Frantic

Am currently at the MAS Golden Lounge at KLIA. Had a frantic morning - cleaning up, ironing [deciding what to bring over took a while too!], packing etc etc and even squeezing in my laundry and hanging the flag at the porch! Mummy and Abah came over to visit [and later send me to KL Sentral]. Good thing Mummy was downstairs; otherwise she'd shake her head at my last-minute packing and say a few things. Even went to the office to settle something after checking in my luggage before going back to KL Sentral for the train to KLIA [and running to catch the train that was due to depart in 15 seconds, didn't fancy waiting another 20 minutes - 'cause it was off-peak hours - for the next train].

Oh yes, it's been a frantic day so far. Gotta go solat now before making way to gate. The good thing is there's a surau here [am really milking my short stay here] otherwise would have to start walking to the public one and I'm frantic enough as it is!

Let's hope I have enough dosh to last me over the next week, seeing I forgot to make an advance claim... yes, frantic me. To the lyrics of Britney Spears' Toxic Don't you know that I'm frantic...!

Whoops-a-daisy, really gotta dash. See You Later, Alligator!

Only You

The Korean drama buff that I am [heh!] am now glued to this drama Only You. I missed the first few episodes as I was following Beautiful Days, another Korean drama, which I didn't quite like 'cause the hero is not altogether to my liking [yes, that's an important factor mate!]. As usual, I did some googling but could only find limited info on the drama, unlike previous dramas - I could even find episode by episode guide to some dramas!

Starring the Prince Charming and Barbie Doll of Korea, Jo Hyun Jae [or Cho Hyeon-jae] and Han Chae-young, Only You is the story of an ambitious chef and a young heir who cross paths in Venice both in search for something significant in their lives. Basically, another one of those poor girl meets rich boy - and yes, he is the heir to some conglomerate, how predicatable! - and as usual there's the 3rd, 4th and 5th parties who try to break them up [again, how predictable eh].

As usual, there's some twist to Korean dramas and this is no different. The girl had actually met the boy six years prior - in Venice, no less! - and they had a One Night Stand, resulting in the girl being pregnant without the boy knowing (I missed these episodes though). And now, six years later, both are back in Korea and their paths crossed again... and the plot had developed such that the boy has met his son without knowing it's his son.

As the Barbie Doll of Korea, the heroine is beautiful, and as the Prince Charming of Korea, the hero is equally cute too - yet another reason why I am glued to it instead of Beautiful Days! As I've alluded to earlier, the hero in Beautiful Days isn't classically handsome [well, at least in my humble opinion] and as for the heroine, well, she looks forever sad and on the verge of tears. In addition, there's a lot of shouting and loud talks in Beautiful Days - the heroine's friend shouting at her for being silly for instance. Korean dramas shown here are translated mainly into Mandarin and Sometimes Cantonese.

Ah... and I'll miss five whole episodes next week due to my trip...! ~`#^&?/^* What If It's Over when I return? That's the risk when you're glued to a particular series. I don't want to fork out dosh to buy the VCD/DVD, an original set would set me back by more than a hundred Ringgit. Not only that, there will be storage problems.

~~~~~~~~

Speaking of the trip, I spent Yesterday frantically trying to find and download and print materials for the study trip. Have got only an iota of inkling of what it's all about and as much as I was trying to wriggle myself out of it earlier, it wouldn't do to appear Clueless and Lost during the whole trip and discussions that would inevitably take place. No sooner had I finished something then something else looms up! Well, at least a week's break from The Office. It's just that I'll have to prepare a report of some sort to document and capture what I managed to gather during the trip and most likely would also have to make presentation to the department [knowledge sharing]. Aye, no such thing as a free trip. That means I must try hard to stay awake and understand and not be Lost during the field trips and discussions. That's another part that I dread - the after-the-trip torture. In between, I was also trying to find some info on the local destinations so that I know what awaits me and what to look for at each destination.

I'm due to leave tomorrow evening and I haven't even decided what to bring, let alone pack! I have a million things to do before then: clean the place up, pack, iron... oh joy... NOT!

Have You Ever

Have You Ever thought you're a failure? That your life is A Series Of Unfortunate Events? Well, I'll be honest: yes, these insecure thoughts have crossed my mind. Sometimes I feel like such a failure. What have I done to enrich the life of my fellow countrymen? I've not done any voluntary work for any charity body - the closest I've come is to lend a helping hand when needed. I've not spent time to help hatch turtles, save the tigers or elephants, or help out in emergencies such as the tsunami or earthquake rescue teams.

Have You Ever felt that you're not at all that good at work? That compared to your peers, you're nothing. Not a high-flyer. Not an achiever. Just average. Yes, I know I don't work as hard and put in as long hours as some people. Nor am I as technically gifted as some are. But Sometimes, I wonder if I am in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong things. And that maybe, had I been given the opportunity, I could have been a better worker and I could have scaled the corporate ladder like some other high achievers. And I feel deprived of that opportunity. But God knows better that this is where I'm supposed to be.

And don't get me started on my personal life. I'm just that - a Failure To Launch, no doubt about it. Enough said 'cause I don't want to sound self-absorbed and self-obsessed. Not when there are many more problems in this world of more serious nature compared to my personal woes. But still, Have You Ever felt like howling out loud, bawling your eyes out and shout out to the world? Or is it just me?

Have You Ever watched from the sidelines and felt ever so helpless and hopeless because you could not do anything? I wish I could alleviate my parents' pain, take it away and make it all disappear altogether. But I can't even take care of my own problems or solve my own illness...

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

