Friday, October 21, 2016

What Mummy Said

This coming weekend will mark six years since Mummy left us. Not a day goes by that I do not think about her, that I don’t miss her. Mummy and I didn’t agree on some things; she and Akak got along very well. I’m more like Mummy: stubborn, hard-headed, determined and assertive. Maybe I reminded her too much of herself, wallahualam. Anyway, I digress. I think it’d be appropriate to share what Mummy used to advise us, most of it concerning money because life wasn’t easy when we were growing up with Abah the sole bread winner. And I think it’s still appropriate now in the face of the slowing economy. OK, here goes:

Live within your means. Don’t pretend you’re someone you’re not. There’s this Malay phrase which says ‘Biar papa asal bergaya’ which loosely translated means one should be stylish even if one is broke or destitute. Well, we don’t believe in this. If you don’t have the money, then act accordingly. Don’t envy what another has. Don’t beg, borrow or steal just so you can keep with the Joneses. By extension, don’t run into debts or spend too much on your credit card. Another thing she liked to say is not to dream of marrying someone’s daughter if you don’t have the money.

If you have the money, then save and spoil yourself to a little luxury every now and then. Treat yourself occasionally. Dress accordingly. Don’t insult yourself by buying clothes from the night market (yes, Mummy said exactly that). You deserve to. As Shakespeare said, ‘Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting.’ There are people who neglect themselves, some who even neglect their families, trusting the others (family, community, and even God) to provide for their families. Their argument is they want to spend their wealth in the way of religion. Nothing wrong with that but in Islam, you’re supposed to spend on your family first. My parents also advised us not to lend anyone money because they had done just that to relatives and the monies lent to various individuals still remain outstanding decades later to this day.

Don’t cause trouble or inconvenience others. Be courteous. Mummy shared that when she left Batu Pahat for good, she and her sister cleared the house and then cleaned and washed it thoroughly for the next occupants. When we stay at hotels, we make up our beds and not leave the room in a tip when we check out. Leave such that it reflects well on your upbringing and so that people will have a good impression of the guest you are. For car owners, you can own several vehicles but make sure you don’t inconvenience others by parking haphazardly or blocking other road users. Don’t be like some Malaysians who double park or park like they’re in a drive-through.

Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto yourself. Don’t bully others if you don’t like to be bullied. Don’t make others wait if you hate waiting for others.

Like most mothers, Mummy was a realist. There is no shortcut; one has to work and study hard and smart to achieve what one wants from life. My family doesn’t have blue blood and we aren’t connected to anyone so we have to work doubly hard to get what we want. As such, she would be quick to cut short any fantasy I entertained of winning anything grand or achieving something great without much input on my part. There must be an effort before any result is had. While this has made me a practical and realistic person, I can’t help being impatient at those whom I don’t deem of putting in any effort.

My parents are of the view that a good education is the best gift any parents can ensure their kids have because no one can take away your knowledge from you whereas wealth can simply be frittered away. They also hate to see us waste our time because there is always something to be done around the house.

I’d like to think that my parents have raised me to be a good person who is courteous and mindful of others. Someone who doesn’t inconvenience others and who works hard for her keep. I know sometimes I rolled my eyes when you started lecturing me but to this day, I still remember and follow your advice, Mummy. I know I caused you a lot of grief with my stubbornness and hard-headedness but I hope that I didn’t make you cry over me.


I still miss you so very much, Mummy.