Friday, November 14, 2014

Human Nature: II

I was having lunch at my cubicle one fine day while reading when I overheard two of my staff chatting and I caught one of them saying, ‘Well, they may be alright now but they should consider. After all, she’s a good 10 years older than him.’ I don’t know why it caught my attention and for once, I was quick to conclude, and rightly too, that they were talking about a local celebrity. They continued on commenting about the couple and their marriage and speculating how long it would last. And I remember thinking then, ‘Why? Why is our society always quick to judge and condemn especially the female segment of the population? And why are women the harshest critics of their own sex? Shouldn’t they stand up for one of their own?’

I have nothing against the couple at all. They haven’t done anything to bother me and my stance towards them is that they are free to do what they like. They are married (and the celebrity has recently given birth to a baby girl, her first) and they look happy together and in love. I don’t see why age should be an issue, why her being older in the union should be an issue when the husband in the equation has no issue about it. Of course it’s unusual and rare in our society for the wife to be older but hey, it’s been known to happen. Even Saidatina Khadijah was fifteen years older than our beloved Prophet and I’m not sure how the situation was back then, but I doubt it was usual for the wife to be older way back then either. But their marriage worked well and if it was good enough for Rasulullah (PBUH), then why do we have so many problems and issues about accepting it in the modern society we live in? (Some people claim to be modern but are not open-minded Oh the irony.)

I’ve mentioned in the first paragraph that women are the harshest critics of their own sex. They are the ones who would be the first to look down on lady divorcees, fearing that a single-again woman might have designs on their husbands (and of course it’s always the women’s fault for getting themselves divorced – as if they forget that it takes two to tango and make a marriage work). They are also suspicious of lady bachelors who haven’t settled down yet either by choice or circumstances, fearing that they would be replaced by these single women. Why? Why all these suspicions and misconceptions? And why look down on the single and single-again ladies and worse, call them spiteful names? Does marital status matter that much? Is marital status an indication that one’s made it in life, that s/he has fulfilled one stage of her/his lifecycle? Does being single or divorced mean one is a failure? And why immediately label those who are still single as choosy (and even then, so what if we are choosy? I take my time to choose my groceries, should I not devote a longer time to choose a potential life partner? Duh.)?

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I cried buckets when I watched this sad clip late on Sunday. I’m not naïve or ignorant but sometimes, in my safe cocoon of comfort, I may have overlooked those who have to do without. It seems a bit indulgent to complain of something, a bad footie match for instance, when there are those who really have to struggle on a day-to-day basis just to live another day. This clip is in Chinese with sub-titles in Malay and it is about this 8-year old girl who was abandoned by her parents when she was a baby. A stranger found her and brought her back and raised her as if she was his daughter. They live deep in the jungle, just the two of them. The neighbours had relocated a long time ago but they stayed put as the foster dad doesn’t have much himself. She walks close to two hours each way to school every day through the jungle and occasionally screams out to scare off wild animals as taught by her foster dad. She wore her sandals to shreds as they were given to her by her dad and they couldn’t afford another. He hasn’t changed his glasses in 10 years because he couldn’t afford a new pair and that any money would go towards her schooling. He’s doing poorly and she takes care of him when she comes home from school, cooking some simple fare. Before school, she feeds her buffalo, the only possession they have besides the dilapidated hut they lived in. Despite all the hardship, she’s a clever bright student. Despite being taunted a jungle girl by her classmates, she still braves the jungle every day to go to school to seek knowledge and education. And yet here we have students who skip school who play truant and have no respect for their teachers or elders.


It just makes you want to weep at the unfairness of the world and the ungratefulness of some. It’s a reminder to myself that life is just too short for the things that really matter. That I should concentrate on that those that matter most and not spend too much time agonising, stressing or worrying about things that don’t matter. And even things that matter don’t need much stressing and agonising over. I mean, what’s a loss when there are many people out there who live a hand to mouth existence?