~~~~~~~

Have You Ever been made to run around like headless chicken attending to nitty-gritty matters so much so that you only have lunch at 4.50 pm of fried rice from the cafe and it has never tasted worse - dry and tasteless and hence just about barely edible, with nothing in it, not even miserable anchovies or small prawns or a shred of vegetable. Yet you devour it like it's the best meal ever simply because you're famished beyond words and on automatic pilot eating mode, just open mouth, munch and swallow, eating for the sake of filling your tummy up so that you won't get gastritis. And your dinner is at 11 pm? Well, been there, done that. Keep up to this and I'll be reduced to nothing. And I don't want that. It's hard enough for me to gain weight, let me at least maintain it but no, I'm losing weight. I Sure do hope it's worth it. Anyway, the event for which my colleagues and I had been slaving on for weeks is now over. Syukur...

Strangely though, I don't really feel anything. Relieved, yes, but not to the point of shouting out to the world to demonstrate it. I'm just too exhausted. Or maybe I just can't be bothered any more...

~~~~~~~

Well, this is a reminder, especially to myself if all these self-doubts reappear: that everything is meant to be and will happen according to God's plan. That even if I can't stand up and roll my sleeves to fight against injustice, I can do it in some other way. That even if I can't donate blood because I'm underweight, I can still play my part in helping mankind. And I can contribute in some way like donating to the WWF, giving away old clothes, ensure I help save the environment in my own little way etc. And I can continue making prayers for those I love dearly.

And the lessons of God are everywhere. Look around us, there's Always someone less fortunate at the other corner. I am not Alone in my troubles, which are few compared to those of others. There are sick people bedridden for years and suffering from unspeakable pain. There are people who haven't seen the sun or the moon or felt the Rain on their faces for years due to imprisonment...

Yes, I'm in a better shape relative to some people, I've only been pricked by tiny difficulties. Am currently reading this book 'Don't Be Sad' by 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qami and am sharing what little I've read so far with everyone:

No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees - before We bring it into existence. (Quran 57: 22)

The pen has dried, the pages have been lifted: all events that shall come to pass have already been written.

Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us (Quran 9: 51)

Whatever has befallen you was not meant to escape you, and whatever has escaped you was not meant to befall you: If this belief were to be firmly ingrained in your heart, then all hardship and difficulty would become ease and comfort. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: 'Whoever Allah wishes good for, He inflicts him (with hardship).'

He cannot be questioned as to what He does, while they will be questioned (Quran 21: 23).

Yes, the pen has dried and with it has been written everything that will happen to us... so shake off those insecurities, self-doubt, lack of confidence and let's live a life of No Regrets!

Destressing A Distressed Mind

It's a sunny Saturday afternoon/early evening and I'm in The Office, tidying up things and tying up work. Nice... NOT! Anyway, was earlier at BB. Funny how forking out dosh can actually cheer me up but that's the power of retail therapy of course! I decided I deserve a treat and a pamper after all the stresses I've been through the past few weeks. I was also very distressed Yesterday when I learnt that there's a possibility of a return of Mummy's neck tumour. Oh God, I'm so not ready to deal with this new test. I wonder if I'm just being a normal human here or if my iman is that weak that I cannot withstand God's tests.

It's nice and quiet and peaceful in The Office now. One can actually do a lot of work but oh, I'd sound like such a workaholic and I'm hardly that! I remember those weekends when I'd come to The Office and studied. It actually did help.

Am planing to catch a movie tomorrow. I don't fancy Adam Sandler but heck, will try to watch Click - if there's still tickets, seeing school hols have started. Planning to go for a morning walk tomorrow. Haven't gone for a walk in ages... need some endorphin fix.

My best mate said depression is actually very common - Boy, was I relieved to hear that! I'm pasting here some of what she said for the benefit of other readers: Depression is more of feeling low which persists beyond normality.It is an extension of 'normality'. [And hearing voices, seeing things etc are not part of depression, heh! Be rest assured Adek is not seeing nor hearing nor imagining things!]. There are anti-depressants to combat depression which are really safe, they don't cause sedation or dependence. Patients can stop taking them when they feel stronger emotionally. Basically depression is just an imbalance of chemicals in the body, that's it. Sometimes by just explaining that to patients makes them feel a lot better because they think there is a stigma to it, when it is just another medical condition like a broken leg. And get this, it would probably be abnormal not to feel down if you're really in a crappy situation! People who just dismiss depression as a 'state of mind' are pretty ignorant and ill informed. It is certainly NOT that whatsoever.

Phew!

It's getting late and I've stayed in The Office long enough for a Saturday so I'm going back to My Own Private Idaho. See You Later, Alligator!

Disjointed Thoughts

I have a 'nice' little growth slightly off my right chin. Yes, blimey crikey, it's a blinking pimple aka zit! I only noticed it Yesterday evening and - oh horror of all horrors - it seems to be increasing in size every few hours, just in time for the event I'm taking care of next week. Nice... NOT! Oh God, What Have I Done To Deserve This?! Nursing a pimple at this age? And I betcha, at the event, everyone will be staring hard at it and trying unsuccessfully to look as if he/she isn't, but I know that's what that's got their attention. Not even my best angelic smile complete with dimple can distract them from my pimple.

I don't normally apply cream to zap zits off 'cause I never invested in any - thankfully I don't get them that often. Funny [not in a ha ha ho ho way] how it knows just exactly when to sprout out! I'm thinking of maybe sticking a nice handiplast on my face to hide it from the rest of the world. I wonder if it comes transparent-like or in skin-colour so that it wouldn't be too obvious? But wait. What do I say if people ask? That I'd bang my chin against the door [er, although I'm sure I'm capable of that]? I'd sound clumsy then!

This morning I decided to apply my shiny lip gloss in my vain (and futile) attempt to distract malicious tongues from making snide remarks at my zit. And I couldn't unscrew the cap of the gloss. Duh! So I had to ask the Arsenal supporter to help me with it [aye, how embarassing to ask a guy to open a girl's cosmetic bottle]. No one's made any remark yet, on either the zit or lip gloss. Hmmm...

Anyway, let's hope it disappears reallll soon. If possible, before the event. And the trip next weekend. In the meantime, any suggestions on how to rid pimples successfully, Without A Trace, pain and side effects, and on how to distract people from staring at it are most welcome.

