I found myself pondering the past year of my life for the past few days. And the more I reflected and analysed, the more I'm convinced and realised that nothing much has changed over the 12 months: certainly not on the professional aspect and definitely not on the personal front; any improvement, if any, on the spiritual/religious side is more likely to be marginal [in fact there may even have been deterioration in this area]; physical/fitness aspect seems stagnant too, the hours I work don't really allow for as many evening walks as I would have liked - granted, I don't work as long and hard as a few of my colleagues do - plus walks are dependent on the weather and I can be sooo undisciplined, and if anything I seem to lose weight quicker than I could pile back on.
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It was my birthday yesterday. My mood swang from one extreme to the other a few days preceding it for reasons I couldn't fathom myself [maybe it has something to do with my life analysis]. Perhaps it was the realisation that I have nothing to show as achievement since the last birthday. Perhaps I didn't want to be reminded that another year had passed. Perhaps as I journey on down this road of life, I don't find it as exciting to be reminded of how little I have achieved despite gaining another year. My mood culminated in one of its worst swings ever yesterday and I was a mixed bag of Emotions. I wanted to hurl abuses at people who placed angry enquiring calls to our place, I had to stop myself from snapping at my staff, I wished I could stop those work emails from flooding my inbox, I longed to just be anywhere but the office and I just couldn't wait for the journey back to my pad - which wasn't Smooth since we left rather late.
But I was grateful to those who helped cheered my birthday with their birthday wishes and text messages: my friend & her family in Notts, my cuz in London, my sister, my old friends - one even wished me 2 days earlier and though I wasn't Born On The Fourth of July, I really appreciate the thought - who despite their hectic schedule as busy career women and juggling their responsibilities as mother, wife and daughter still found time to wish me. The wishes came from midnight and lasted well into last night . Thanks for the birthday presents too and the prayers for me.
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When I was still a child, there were times when I wondered if I was a wanted child, if I was adopted, and even if I was somehow accidentally switched by the nurses in the nursery and my parents are not actually my biological parents [yes, I've had such wild imaginations even at a tender age!]. These doubts usually crossed my mind whenever I had to endure those long, painful earfuls from either (or both) of my parents and when I didn't get along with my older siblings [when they seemed to form an alliance even with Akak and excluded me]. And I even wondered if my parents favoured Akak over me.
But over the years, I have come to realise that they love us all unconditionally. Despite our faults, stubbornness (I'm especially guilty for this), flaws, mistakes, rebellion etc. And I am now secure in the knowledge that they love me too. And while they seldom express it verbally, they show it in their many gestures of love and care. Even when they give me a long talk and ask me many many questions before I step out during the weekends, it's because they love and care and care for me, and they show it in the best way they know how.
My parents spent a day of sweating, puffing and panting some two weeks earlier when they helped me to ward off the evil cats by buying the netting before tying and securing it at the balcony [and stretching themselves tired in doing so].
Now, if those weren't acts of love, I don't know what one is.
Thank You Abah & Mummy. Thank You for everything you've done for me, for raising me up, giving me education and Always supporting me. Without expecting anything in return Because You Love Me unconditionally and unselfishly and I know that now. Despite me being difficult, a Rebel Without A Cause in my adolescent years, stubborn and testing at times.
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I am just so blessed with family and friends. Thank You, God.
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