I have been looking forward to Monday and Thursday evenings for a few weeks now. Yes, you got it – The Amazing Race and The Amazing Race Asia are shown on those evenings. And it’s the season finale for The Amazing Race tonight. I was sad to see siblings Azaria and Hendekea and goths Kynt and Vyxsin leave but I was only too happy to see the last of Nate and Jen. They actually thought Taiwan was in Thailand. How ignorant!
The open display of emotions and affections between team members (especially in The Amazing Race rather than The Amazing Race Asia) never ceases to amaze and amuse me. I find Americans always more open and transparent and forthcoming in their feelings and don’t shy away from showing them, be it anger or frustration, or love and affection, to each other. It got to the point where I find myself wishing I can be as open in demonstrating my affections and expressing my emotions to my loved ones. I don’t normally have any inhibitions in expressing my emotions but as for affection, I may have held myself back sometimes.
I still kiss my parents’ hands and cheeks when we part – yes, even at this age – and of late, have been hugging them too. I have no qualms doing that even in public although I think my brother-in-law looked amused and a tad surprised when he witnessed me in action once. However, I still have problems telling my parents I love them.
Why, I wonder. Why do I feel uncomfortable saying those words to those I love most and who matter most to me? Is it because of my Asian background because I don’t think Asians normally express their love either to their parents or their children (they prefer to nag more to the latter) although I don’t think we have any problems saying how we feel to our partners. Am I the only one with this problem? I don’t think I had problems telling my parents I love them when I was small but why is it difficult now, when I should be more intelligent and matured than when I was a child? Is it because of my ego? I wish I can be more like Christina who has no hesitation in saying ‘I love you, Daddy’, ‘Good job, Daddy!’ etc to her once-difficult, grumpy and fault-finding father.
I don’t want to leave it too late to say those words. Yes, they know I love them as I know they love me but sometimes we need to hear those words. At least, I do. I want to hear my parents tell me they love me even now. And I think they would want to hear the same from me too.
And I wonder how my parents will react when I tell them eventually. Will they be surprised but delighted? Will they be wondering and secretly worrying if my days are numbered (some Malays have this belief that those who just died behaved peculiarly before their death)? Or will they just accept it happily as they know it anyway and as usual I’m just worrying over nothing?
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Arsenal thumped a 3-0 victory over troubled Fulham, thanks to two goals from Togolese Adebayor and a volley from Rosicky. Am I glad that Togo is not in the Africa Cup of Nations!
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