~~~~~~~~

My friend told me she's feeling moody. I can so relate to her 'cause I'm feeling so stressed and stretched now. And I feel moody, crappy and shitty too 'cause I can't cope for much longer with one less staff and what with the event next week I'm in charge of, which by the way is taking wayyy too much of my time. I do hope it'll be the last event I have to be involved in ever cos I'm not that organised even if I want to and should be, and I just hate going into nitty-gritty micro details, which are not that urgent but still very important. So I know now that I cannot be an event organiser [after watching the Wedding Planner a while ago, I actually toyed with the idea of doing something similar, but no thanks now]. So what else can I not be besides an event organiser? Most definitely not a chef 'cause I don't like to cook!

And like her, Sometimes I can't be bothered with dealing with people too. Yesterday, I barely managed [actually not sure if I did manage] to control my boiling temper at someone who called in. I felt like shouting abuse at the lady. I was feeling that crappy and snappy. After the conversation ended, I slammed down the phone and took it off the hook - for the major part of the day. So no job dealing with customers for me, or teaching or tutoring, 'cause I don't have the patience.

My friend also said that depression is common. In a strange way, I'm glad to know that. 'Cause I've been wondering if it's just me suffering from occasional depression. And if I'll have to be put on sedatives, and I'll start seeing things that aren't there, hearing voices that aren't there etc etc.

Questions: Does stress produce pimples? Does stress also induce leg/foot cramps? Appreciate medical/expert opinion but am too skint to pay for consultancy fees.

~~~~~~~~

Two Scrabble matches down and another to go. I managed to score two bingos on the first day [only to discover the first word is non- existent!] and a hat-trick of bingos in Yesterday's game. Syukur... I am aiming for the highest bingo score prize so must need to score better bingos tomorrow [yea, I earn a paltry salary, that's why I look forward to and actually aim to win all these prizes, kind of benefit-in-kind. Sad, eh]. My current bingos scores fall short of the highest mark for bingo scored so far. To those clueless about what I just said, check this out.

But tomorrow will be a challenge. Most definitely a BIG challenge. But maybe I can distract my opponent with my pimple eh.

Hotchpotch Thoughts

I LOVE (MOST) FRUITS...

It was a durian-fragrant pad that greeted my return from work Yesterday. I could smell it even as I was unlocking the gate [and was nowhere near the door or inside the house!]. And even as I wondered if my neighbours also have some durian stocked in their houses, I suspected the smell came from my fridge!

While I'm still on the subject of the King of Fruits, only two weeks ago, my Treasure Hunt mate-of-few-words bought three pre-packed durian from a nearby supermarket with the intention of bringing them home [yes, aboard the train with a journey easily more than an hour away and all!]. But guess what, he forgot. He left the durian overnight in The Office. So when I stepped in on Tuesday, I was puzzled when I smelled durian from my cubicle at 9 am [and my cubicle is the nearest to the pantry]. Now, who could and would be eating durian at 9 am?! Unless some kind souls have brought over some durian desert [pengat durian]... but strange, why hadn't anyone invited me for a sample? Curiosity got the better of me so I hopped over to the pantry, only to discover it was empty of souls and devoid of any visible food. Hmmm...

When I came back from lunch, it was all bright in The Office as some windows had been opened to provide ventilation and no doubt relief from the durian smell emanating from a mysterious source. The mystery was solved that afternoon: the durian packs were hidden in a bag propped on a chair. And my mate was generous enough to let a few of us Lucky ones share in his durian. Needless to say, the windows remained opened til the end of that Tuesday...

Ahhh, and now I am longing for mangosteens and duku langsat too... and don't get me started on those foreign fruits: nectarines, apricots, plums, grapes, just to name a few. But for now, will make do with guava and durian I still have left in the fridge [because failing to finish those durian may just lead to the neighbourhood being evacuated!].

