Darren again for his kind words and for his service, for helping me
fight my rodent and ant nightmare even though it was his off day and for
managing to fit me in so soon after my call to Ikari. We may have started as
service provider and client and total strangers but I believed we parted as
friends. We also gave each other encouragement and I reminded him to take good care of himself, for how we take care of anyone if we are ill ourselves? We have to take care of ourselves first before we can care for another and that’s not being selfish but logical and practical. In the aeroplanes, the emergency procedure always stresses that you must put on the oxygen mask on yourself first before attending to others for how can you be of help if you attend to others first and then suffocate as you try to attend to yourself?
~~~~~~~~
I
told my sister late last night that none of my brothers had better be saying
that I’ve not been taking care of dad. I’ve done so for the past 7 years and
counting. It’s not that I want to be calculative but I want them to realise
that I’ve done more than they ever will. Have they ever offered to take care of
dad? NO. NOPE. NADA. Not for 7 months, not for 7 weeks and not even for 7 days.
So don’t anyone try to bitch about me when all these years I try my best when
they haven’t. You think it’s easy living with an octogenarian parent who’s a
worrier warrior, always anxious and terribly paranoid? I miss my old life
living by myself in micasa. It’s so much nearer for me to commute to/fro work
staying at micasa (a 10-minute walk to the bus station compared to almost double that duration in Ampang) but it was expected that I would move back home when Mummy
left so that I can look after dad because hey, I’m the only one still unmarried.
But this does not absolve you of your own role and responsibility, this doesn’t
mean you can happily and guiltlessly wash your hands off. Did anyone care about
what I wanted or if I have any options? Did anyone ask to help apart from Akak? Did anyone ever ask how I’m doing? Did anyone ever enquire how I’m coping or if I am coping at all? Did anyone ever offer to hire a full-time nurse to look after dad? Did anyone realise I have my own life to live too? So don’t begrudge
me when I go on my occasional trips. I have my own life to live too and I’m not
going to put my life on hold. Don’t talk about sacrifices and consideration and
responsibility when you haven’t even demonstrated a shred of any of that. He’s
not just my father but yours too. So before anyone points a finger at me, think
of the four fingers pointing back at you.
In
the meantime, I would appreciate it if you, my two dear readers, could please pray for my dad’s recovery. Thank you.
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