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There is a colleague I’m kind of close to by virtue of us being in the same department before. Despite being ‘close’ to her, sometimes I cannot stand her. Let’s call her A.

A, another colleague, B, and I have agreed to go on a trip together. I have also asked my mate, C, to join the trip. So I went to the MATTA Fair on Saturday to search for the best packages that would be palatable to our budget and proposed date of travel. I spent 3.5 hours at the MATTA Fair, updated them in between before finalising our trip. I paid the deposit then left, thinking that was that.

On Monday, A enquired if C’s partner would be coming along on our trip. I know C and partner have since separated so I replied no, saying they are no longer together. Then I said, ‘But you already knew that, don’t you?’ and was not surprised when she admitted knowing. (So why did you ask??)

Anyway, today, A asked me if she could bring another member of family to the trip. Before I could offer my opinion, she cut me off and said that she would handle this additional person with the travel agent. I told her that it was not my decision alone to make, that she also needed to check with the two others travelling with us. After all, it’s not just me who’ll be travelling with her, but also B and C. She looked surprised and asked me if she needed to do so and I said, yes, of course! (To be honest, I’m not keen for more people to join the trip. If you want to bring in additional family member, then arrange the trip yourself. I wouldn’t need to spend hours at the MATTA Fair trying to find a package for the four of us if the trip was going to turn to be a family trip. FFS.)

Then A asked me about C, about why she and partner went their separate ways. She asked if I knew why and my reply was it was probably financial because come on, many a relationship have failed because of money – not just because it’s too little but also in some instances, because there’s too much. She proceeded to grill me and wondered who the partner was. I told her it doesn’t matter because he’s a jerk anyway. She looked at me and asked why I said that. I told her he’s a jerk because he did that to my friend and anyone who does that to my friend is a jerk. She then proceeded to test the limit of my anger by asking, ‘What if she’s the jerk? You’re saying he’s the jerk but what if she’s the jerk? Or if he’s a jerk but she’s a jerk too?’ My reply was if both of them are jerks then they probably deserve it but because I’m C’s friend and not C’s partner’s friend, I would of course side with C. After all, C told me her side of story.

You would have thought it’d stop there but A then asked me to share with her what C told me. My reply is that I could not do that. What kind of person does she take me for? That I would betray my friend’s confidence and share all? I told her it’s not my story to tell, that I’m not liberty to tell and I would not betray my friend. Besides, this is not the first relationship to fail and trust me, it won’t be the last. Why do you need to know the dirty juicy details (because they’re juicy? Please.)? What is it to you anyway? How does it enrich one’s life trying to find out people’s deepest and darkest secret (or even if the secrets are not deep or dark, something you don’t care for the world to know)? How does the info alter your life anyway? Will your life be richer and fuller having known someone’s secret? And dammit, why do you even have to know? What would C say if she found out that A has been trying to find out about her by asking me about it?

And at the end of the day does it matter? Does it make C less of a human for having a failed relationship? If so, then I’m to be in the same category for I have my fair share of failed relationships too: some I walked away from, some I chose not to pursue, some the other party walked from.

It made me wonder about people like A. It makes me wonder about my sanity for suggesting we go on this trip together. It makes me worry about the trip, about spending a few days close together, especially when I’m starting to see A in a new (unfavourable) light. Plus, I hate being put in a spot like this, I hate it when people ask me insistently and incessantly about someone else. Heck, even if the question is about me and I don’t feel like telling people, that’s my prerogative, isn’t it? If I don’t feel like telling people about my secrets, what makes you think I want to readily spill the beans on someone else? Granted, there are people like that who love digging out the skeletons in another’s closet but at the same time get furious when the reverse is done on them but I’m not one of them. So, please, don’t insult me by thinking I’m one of them.