~~~~~~~~

I LOVE PLAYING ...

It's that time of the year again when Adek brushes off cobwebs of dusty Scrabble words from her memory bank. For it's time to Scrabble!!!

I have been playing since I was small, for fun then. Now, I like to think I play professionally for fun. Let's not forget that I got to Escape from The Office and went to Singapore last August [gosh, has it been a year since?!] after so long since my last visit because I play Scrabble. And I Sometimes play Scrabble during lunch-time too, either with my mate(s) or with my PC (where I have an imaginary sparring partner, i.e. Brad (Pitt). And so it's Brad the imaginary player vs Brat the confused and confusing player).

That's the only game I can play decently. I can't/don't play/enjoy other board games like chess, Monopoly, Risk etc. Traditional games are similarly alien to me. And the active games like tennis, netball, basketball are so not for me. I don't have the skills nor stamina nor interest to play those games. I don't mind cheering though, that's why I love those Win, Lose or Draw and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire games. Eh, on second thoughts, I love any of those games where I can participate noisily and scream in delight like a child.

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I FEEL OVERPROTECTED AT TIMES...

There are many occasions where I feel Overprotected by my parents. It isn't a bad thing but Sometimes it gets to me.

Like when I wanted to meet my girlfriend and before I stepped out of the house, I was subjected to a barrage of Twenty Questions [and possibly more]. Who was I going to meet; where was I going to meet this person; where were we planning to go/do; what time would I be back; how was I going there and coming back, etc etc etc. I tell you, it can get pretty exhausting before I even managed to walk out the door!

Say hello to the girl that I am!
You're gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am
And I don't wanna be so damn protected
There must be another way
Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God, I need some answers

What am I to do with my life
(You will find it out don't worry)
How Am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just got to do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

And there was the time when I wanted to attend a wedding in another city with a senior who happened to be a guy. And Abah was asking who this person was; how fast did he drive; did he drink etc etc etc. I felt insulted because for one, my friends are strict teetotallers like me, and for two, it sounded like he had such little confidence and beliefs in myself. I don't mix with bad people or hang out with the wrong crowd, although I know some people have this misperception that I'm a very social person [read: wild, go clubbing etc].

And there was the time when Lin and I had a slumber party over at S' brother's place. We went out, had a good time, came back to her brother's place and were chatting when the phone rang. And guess who it was? It was Akak, no doubt asked by Abah to check up on me. I felt a mixture of embarassment and strangely some pride too [because they cared enough to find out if I was OK].

And every time I go anywhere, I have to tell them my whereabouts. If I go on trips, I must provide them my itinerary: flight times, cities that I visit and details of lodgings in those cities, my next destination in that trip etc etc etc. As I said, might as well fit a GPS on me. [And the thing is, my parents don't do the same when they go anywhere and leave us wondering what's happened to them! Although they do call up, yes, to check up on me!].

And my parents disapproved when I wanted to learn driving. I went ahead anyway because I'm stubborn. And they never encourage me to buy a car, be it spanking brand new or a second-hand one.

But I suppose it's all because they love me. Although I do wish they wouldn't treat me like a child at times. But what do I know, after all raising a girl is hard in this era. And I'm Just A Girl so what do I know.

'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh...I've had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

~~~~~~~~

I AM STRESSED AND UNDER PRESSURE...

Yes, I am stressed, overworked, handicapped, stretched, Under Pressure and underpaid. So, what else is new? Nothing that Poco Poco sessions, walks in the evenings [and such me-time is now a luxury *sigh*], playing Scrabble, singing, reading novels/magazines and the noble Quran, and prayers cannot cure.

~~~~~~~~

I DON'T UNDERSTAND BOYS...

Oh Boy, will I ever?

Nomadic Existence

The weekend was pretty good. Went to Akak's on Saturday to spend the night which necessitated me taking various modes of transportation before reaching her place. Babysat the kiddies, had steamboat for Saturday Night dinner, crabs included. Mummy and Abah came to visit Akak too Yesterday, no doubt to check on me too! They also brought crab cooked in coconut milk [ketam masak lemak]. Yum yum yummy! And as the King of Fruits, durian, has never looked so fresh, fleshy, irresistible and tempting, I bought some at Jusco and later Tesco. Was sorely tempted to buy it last week but I can't buy the whole fruit, 'cause superhuman strength would be needed to pry it open and I'll probably just end up mutilating the fruit in my unsuccessful hacking attempts. So all in all, it was a successful 'increase-thy-weight' weekend - I'm normally a semi-vegetarian at My Own Private Idaho.

There's this new travel alert for those flying to the UK and fr UK to the US. Will be travelling myself next weekend but not to either UK or USA for a week of study trip so should not be affected, insyaAllah. Was trying to wriggle out of it but to no avail. I'm not too thrilled that my first port of arrival is coded BOM and yes, the city was bombed recently too. Am quite worried about the hygiene there to be honest. Thus not too looking forward to this trip. Couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry when my boss told it to me. But Adek will try to make the best out of it. Must be optimistic and inject some enthusiasm eh! Must console myself that at least am travelling to some exotic place with expenses paid for.

