Waiting To Exhale

 

Well, I guess it’s inevitable not to talk about the year, or rather, the past nine months. 2020 has undoubtedly been a very challenging year in all sense of the word. It’s been a testing, trying, tiring year for everyone. It’s been a year of trials and tribulations. I don’t think anyone escaped unscathed, I don’t think anyone was spared or unaffected in some way. And while it’s all too easy to just focus on the negatives, let’s instead look at the positives that we can draw from our experiences these past few months. Yes, this may be one of the hardest years for us, but it is also the greatest in terms of helping us learn how to:

- Be humble

- Be kind. Act, talk and think kindly. In fact, be overly kind

- Be mindful

- Be patient

- Empathise with others

- Eliminate toxic people 

- Find who our real friends are 

- Take care of our health

- Manage our effort, money and time wisely

- Focus on the things that matter.

 

I hope you haven’t been putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to learn a new skill, lose weight, run a half-marathon or become a ‘better’ person. Just getting through this shit is more than enough. Remove the junk from your mental diet by limiting time on social media, limiting time watching news and instead investing that time into things that make you feel good. Prioritise your mental health. If taking care of yourself means being a little more selfish, taking a mental health day or even letting someone down, then please let someone down. Your self-love must always be stronger than your desire to be loved by others. Set clear boundaries in work, life and your relationships. The most important form of self-care you can practise is unapologetically protecting your boundaries. Contrast your life in the right direction. If you focus on the life you’ve lost, you’ll soon find misery. If you focus on the life you have, you’ll soon find happiness. Remember that all of life’s seasons are temporary. Your brightest moments are temporary so enjoy them while the sun is shining. Your darkest moments are also temporary, so never give up when it’s raining. Remember, this too shall pass.

So even if you haven’t learnt a new skill, mastered a new language or achieved your resolutions and goals, if you have even managed to implement some of what I mentioned in the preceding paragraph, then 2020 won’t be in vain and won’t be for nothing. If we can find something to learn even in adversity and challenging times, it’s not all lost, is it? The truth is that bad experiences and bad people often teach us more than good times and good people. The most toxic unpleasant people in our lives end up making us kinder, wiser and more empathetic. The hardest times make us stronger, smarter and better prepared for tomorrow.

You should be proud of everything you’ve had to overcome this year. The pain, loss, self-doubt, fights, mental health struggles, and many sleepless nights where you didn’t know if you could make it. You’ve made it here. And you will make it through. Keep going. Be proud of yourself! And guess what? 2021 might even be harder so brace yourselves. Hey, we made it through 2020 (almost). InsyaAllah we’ll make it. Be patient. Persevere. Pray to God.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

 

My dad has been warded for the past week due to endophthalmitis. I would visit him on most evenings after work and then my sister would give me a ride back home.

 

We came home last Wednesday evening to find a door of one of our two gates opened and swung out (we usually swing the doors in). It had rained earlier so I was inclined to think the wind accompanying the wind must’ve been strong enough to swing the door open. I mean, a burglar wouldn’t be so stupid as to leave the gate opened, would he. Nevertheless, my brother-in-law went to check the garden.

 

After they left, I started hearing noises. I can’t tell you if those noises were the usual noises that I hear (was pretty sure they came from outside the house) so I took to peering out of the window on the lookout for any prowlers.

 

I fell asleep while doing my exercise (I was just too knackered) and woke up after midnight to go to bed. Barely an hour later, I heard what sounded like my bedroom banging loudly and it woke me up. I opened my eyes and looked at the door. It didn’t look like anyone was on the other side of the door and trying to enter the room. After a while, I got up and went to check. Everything was still. It wasn’t raining and there was no wind that usually accompanies rain to bang the door. So what was it that I heard then? Was I dreaming so vividly or was I hallucinating (somehow in my dreams)? Or was I just spooked from the opened gate door that it disturbed my dream?

 

Then on Friday night (or Saturday early morning), I dreamt and then felt a heavy presence in the room which proceeded to descend upon the bed next to me. I somehow sensed this presence reaching out towards me and I could feel the heaviness of it all slowly weighing down. I woke up and loudly recited ayat Qursi. After a while, I declared syahadah and then even called out the azan. Strangely enough, I didn’t feel spooked or scared, my heart wasn’t pounding crazily, I didn’t feel any cold sweat or goose-bumps or like anyone walking over my bed. I didn’t shiver, didn’t feel like wetting myself or releasing my bladder as I would’ve expected (not that I wanted to!) of course. I did have that images of those horror movies where you see casts being pulled and dragged by evil spirits or ghosts or whatever. Somehow though, I was unusually calm and had this thought that Allah is with me and He would protect me so that thing had better not mess with me. It did take me some time to fall asleep again though and I never looked at the other side of the bed.

 

My sister suggested I play ayat Ruqyah and I’ve been doing that since the weekend. I woke up at 03:20 yesterday morning for no reason and had problems sleeping again. I probably managed a brief kip and dreamt a burglar was in the house and in the bathroom. I remember calling out ‘HELP’ and then imprisoning the burglar in the bathroom and in my dream even wondered what I would do next. OK, maybe squirt some shampoo into his eyes when I summoned up the courage to open the bathroom?

 

I still hear the occasional noises, but I don’t know if they’re creaks from an almost 52-year old house or wild animals on the roof. Anyway, like I said, Allah is with us and He will protect us if we turn to Him, insyaAllah. I do need to play my part too in defending myself.