Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

So sang Elton John [though I much prefer the cover version by Blue]. To be honest, it is difficult for me to ask for an apology because I have a huge ego. But I’ve learnt to say ‘I’m sorry’ simply because I can’t bear to continue being in disagreement [it makes me miserable too]; besides, my ego is not that inflated for me to consider I may be wrong somewhere somehow [if anything, all the life’s lessons gained from these disagreements leave me feeling more humbled].

Back at varsity, I was very close to someone. So close that I was surprised and dismayed when we had our first major disagreements and boy, did we argue. After some time, we decided to go to the kitchen to try to talk things over civilly but before long, I ended up shouting at him and he said his piece too. But you know what? It actually helped clear the misunderstanding between us and after that we got closer than ever before [not to say that there wasn’t a repeat of that shouting session, in fact there were quite a few more of that]. Maybe all that shouting helped clear our chests off things that we found disagreeable with each other. Thereupon, I believe in speaking my mind whenever I was hurt, displeased, felt let down etc by him and by others, and even when I didn’t think I was wrong I’d be the one to apologise first.

‘Cause I’ve learnt that it’s not beneath me to say I’m sorry. I also don’t want to look back in anger ‘cause I don’t want to be this bitter person later. Besides, I don’t believe in bottling things up. I prefer letting things off my chest; why let toxic emotions run through me anyway. And if I disagree with someone, it’s not due to personal reasons. Because we don’t always share the same view [oh how boring the world would be if we all think and feel alike!] and of course won’t see eye to eye on everything. Speak now or forever hold your piece.

So if I have been too confused and confusing and misunderstand something, I am deeply sorry [not for being confusing and confused, but for having misunderstood - for I should know what it is like to be misunderstood]. If I have been insensitive and hurt anyone, please accept my apologies too, for that was unintentional. If I have angered anyone because I was angry, I’m sorry too [we tend to say hurtful and stupid things when we are angry]. ‘Cause I’ve also learnt that friendship is a fragile thing and I’d rather swallow my pride than lose a friendship.

Well, what do you know, I find it easier to say I’m sorry now. And, yes, when I say it, I do mean it.