I haven't yet decided what to bring for this trip, will have to sit down and draw out a list later. Work clothes and shoes are a definite must besides casual outfits and practical walking footwear so my duffle Samsonite might be practical after all [was earlier thinking it's wayyy too big but perhaps not]. And as usual, before any trip, official or personal, I must prepare a list of some sort to inform my parents of where I'll be on any given day - this list covers airports, check-in and check-out dates at hotels etc - in short, my movement during the trip. Might as well fix a GPS on meself me thinks.

But before the trip, I have this event next week, in which I'm heavily involved. Can't abdicate my role no matter how much I want to [so like it or not, must work extra hard and longer hours, especially with our little Unit being short of a staff]. I can't wait to get this event and the trip out of the way and can't wait for my colleague to come back from her maternity leave too [but the sooner they get done also means the sooner it'd be for the Big Bang move to new departments]. Anyway, back to this event: I would need to camp at the hotel where the event will take place for two nights. Another round of packing in the overnight case again for this nomad.

I wonder if I'm supposed to feel this way for good. Belonging neither here nor there, hardly ever fitting in, Always on the outside looking in. But even Socrates said, 'I am not an Athenian or a Greek, I am a citizen of the world.' And so I suppose Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home).

The Office

I think it's only fair that I let you in on The Office I'm working in currently [as stated previously, TheOrganisation is undergoing a major restructuring so we will not remain officemates for long], or to be more accurate, some characters that are part and parcel of The Office.

As I've remained in the same department ever since Day One when I reported for work some years ago as a naive, wide-eyed, scared UK fresh grad and speaking mainly in English [so much so they call me Mat Saleh and refer to the UK as my home country], I have had the wonderful opportunity of befriending my officemates.There are interesting characters alright.

There are the two thick as thieves buddies though they are as different as night and day. One is a die-hard Liverpool fan Singh with a physique that towers over everyone else; the other is an Arsenal supporter of average built. They speak in the same footie language [they nickname Peter Crouch 'Koko Krunch'!] and they get along very well indeed. Oh they do have those wild spats every now and then but of course. I Sometimes refer to them for footie news and almost Always have a 'fight' with the Singh when he condemns Arsenal. But the Singh has a kind heart; he was the only one to offer me financial help should I needed it when I was pickpocketed some time back.

There's the other Liverpool fan, whose laid-back approach to life and work combined with his great humour make him instantly likeable, bulky size notwithstanding. But mind you, do not be quick to dismiss him for his easy-going attitude as beneath all that is a genius mind. His size Sure belies his intelligence. He is one of the most brilliant persons I've had the pleasure of knowing. He's also the driver for our little Treasure Hunt team, a role he insists on since he claims he's too lazy to get out of the car to find the clues or buy the treasures! But like I said, we all like him so we allow him that and we do insist he does more than just driving us around at breakneck Speed.

There's the quiet, reserved other member of our Treasure Hunt team, also another brilliant guy. The only thing is he's a man of (too) few words so much so that I once actually asked him out of exasperation if he has some gold deposits in his mouth [yea, trust Adek to be forthright]. Because of his nature and disposition, I Don't Know Much about him. He's a pleasant person and perhaps he likes to be mysterious, the strong, silent type.

There's the lady who I feel like I've known since forever. She's patient and accommodating. I can go up to her at any time and ask her questions and she will listen to me, never mind that I've asked the questions many times before. I can confide with her anything [if I choose to]. I consult her on things I cannot decide on or simply don't know [and mind you, there are a lot of things I don't know/understand!]. She consoles me, lends a sympathetic ear and empathises with me.

There's the beautiful friend of mine who is not only blessed with looks but also with brains. I don't know how she manages to juggle her work and family. A very nice, pleasant, likeable, easy-going girl who goes out of her way to help others and with whom I've shared a few Secrets.

There's the lady I affectionately call Auntie [and doesn't mind it too!] who kindly gives me a daily lift back. She's thoughtful and kind and has high tolerarance level - despite working for and with difficult people at times! She queries on my personal life - and since she's my adopted Aunt, I don't resent her queries [though I may choose not to answer and she respects that] - and lends a listening and sympathetic ear to my woes.

There's TheBoss' secretary who Sometimes acts as if she's the boss. She has a temper too and woe behold if she loses it. But I must admit that she is good at her job.

There's the lady who I suspects spends beyond her means [and to support her spending takes out loans]. I'm not that close to her and since she's not asked me to lend her money [not that I'll ever lend money to people, 'cause I'm a SINNER, i.e. Single Income 'N Not Enough Reserves and my parents are not WOOFS or Well-Off Older Folks], I won't interfere into her matters. Enough said.

There's the tight-fisted, calculative lady who is not only extra careful with her money but also with everything, including time spent working with TheOrganisation ['if I come to work on a non-working day, will TheOrganisation reimburse me for my time?']. She can advise you the most economical brand of dental floss to buy per metre; the best value-for-money brand of jelly mixture per gram; the best diapers/sanitary pads to buy per piece etc. I kid you not. Such people do exist!

