Wednesday, July 08, 2015

Without You

It’s just another year.
Another long year to get through.
Another of your birthday.
Another Mother’s Day.
Another of Abah’s birthday.
Another Ramadan.
Another of my birthday.
Another of Akak’s birthday.
Another Syawal.
Another year spent.
All without you.

They say time heals pain. I don’t know if I’m healed, I think I still am healing. I don’t know how long this will take me because to be honest, I don’t know if I will be completely healed. It still hurts after all this time and to some, enough time has gone by surely. But it still feels like yesterday when I could hear and see you. I miss your advice and calming words and I know I disagree with some of your points at times but I don’t discard them outright.

I know I’m not the easiest daughter to have or the easiest to live with what with my stubbornness, my tantrums and my bad temper. But I always try to the best of my ability to be a good daughter to you and Abah. I do try to be a good girl, a good Muslim, a good daughter, niece and aunt. I walk on the right side, walk on the straight and narrow, do not litter, do not spit, do not hurt others, in short, do not do onto others what I don’t want to be done on myself. I don’t smoke, do drugs or drink, never have and insyaAllah never will. But all that is not enough because every living being will be called to meet their Maker.

My Syawal has been bleak, boring and gloomy without you. I don’t feel like celebrating like everyone else. There’s no cause for celebration for me without you with us.

A thousand tears will not bring you back. But I do so wish we could be together again. Because I miss you so much, more than words can ever say.


I MISS YOU, MUMMY. SO MUCH IT HURTS. Al-Fatihah.