And Yet Another

I was happy and relieved to see MamaCat in the porch when I returned home on Friday with another box. I wasn’t pleased though to see the tough white male cat sitting in the box I brought home earlier but it quickly took off when I approached them. Had a quick look in the drain, yes, kitty was there. It didn’t strike me as strange then why MamaCat wasn’t in the drain with kitty. Oh well, as long as she didn’t relocate, that was fine.

After going in to get some papers to line the new box, I went out again and called out to MamaCat and kitty softly, ‘Baby, come here. I got you another box.’ I stood up to leave, to get MamaCat comfortable with the box before bringing kitty into it but decided to have another look at kitty. I looked and stared and peered even closely.

My friend - who gave me a lift home and was to accompany me when the filter guys come to fix the filters - came out and I gave a confused, questioning look and said shakily, ‘It doesn’t seem to be moving. It doesn’t seem to be breathing. Is it alive?’ He could not confirm so we decided to give it some time before we’d know for sure.

I went in feeling sad and unhappy. I wanted to hope but it didn’t look promising. Kitty didn’t look alive. But it couldn’t be dead so soon. It was only born some 8 days earlier. Then I wondered what if it was already dead when I left for work that morning? But how could it have died when I saw MamaCat feeding it just the evening before?

My friend reasoned that maybe MamaCat didn’t have enough milk for kitty. That made me feel worse because I didn’t feed MamaCat. Blogging about the late cat of way back when last Friday could have been a bad omen. I could have fed MamaCat but I didn’t. And maybe if I had, MamaCat may have been able to continue feeding kitty and kitty wouldn’t have died. Another cat death and I was again related to the death, directly or indirectly.

I was overtaken by a feeling of remorse, of guilt, of helplessness, of regret. I cried silent and not-so-silent tears. I felt like I had failed another cat, robbed it of a chance to live. I felt like a monster. Cruel, heartless monster. I had my friend to comfort and console me. But did MamaCat have anyone to comfort it?

The filter guy called around 7 pm, having lost his way. After unsuccessfully trying to get him to find his own way, we went to get him. I took another look into the drain to see if kitty was indeed dead or if by some miracle, was alive. And, and, and, I regretted it - it was a mistake. For kitty had somehow been turned the other way... with half of its lower body missing. It was a good thing it was getting dark and I couldn’t really see the gory bits in the faint light of dusk.

I wanted to throw up. I retched. I moaned and groaned. To have died is one thing but to have your dead body further savaged was a death no living creature should endure. My friend firmly told me to get a grip and we left to get the lost filter guy. I still couldn’t quite shake off the image of kitty and almost vomited in the car. And to think we could have prevented kitty’s body from being further savaged had we been more alert.

Later that evening, I got my friend to help me get rid of the kitty, for I was too weak to be able to stand the sight of it. I didn’t think I could be strong enough to give it a burial the next morning when I could see kitty clearly. While I could perhaps somehow summon the courage to bury it in the backyard the next morning, the neighbour’s rabbits may dig it up and I didn’t want that. Nothing more should hurt kitty. And while we could have buried it just by the roadside, digging up a hole at night would definitely arouse suspicion. People might think we were trying to bury a human body. And stray dogs may dig up the body anyway.

So we didn’t give it a proper burial. My friend wrapped kitty in papers and placed it gently in a box, and placed the box in the bigger filter box. We said our last prayers and paid it our last respect.

Who killed kitty? Did MamaCat bite it later because she was feeling hungry? Is it possible for a mother cat to savage its dead kitten? I don’t know but I have read people who resorted to cannibalism because of circumstances. And how could irresponsible human mothers be so heartless as to rid off their newborn babies just by dumping the poor innocents in wastebins when I felt bad enough for not having given kitty a proper burial?

Goodbye kitty. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a proper burial. Rest in peace. Join my other feline friends and please wait for me in heaven. Even if I may take some time to get there.

I spent the weekend mourning for kitty. It may sound silly to some of you, it was after all just a kitten, barely ten days old. But it was a life, nevertheless, taken away too soon. God knows best of course. Whoever said a cat has nine lives?