There's the guy I can talk to about a lot of things, from work to personal stuff. We insult each other occasionally but he overdoes it at times that I had actually sulked once or twice before. He can be really sarcastic and hurt my feelings [and I'm a sensitive girl].

There's my MacGyver-Wannabe atheist friend from the other block whom I can talk to about almost anything and everything under the sun. He's one of those few rare males I feel comfortable talking to and I actually do enjoy our conversations. Just like the Singh, he also fancies himself a ladies' man. He has a great sense of humour and we Always insult each other, both knowing we don't mean it. He's Always advising me to find myself a Mat Saleh, reasoning that only Caucasians can understand my thinking and ideas. My, I must be so confused and confusing that the locals cannot understand me!

And then there's the confused and confusing La Nina Miss Shopaholic 'chic chick' me [to whom some people refer to for sales news, oh dear!] who occasionally stamps and stomps around, huffs and puffs when she's not pleased, laughs and talks a bit too loudly, and generally just being me.

Oh and let's not forget The Others who I don't know well enough because of circumstances [different portfolios, different blocks, different bosses], ass kissers and goody two-shoes included.

I'm so going to miss (most of) them. Some mornings I waltz in and seeing the Singh, comment innocently, 'Hey, Liverpool lost Yesterday, didn't they?'. Other times, I'd exchange snide remarks to the last two guys I mentioned above; exchange the latest gossips, my heartaches, insecurities and fears with my lady buddies; or be blowing my top. Actually as much as I complain about meetings, some of them are quite fun because of the colourful characters we have in The Office: one would be playing games on his PDA [I think that's what it's called, pardon my ignorance with all these techie gadgets] and nodding occasionally as if he is really following the discussion, another would start asking questions only for some of us to be asking more questions of our own [it's like he stimulates the questioning session], and others just sitting quietly. I'd chip in occasionally [can't just sit there and look pretty, y'know! It takes effort too!]. If the meeting gets boring, I'd people-watch and laugh silently with my friend over the glazed looks around us.

I'll miss exchanging those snide remarks and light banters, sharing jokes, gossips and Secrets, going out for meals and Staff Days, and participating in outdoor activities with my buddies. *Sigh* Yes, I Sure am going to miss most of them. I wonder what the future holds. Between you and me, at times, it looks bleak and dreary.

Opps!... I Did It Again

I did it Again. Yes, I snapped Again. Yes, this La Nina ran amok Again in The Office Yesterday and caused a mild destruction to The Office climate. Nothing so Bad... I can assure that the haze is worse!

And La Nina cannot guarantee that it would not happen Again. Yes, La Nina needs to attend a crash course in Anger Management [and why not add in Stress Management 101 too eh].

During my anger and increasing frustration Yesterday, I sent this message to my colleague:

'...xxx is taking way too much of my time and it's not the only bloody thing in this bloody world.'

His reply: 'I can see the world is getting bloodier nowadays.'

I replied back: 'As Captain Haddock of Tintin will put it, 'Billions of blue blistering barnacles.' I will put it as 'Billions of bloody blinking flipping blustering blastedness'.

Except for flipping which begins with 'f', not a bad one, eh!'

He: [wisely chose not to reply and changed the topic]

Heh.

My boss was on leave Yesterday and we had a meeting in the afternoon. And as we were bereft of a chairperson, guess who had to bring the meeting through? Yes, this La Nina.

But not to fear, it went well. And La Nina didn't blow or huff or puff. Phew!

After a series of briefing, discussion and meeting all in a half-day's work today, during lunch Adek attempted to calm down by going for Poco Poco with her colleagues. It's fun, seriously. You get to dance and prance, gyrate and rotate, swirl and twirl, spin and grin. And it works to calm me down. Never mind if I can't dance to save my life - I'm not blessed with graceful, lithe moves - but what the heck. I enjoy going to these Poco Poco sessions. I feel lighter, happier, less stressed and tensed.

And The Office can breathe a sigh of relief... until the next time La Nina strikes again.

Ramblings Of A Mad, Bad and Dangerous To Know Brat

Was at HQ during the weekend for soul pampering and increase-thy-weight activity campaign. The latter means 'Mummy, feed me 'cause your poor (not so) little daughter is a semi-vegetarian when she goes back to her current residence.' Heh. I really was stuffing myself Mad over the weekend with home-cooked meals, except on Sunday, when I took Mummy Shopping at Isetan. A good time was had [doubt my plastic appreciates the swiping though, heh] and we had a light lunch there too to cap our Shopping expedition [where I ended up finishing Mummy's meal, tsk tsk tsk]. But the haze that greeted our exit from KLCC was definitely not a welcomed sight. That was Bad.

~~~~~~~~

It was my parents' anniversary on Saturday. I found myself wondering how, where and when they met. See, I'm sure they hardly met before marrying! And here I am, with all the modern technology at my disposal and yet I'm a classic example of a Failure To Launch. Oh well, there must be a reason for it.

~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday morning, I flew off the handle when my staff kept referring things to me which I deem as petty and trivial. I must be failing in my duty if I fail to impress upon her that she should do what she thinks is right, without checking with me every time. Why can't she exercise her own judgement call? I handled it in true Adek style: I stomped off and stormed out of the office. Sheesh, must learn to control my temper. Yes, maybe I am Dangerous To Know after all [and probably that's why the male population shies away from me].

Oh and she's constantly checking something with me. The latest thing she asked is not trivia, it's quite important but hardly urgent now. No, not when there are many more other pressing issues at hand. Why can't she see that? Now I like to think that I'm a Theory Y manager and I don't like to breathe down people's neck to check up on their progress 'cause I so hate it when people do it to me [luckily for me, I've usually had autonomy when it comes to my work]. I've communicated such to them and hence do not understand why people need to keep referring to me for the slightest thing. It doesn't amuse me, it just downright annoys me big time and irks me to no end.

And I can't stand it when people volunteer to do so many things - especially when they can't even begin to finish their work-in-progress! I told her this: look, let's not bite off more than we can chew. 'Cause if something undesirable happens, well, I don't fancy cleaning the mess.

