Always On My Mind

I think of death occasionally. It’s always there at the back of my mind. The thought of dying scares me, heck, the thought of lying in a hospital bed scares me. The thought of being alone in my permanent home in the ground terrifies me. Sometimes I think of death at the strangest time, like when I’m shopping (or rather window shopping aka mall-walking). Sometimes I have this debate with myself: should I get something or not (say bags) because what’d happen if I die. Who’ll inherit all these? (And I think of my FB account and my blog too – oh how attached I’m becoming to them – what’ll happen to them?). And I’d feel no desire to shop. I walk on and start debating again, but what’s the point of slogging when someone else will bloody enjoy my hard-earned money when I die anyway? And then I’d feel like really spending. I’d debate silently further before reasoning we should try to make the best of it and live while we can in the present. I don’t want to be like one of those who just stop living. That’s an even scarier thought.

Another thing at the back of my mind is drawing up a will. Not because I have a lot of things to distribute but as Muslims, we must manage the possession/wealth which is entrusted to us by God responsibly. I also sometimes think about being an organ donor but the only time when I broached the topic with Mummy, she didn’t seem too keen or receptive of the idea.

Am I strange for having all these thoughts? My friend says I think too much. I prefer to think I’m stimulating my brain cells, not just there. Besides, it helps me reason and be a bit more rationale about spending.

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I do think constantly of God, my parents and, err, football (and by extension Cesc). When I walk around the mall, I’d talk to God. I’d pray to Him for my parents’ health and wellbeing, I’d beseech Him for Arsenal to win the next match, I’d plead with Him for Cesc’s speedy recovery.

Because these are among what’s important to me and hence Always On My Mind.

And Captain Cesc has also said that there are two things on his mind: football and the fans (so I’m not alone in this thinking, yes!).




By the way, UEFA has announced the Team of the Year 2008. Captain fantastic Fabulous is among those listed in the dream team (as he was two years ago). He also comes in at number 8 of Goal.com’s countdown of the top 50 footballers of 2008!

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Both Adek and Cesc wish everyone Gong Xi Fa Cai. May we all survive the massive exodus out of the city.

Because red is an auspicious colour

And because it’s another new year, I’m sharing another calendar picture with you.