~~~~~~~~

Have been gorging myself silly the past few days. Yes, I can eat like a champ at times and other times, I just feel full and can look at food without interest. Maybe I should bring over some chocolates currently residing in my fridge to The Office. But I don't want to share them, dammit. [Adek can be such a selfish brat at times and she especially doesn't want/like/fancy sharing chocolates with colleagues. Brat brat brat]. And sharing those chocs may run counter to my increase-thy-weight campaign. Oh, and you know what, Sometimes when I am in my foul mood, I visualise myself biting someone when I take a bite into the oh-so-lovely bar. Yes, I'm Crazy like that.

~~~~~~~~

A friend showed me a prayer which to be effective, necessitates me to do something I've never dreamt I'd be doing in a million years. So I made some checking and researching [as usual] and am satisfied that it is doesn't contravene Islamic teachings - if fact it's OK - if done with the right intention so it's not some dodgy, fancy, hogwash, nonsense ritual. And let me make this clear, I may be confused and confusing but I would not sacrifice my beliefs or engage myself in funny practices that may cast doubts on my iman. [And mind you, I've sent emails to various MNCs seeking clarification on the ingredients they use in their food products just to make sure the allegations I received have any ring of truth in them. And I will continue to do so if only to ensure and satisfy myself that what I consume is of halal origin.]

But still I couldn't help wondering if things have gone so Bad that I have to resort to this measure, this 'alternative treatment'. Was feeling down when I got back to My Own Private Idaho after work Yesterday but a mate assured me that this alternative treatment is actually quite common and offered by spas. So maybe I'll try it out. And why not? It's not like I have anything to lose... except that maybe I'm Going Slightly Mad... [with work!] to even be contemplating it in the first place!

But hey consider this: Almighty Allah tells us in verse 11 of Surah Ar-Raad [The Thunder]: 'Verily, Allah will not change the condition of a people 'til they change that which is in themselves.'

~~~~~~~~

Just finished reading a not-so-recent edition of The Edge. According to this article, Asians apparently are the world's greatest shoppers [so tell me something I don't already know]. Must share it with DoctorJones and assure him I'm actually quite normal! [Yes, despite the title of this blog entry]. No, don't blame me, I'm only influenced, moulded and shaped by my environment!

Or maybe I am truly like how Lady Caroline Lamb described her lover Lord Byron: Mad, Bad and Dangerous To Know - but in different meanings/context of course - not to mention a brat.

Thank God It's Friday

The day didn't start very well. I was very late... by 16 minutes. Boy oh Boy. Actually, when I first started work, I used to come very late. Not intentionally of course but because of the stupid, unreliable buses. It was a wonder TheOrganisation didn't sack me then. Probably 'cause my university tuition degree cost too much for TheOrganisation to simply write me off [not that I could ever reimburse TheOrganisation in this lifetime!]. Anyway, I've improved over the years, so much so that These Days, I am often at my desk by 7.40 a.m. already - provided the bus turns up early of course and/or I manage to catch it. Ha... Mummy used to tell me to rise early and go to work early. I was in denial then, not prepared to join the workforce. [Am I now anyway, I wonder?!]. In fact, I'm constantly surprised they haven't found me out yet. But, get this: those things I don't know much, I will darn well find out and learn.

In answer to my query on leg cramps, DoctorJones advised that I don't go Shopping. Oh, I know he was just jesting ;) He knows me sufficiently enough to know I'm a Shopping Queen. His email made me smile and brightened up my morning. Not going Shopping sounds like a death sentence to Miss Shopaholic me and I told him so.

Went to settle my Larger Than Life credit card outstanding amount during lunch. Stopped by at Isetan to grab some bargains. Funny how I still managed to inflict damage to my plastic moments after settling my outstanding amount.

And the day gets better as it progresses: the advice, the breakfast provided [I was even invited over to another mini party and I really stuffed myself. I really should try put on some weight or at least maintain it], the Shopping break and I'm going back to HQ later too.

Yes, the weekend is Finally here!

Only In My Dreams

I looked over at him. He was sleeping and looked so much at peace. I love this handsome young man so, I do. I was content to just watch him sleep. Occasionally, I ran my fingers through his hair. He didn't even stir.

But he isn't mine, never mine to begin with. And will never be mine. No matter how much and hard I wish that he is. He's what I think my boy will look/be like. But for now, Only In My Dreams.

He's my nephew. [And be rest assured, I'm no paedophile, nor am I into incestous relationship!]

~~~~~~~~

I had this extremely excruciating especially painful leg cramp early this morning - at 3.40 am - that woke me up and had me groaning and moaning in pain. It's never been that Bad before. Of late I've been getting them cramps quite frequently but this morning's was the most killing of all. And the first thing that crossed my mind was that maybe it was God's punishment to me for drawing up my SUBARU list of why I should live on my own. The pain lasted for about 10 excruciating minutes and I couldn't really sleep after that. So tell me, what brings about leg cramps and how do I avoid them and what I should do if I still get them. I Sometimes get toe cramps too, especially when I'm walking about. The last time it happened was a fortnight ago when I was Shopping in Isetan.

So maybe I do need a sleeping partner after all, and a permanent one at that. Not a temporary bedfellow who leaves in the morning. But one who can take care of me, among other things (but of course!). Except that at the moment, this imaginary permanent bed partner is still Only In My Dreams. He doesn't yet appear in a physical form.

I had a dream when sleep Finally reclaimed me after the leg cramp. In the dream, I was back in my hometown of London. And guess who shared the dream? Why, it was DoctorJones! It could be 'cause I've been thinking of him often of late. But hey gotta remember that the meeting in London was Only In My Dreams.

~~~~~~~~

My mate who gives me my daily ride home also echoed my girlfriend C's earlier remark that I do not go for people who like me but go for those who may likely hurt me/break my heart. I don't know, maybe I attract people I'm not attracted to? And people I'm attracted to don't get attracted to me. Have mine always be cases of Fatal Attraction on the part of one party only? Beats me. [Look if I have the slightest clue, I wouldn't be having all these problems, would I!].

Will I ever find my life partner? Or will he ever appear Only In My Dreams?

No, no, no, no, only in my dreams
As real as it may seem
It was only in my dreams

My SUBARU List

I am a scatterbrain. An absent-minded, ditsy girl. Forgetful at times. So much so that I've been known to have conducted my own audit trails, i.e. retrace my steps just to locate the document I've somehow managed to lose between point A and point B - 'cause Sometimes I make pitstops at colleagues' workstations... [that probably explains why I can never be an auditor, 'cause being in charge of clients' audit trails on top of my own will just about kill me]. And because I like to be organised - and I have to be, otherwise I'll end up losing and misplacing more things - I have to rely on lists.

Now, since I have been relying on lists, I am quite a pro when it comes to making them. Lists of groceries to buy. List of things to buy and prepare for my Haj trip. Lists of things to pack for my Holiday trips [so much so I don't need any list when going on any trip anymore!]. Lists of birthday and greeting cards to send. Lists of the thankfully once-a-year Eid money to distribute. [Lists of idiots in my life.] Shopping lists from people when I go for trips, my own lists of souvenirs to buy and lists of souvenir recipients. The lists are either scribbled in my diary, in my notebook, on recycled pieces of paper, noted mentally in my head or typed nicely in my Lotus Notes To-Do. Even when it comes to work, lists are useful - I am currently heavily involved with organising an event and we have drawn up checklists which allow us to keep track of tasks, sub-tasks, resources required, deadlines, next steps etc.

So, being bored and up to her neck with work in the past few days, Adek has sought escapism in drawing up a list [because I find relief in expressing myself]. But this is not an ordinary Shopping list. This is my SUBARU (short for Stressed Up Beyond All Recognition Ululation) list - of the pros of living on your own. And apparently there are quite a few reasons for staying status quo. Because...

You get to be messy, if you want to. Though I'm a hygiene freak and I'm not about to start living in filth.

You get to gorge on the chocolates all by yourself. No need to squabble on who gets the last piece and no need to share that bar!

You can growl, howl, yowl, cry foul etc for no reason without alarming anyone. And you can sing at the top of your voice without caring if you're bursting anyone's eardrum in the process.

You don't have to worry about cooking meals for two. Or three. Or more. Whatever. And you don't have to worry if whatever you're trying to cook doesn't come out perfect 'cause you're going to eat it anyway. And of course, you won't complain about your own Bad cooking.

You don't have to worry about upsetting anyone if you're in a cranky, moody mood.

You can dance and prance without caring - even when you're only attempting to with two left feet.

You get to sleep in your king-size bed Alone without sharing it. [I'm considerate enough to share my bed with my Teddy and Garfield though]. You don't have to worry about any snoring bed partner or being kicked out of bed by your partner.

You can talk to yourself and God without caring if people think you're Crazy or not. You get to deal with yourself more and learn more of yourself. And how you can improve yourself.

You don't have to share your (increasingly limited) wardrobe space and store room space with another.

You get to do things you want, the way you want, at the pace you want and when you want to without having to worry if you're being slow or silly, or without having to please anyone.

You don't have to compromise. You don't have to worry about hurting anyone.

You don't have to answer to anyone. Besides God.

Hey, that's quite a lot! But you know what, I might just be able to draw up another list of why I should not stay single if someone can convince me to drop my endangered species status. After all, I am the Queen of SUBARU lists.